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Wildcat21 · Dec 12, 2006, 12:58 PM

Yes, but some people are just always attracted to each other. AND a guy can create attraction all over again IF he is smooth he enough, makes her laugh, no DUMB questions, is indifferent... but most guys screw this up.

You have to make her rememebr why she was first attracted to you. Most guys screw that up because they get all uptight and actually put too much importance into it in the first place... which...

Wildcat21 · Dec 12, 2006, 12:58 PM

No text. None. No contact means no cntact.

Wildcat21 · Dec 12, 2006, 01:00 PM

... which brings us to why you end up in this situation. Putting too much importance into some one too early on... making YOUR interest level much higher than theirs and letting them know about it - not a good idea. You go SLOWLY and a lot of this won't matter as much until your both in love - both in love.

Did I say go slow?? Most people end up with heartache because they don't go slow!!

Go slow!!

onlineguy · Dec 12, 2006, 02:13 PM

Cheers for all your help. I have a lot to think about. I will continue no contact, I am still mixed up so now is not the right time to act on my emotions or make decisions. Learnt that much at least... lol.

I will keep you all informed of any changes.

MeeDee23 · Dec 12, 2006, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by onlineguy

Cheers for all your help. I have a lot to think about. I will continue no contact, i am still mixed up so now is not the right time to act on my emotions or make desicions. Learnt that much at least .... lol.

I will keep you all informed of any changes.

Good man... that's the best lesson I learned. Keep calm and be very slow and rational about your thoughts and actions, or you will regret your actions later. Make the best possible decisions for YOU at this point.

valinors_sorrow · Dec 14, 2006, 06:29 AM

If you like things well thought out and rational, then do the numbers...

Out of the hundreds of people posting here:
How many times have we heard NC wins them back? 1 (it had unusual circumstances, its still new & iffy at best, its clearly a long hard journey)
How many times have we heard winning someone back works out in the long run? 0
How many times have we heard that when ex's reunite, it ends anyway? 4 (2 are Wildcat's which puzzles me why he advocates it so strongly!)
How many times have we heard about salvaging a ruined relationship? 1 (but it clearly stated that breaking up wasn't involved, only seperating)

The experience people appear to be having is--- when you're broken up, its either permanently or ought to be.
Granted everyone likes to think their circumstances are unique and "oh, but you don't know how truly special our love is" but numbers do talk here.
And I am not saying it couldn't happen and work out happily but SHEESH look at the odds! Don't you think you better know absolutely everything there is to know about what it takes to make it work with odds like that? So if I were you, take a guess who I'd be hitting up for that info... There, is that rational enough for you? LOL

Tuscany · Dec 14, 2006, 06:31 AM

Val-
I could not spread the Rep... but right on! Great post

onlineguy · Dec 18, 2006, 06:35 AM

Hi Guys, I did it and sent a text saying that I hope she was well, pity it did not work out for us and just to wish her a very merry xmas and happy new year.

It did not make any difference, received no reply.

I guess the sense of failure is hard to deal with, all this caused by a misunderstanding. She was just not prepared to listen. Funny but I feel used and cheated...

I GUESS THE ANSER TO THIS POST IS YOU can't GET THEM BACK. ONCE THEY SAY ITS OVER YOU SHOULD WALK AWAY 100% FULL NO CONTACT.

Makes you want to remain single!!

onlineguy · Dec 18, 2006, 06:47 AM

Is being single worse for guys or girls ?

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 18, 2006, 06:51 AM

I don't want to make you feel any more down than you do now, but I think sending the text was a bad choice. I think the only reason you did it is because you are scared that she may be forgetting you and moving on with her life. That's OK and all very natural. Believe me, this has crossed my mind too and I have thought about doing it but luckily thought twice about it and decided it would be a very bad idea. My life is about me now and I and many others in this situation just have to pack up and move on.

It was a nice thought but now you are going to be upset that she does not reply, which I am willing to place a high bet on that she won't... You see, you have set yourself up to be hurt again without even realizing what you have done and I can already sense that you are a bit down hearted having not received a reply from her.

Never mind, what is done is done. Just go back to no contact now for good and try and work on Moving On! It is hard but you will get through it...

I must reiterate:- By contacting her in any way, you will be debilitating your own healing and moving on, you will be taking steps backwards rather than forwards. This is why No Contact has nothing to do with winning the ex back because it really has nothing to do with that... No contact is all about you and healing yourself.

How can you do that if you are contacting her?

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 18, 2006, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by onlineguy

It did not make any difference, recieved no reply.

What difference did you expect it to make?

You chase, they run!

This proved that you have taken one further desperate attempt to show her that you still care for her and want her.

It shows that you are still there for her, waiting!!

It won't serve the purpose you want it to.

I'm saying what I am saying onlineguy because I care and don't want you to fall back and get hurt because I know how the pain feels. I am not judging you but just trying to guide you in the right direction..

rol · Dec 18, 2006, 06:57 AM

Well the text was nice.A nice way to end things in any case.

Now I guess you can start to forgive her and forget...

rol · Dec 18, 2006, 07:01 AM

Being single is not bad at all.Its different. I'm a girl by the way.

Why are you so worried about being single?

It's a great time to focus on you, do what you want ,whenever you want.

NeedKarma · Dec 18, 2006, 07:06 AM

Being is bad for neither. No one HAS to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 18, 2006, 07:12 AM

There is nothing wrong with being single, I spent 5 years being single and I had a great time. In fact, had I not had this time to myself, I may not be the man I am today. It is a time for you to explore yourself, who you are and what you want. I met my now ex when I was 23 and spent 3 years with her, again it was a great experience albeit I was left heartbroken by the recent break-up I had with her. Now I am single again and I am free to work on me and other areas of my life. You should not need to be in a relationship to be complete.

You should make yourself complete as a person first and then a relationship is an add on. Actually, this will also be a fine recipe for a healthy balanced relationship too.

Tuscany · Dec 18, 2006, 07:17 AM

Being single gives you a chance to better know yourself. Often when we are in a long term relationship we begin to define ourselves by our partner (not intentionally and not that that is a bad thing necessarily). I often look forward to when my husband is away, not because I don't love him, but because it gives me a chance to be alone with me for awhile. That is why it is so important that couples do things separately as well as together. My husband and I take Thursday nights... he goes out with the guys and I do something with the girls.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2006, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by onlineguy

Is being single worse for guys or girls ?

It's a great time for both man and woman actually and you can have all the fun you can handle. Your question suggest something negative about the single life, Am I wrong?

Skell · Dec 18, 2006, 01:46 PM

Sadly I think you sent that text with the wrong purposes in mind and now you are paying the painful price of not getting what you sought.

Sorry for that,m and I'm sorry for your pain, I just hope you have learnt the lessons that have been so painfully thrust upon you!

onlineguy · Dec 21, 2006, 03:18 AM

Normally when to people part they do not remain on a friendly basis.

The dumper is releaved and happy that the relationship is over, they will happily move on to the next relationship.

However the dumpee is left with all the negative feelings about the relationship. The hurt, sense of failure etc. the lonliness, loss of something of value.

It is generally the dumpee who does the running to save the realationship, the depsperate stage we all go through. Or if they are sensible they will do the no contact from day one.

My question is this.

If No contact from day 1 or you make the effort to get the relationship back are the negative feelings at the end the same ?

If they are then is it best to try to part on good terms, bad terms or terms that are best for you ?

talaniman · Dec 21, 2006, 06:26 AM

It doesn't matter as long as you accept that the relationship is over. Then do what it takes you to heal and move on. Not easy, we ALL know that but so necessary.