I am 27, smart, funny, and am beginning to better appreciate my looks. I run a lot, do the makeup/hair thing on the weekends and have scores of friends. People are naturally attracted to me on a friendship level because I really love connecting with people and am very much an extrovert. But, I have incredibly low self-esteem. My friends tell me that I push guys away as a defense mechanism, but honestly, I don't think any guy has ever tried to get close enough to me for me to get the chance to push him away. Although a lot of my friends are paired off/married, I am not desperate to land a man or get married just because of my age. I just want to know what it feels like to have a boyfriend--just once! I just want to know what it feels like to have a guy like me, be interested in me, etc.

Do you think there is someone out there for everyone? I guess maybe I sound good on paper but I am lacking in other stuff necessary to be attractive to the other sex. Do you think my chances have passed or do I still have a shot at something special? How come no one wants anything to do with me?

Some people need to have somebody in their life and others do not. Some find there true love at an early age. Some find love later on in life. There is not a rush. Even though you may have pressure from family and friends. There is no need. Also it seems when your seeking, looking it seems like it never comes. When you just let it go and go with the flow and just live your life and find things that interest YOU and YOU Do them out of the blue when you least expect it BAM, you have an interesting connection with somebody which may turn out to be the most important experience in your life.

Self esteem, what do you mean you have low self esteem? What makes you think that? What kinds of things bother you? This could have an effect but you yourself said you have great connections with others.

Your chanches are never NEVER ever Passed. I hope you understand that very most important part of my post. You will one day experience something special, but if you rush, if you seek. It will take longer to actually experience that special experience.

Joe

Why settle for something you would never dare to have? I mean to say, relationships a mess and if you haven't had that in the past then it will be very challenging for you this time. Just try to have fun and see where it leads you to. Don't worry about a boyfriend. It will come anyway. I think what you need is a good time experience either sexually or just emotionally. Just be prepared you can control all the forces coming to you.

Your friends may actually have a good handle on the situation. I think it is altogether possible that you do push guys away due to some kind of fear of getting close and making yourself vulnerable. You seem to want that connection but at the same time are obviously doing something to sabotage yourself. Have you ever been asked out on dates? How do you respond when you are? I think you need to take a close look at yourself and how you act around men. At age 27 you certainly still have a chance but first you have to identify whatever self-destructive behaviors have kept you from experiencing what you want.

Age doesn't matter.
Its just a number, its how you feel inside, and people sense that.

I believe that when you search for a boyfriend or girlfriend that person will never show up, but when you stop looking you will be surprised :)

I suspect the guys that have presented themselves to you aren't what you want so don't worry just keep being true to yourself and let the right one come along. Nothing wrong with dating though until then, with no strings attached and no pressure, just fun. No hurry for a b/f , he'll show up.

It's amazing how we perceive ourselves in our own minds. Who hasn't seen those shows on TV where someone acts outrageously but doesn't really believe it until they pull out the tape and show them? We all tend to put ourselves in our own best light. It may be your body language, the tone of your voice, your approach to sarcasm - or perhaps that you own a thousand cats - something is getting in the way of a close personal with a man. Since a videocamera is a little too obvious and you'd be on your best behavior, ask a trusted friend to watch you interact and make a few mental notes on the vibe they are getting. Also, nothing is more annoying than a woman who is constantly bemoaning the fact she has no boyfriend - that in itself could send them running. Guys begin to wonder, "Hmmm, no boyfriend, what's up with that?" Loosen up, agree with everything he says, brush & floss - you'll get a man... You can revert back to your old ways after the wedding...

Wedding? She hasn't even passed the security stage yet you are talking about wedding? You see she never had boyfriend. Wedding would never be the best resolution here. And for god sake you're groom will just ditch you on the altar. Witrav, your situation is less likely common in the society but the ratio is 1 out of 10 women who suffers the same dilemma. I wouldn't think of it as a problem but a challenge which should have been dealt with before adulthood. You also mentioned that you have other convincing skills that can make people like you. If you are an extrovert then you shouldn't be suffering low self esteem but I'm not sure how is that coming together. If you're talking about confidence of getting laid or someone especial for you then you'll never get through it. Think of it the other way around and remove some stress that affects your goal. Build your confidence by making a man get you instead of you getting them. This might cost you some wire pulling but try to get some feedbacks from your other girlfriends or guy friends how to enhance yourself. And one more thing, observe other couples around you. Try asking yourself why is the guy so into her? What does she have that he likes from her so much? Maybe outward appearance or it could be something intellectual? Men are always intrigued with something they've never explored. So you just have to show them what you have or maybe even talk less and let nature take its course.

Witrav,

Honestly, I'm sure you have no reason what so ever to have low self esteem. It sounds though like you do push away guys because of this but even so I bet you think "well even so why hasnt a guy tried harder to get to know me?"
I think when you really want it as it sounds like you aren't completely open to the idea it will happen. There is no expiry date or deadline to love or finding the right person. I think you have to open yourself up more for the possibility of at least having fun/dates with a few guys which will in time make it a little easier for you to open yourslef up to someone you really care about.

I am a bit the same as guys always loves being my friend and I think the thought of anything else just doesn't enter their minds. And I have just the same as everyone else.. I'm not hideously ugly! Sometimes when you're everybodys friend and your good to tlak to .Everyone associates that with you first and nothing else. If you spot someone you like don't try so much to be all buddy buddy with them!

Sorry not much of a quick response, but I know exactly how you feel I hope I helped little!

You'll be fine! I promise!

So... um your 27 and never had a boyfriend? Can I have your number?

Couldn't spread it Chuff... hehe :D
But I like your post... I smell romance in the air ;)

Why... Thank you. What she sees as a negative I can only see as a positive. A woman with no baggage, and no games to play. Witrav, I think I may love you. But lets take it slow.

That is so so sweet :)

Some times you females are so picky, so let me just ask our OP if there are some guys or guy she finds attractive and would like to explore dating with or is the feelings you have just of the physical nature?

Yeah, believe it or not some of sweet guys do exist. I'm also employeed so I have that going for me as well.

Of course there are great sweet guys about, I am married to one for starters :)

You get all sorts in both sexes!

I think I've chased Witrav away. She hasn't posted since the original post.

I'm 17 and I've never had a BF. :(
I don't really know why.. I guess its because my parents raised me a certain way.. to stay away from sex/bfs/watever..
I mean 17 for goodness sake! I am going to get a boyfriend.. right after this damn exam is over..
All I can say is... I hope I don't face your situation in 10yrs time...

Gal stop feeling so low! I'm sure there's sum1 out there for you! There's alotta fish in the sea but only a golden one for you and me...

So try to be more sociable.. just smile @ guys but don't be too desperate.. I think you should find some male friends first and then who knows...
It could develop and vuala hello new bf

So... um your 17 and never had a boyfriend? Can I have your number?


... Oh wait SEVENTEEN!! Scratch that.

Witrav, where are you? I miss you.

I read the above thinking "Wow - Right on". It's very true and a great observation. But then I read:

And this is bad - You don't put up a false front and act like a "different person" just to land a husband, and you definitely do not just "let yourself go" once you've married your partner. Both of these will lead you to the same place: Either an unhappy, long-term marriage that neither partner has the guts to fix or end, or a quick divorce after one partner realized the fraud of the other.