Ok, here is the deal: I have been married for 11 years, i love my husband and my 4 kids. I am changing mentally, from what I used to believe to what I believe to day. My husband is a strong republican, so I was one too. I can't say that I disagree with him entirely, but my views on politics have changed quite a bit since we have been together. Starts some arguments but i can handle that. This is just an example of many things that have been changing in my mind, the last 5 years it has been really hard for me to come out with my point of views to my husband, I feel like I am not the same girl he married sometimes. He is exactly the same man I married. Anyone have any suggestions to make me able to "come out" on some issues with him? He is a strong headed man and he has a hard time when people see things in other ways.

tickle

Here is my take.

You married a mature guy, your were a tad more immature in your political views and not really too worried about it because you defferred to him in most cases. Anything he said, you agreed with, at the time. Now, after having four kids you have probably matured so much more and possibly gone way beyond him in your beliefs. This isnt unusual.

Yes you have grown and probably still are.

You are and he are going to have find middle ground and its going to be hard for you to do that. I suggest you get a group of people, maybe close friends together, make it an involuntary discussion group (people who absolutely know you have matured) and bring up topics you are strong about so that he can see you have your own opinions, because I assume that is what you want him to see, right ? Think about this, maybe no in my format, but at least you will have some ground work. Good luck !

startover22

I have definitely been growing, I think i am sure of that. Not that he was mature, I was 20 he was 22. I think mostly he is too hard headed to change his view, kids, gays, parents, money, and so on. He won't budge. I am going to get that group of friends over, (when I can) and see what happens. If politics are brought up, I stop it immediately because he gets all crazy over it. He has calmed down a bit but it still bothers me. When we met, you are right i did agree for the longest time, on his views. Four kids has played a big part in that now! Thanks for the advice.

tickle

I am glad you saw my point. You are right, politics and religion are two areas I stear away from although had to get past the religion one.

By the way, if you liked my idea, rate my answer....thanks !

startover22

I just got to thinking, when we do talk there is sometimes hostility in his voice from my answers to his questions. I think i may have a harder time explaining my views than i do in believing in them. Does that make any sense?

startover22

He and i had a first heated conversation about some things last night. It was so nice because at first i thought it was going no where, then all of a sudden it was a delight to hear him hear me. We talked a lot and then fell right asleep on the couch, woke up and couldn't stop talking about stuff some more. Not the real important topics, but it was all good.

tickle

I am really glad that worked out for you, just keep up the dialogue and you will be at first base!! Then you two will be conversing on the same wave length from now on Open communication is the most important item in a relationship, married or not. There is so much give and take to be appreciated. I am very happy that you are satisfied with the first encounter. Tiring, isnt it ?

startover22

Yes, it is tiring, but i really want to grow with him and not without him, if that makes any sense. He has always been there for me and i him. We love eachother and have made a pretty happy home together. we were young and very stupid when we got married but we figured a lot of stuff out over the years. I think we are on the right path. Thanks you so much, i think just saying something about it helped me take that first step. You have been great.

shatteredsoul

I am so proud of you for understanding your growth and maturity as a woman. YOU are definitely figuring some things out for yourself that maybe before you always agreed with your husband. There is nothing wrong with changing your views on politics, religion, or anything else for that matter. That is a wonderful thing, to not stay rigid in your beliefs. I guess I won't be having any heart to heart talks regarding politics with your husband anytime soon because he would probably think I am some tree loving hippie liberal. That is o.k. though. My husband thought differently when we got together. Slowly but surely he understands more of my perspective, and he respects me for it. I guess it is difficult when things that seem so clear to you, make no sense to him A lot of issues that people make political, don't have to be. They are more human issues, like creating a country that doesn't abuse its resources, creating alternative sources of energy. Also, creating alliances around the world, instead of being a bully to it. I could go on and on about that stuff. I know the gay issue is a big one, and that is more a personal thing, than a political one. This administration has created so many problems for this country, the ultra conservative republicans who want everything run their way. They have dismantled environmental protection laws that have been in effect for over thirty years! For what? To have access to our national parks, protected reserves, so they can drill for oil! Oil that won't last and continues to exploit our natural resources. Forget about the animals, or your right of privacy. Or better yet, a war with the wrong country, no funding for our troops and the blatant lies and deceitful things they have fed the citizens of this country. Look, if there had been a decent, moderate Republican running for office that cared about global warming, poverty, education, and the Military, I would have voted for him. We got dumb and dumber. Except, Cheney isn't dumb, he is evil!!!!!!!!! He has contracts overseas to make millions off our troops. He has support of special interest groups that are detrimental to our country. They support outsourcing our jobs, to people of other countries. Giving away our jobs to foreigners, to pay them pennies. Why? So they don't have to pay taxes. The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. The middle class is disappearing rapidly, and this is part of it. I won't go off any more on a tanget, I just wanted you to know, my husband didn't agree with all of this when I met him, He doesn't agree with all of it now. However, because we talk about these subjects, he comes around a little more each time. I have the most conservative, religious family (except my mom and dad) and it is difficult to have discussion without them getting heated. Yet, I have to admit, it is stimulating. Not everyone will have the same views, that is what makes us unique. Discussing political issues is important, it is critical to freedom of thought and expression, it is what makes us American. Not capitalists, but Americans. I am thankful I can say what I want. You should be thankful for this opportunity you have given yourself, it won't drive a wedge in your marriage. It will create a new perspective. It will give him an opportunity to respect your thoughts and opinions and validate them, even if he doesn't agree. You can still raise your family in a happy home, there is nothing wrong with a little debate here and there. It will keep you feisty and he will admire that, even when he is saying something different. Men like a woman with her own mind. Allow it to flourish and create new meaning for you! YOur children will appreciate your thoughts also. It will give them respect for you. It will let them know how to use their mind and express their views and beliefs, regardless of what other people say.

startover22

I have one question.........How in the hell do you pay your phone bill? You have so many things to say and I notice sometimes you stop yourself in the middle. What if you didn't stop? Would this go on and on and on? You are so cute. Silly. Yes, I don't agree on somethings he does, but i also agree with him on lots. I feel so two sided sometimes. See you soon and thanks!