I believe this may be contraversal, but I am willing to hear your say on this. This article says there is no way to go back to one parent staying home. I stay home and yes I am broke most of the time, but I think it's worth it to be with my kids. There are so many things that I leave behind to do so. All of this talk about how great it is for a mother or father to let their child be with another person for huge amounts of money is just crazy to me. I do in home daycare, charge $500.00 a month, for many that is a lot, to some that is a fracton of what they pay a month. A few of the kids I watch are here from 8:30 to 6:30, that is ten hours a day, and that's not including the half hour that it takes to get here and to get home. So, that is 11 hours a day that that child is away from home. Wow, I say, I guess that just really makes me sad. Sorry if I offend anyone. Hugs to all the kids and their parents!


The child-care crisis - MSN Money

nj diy gal

I think its great your able to stay home with the kids and provide daycare for others. I did the same thing and on a beer budget. I've seen all the firsts, played all the games and taught them like pre-school. Mine, both early twenties are stilll home and we wouldn't have it any other way.

J_9

I'm gonna throw a curve ball from and education point of view.

As some of you may or may not know, my MIL is a 4th grade teacher, and has been a teacher for 40+ years. And we had this discussion 14 years ago after my daughter was born.

She says can tell which children stayed at home with one parent or the other and which children went to preschool or daycare. Yes, at 4th grade she can still tell.

Children who stay at home are not quite as "socially rounded" as the children who went to daycare or preschool. Children who have not been to daycare or preschool do not understand the concept of lining up.....sitting still during certain times of the day (circle time for example, in younger grades).

In the grade that she teaches, 4th, the children who did not go to preschool or daycare have a much harder time studying, paying attention in class, not acting up.

While I would love to stay home with my kids (but I'm not a homebody and it would drive me nuts, I've tried it with all 4 kids), I do see a difference between my 5 year old and some of his friends who stayed home, even my 14 year old and some of her friends.

With the way the schools push our children through these days, preschool can be very beneficial to our children.

Don't believe the No Child Left Behind, it's a rip!!! I watch children "left behind" every week when inputting my MIL's grades (she's not computer literate). While some of those children are learning disabled (Down's Syndrome), others don't take the time to study and learn and just get pushed through the system. Many of those children are children who were at home with a parent versus daycare or preschool.

Fr_Chuck

I guess this is where I will differ with J9 I often see how the kids are riased, no matter if a parent is home or not. You can see it in kids where you eat out, in church and at the play yards, Some kids are better mannered and listen and follow instructions others don't.

And social skills are not a problem is the parent staying at home works on it, with pray groups, Day out with other stay at home moms ( yes there are even clubs for this) There is sunday school and other times kids interact such as local parks and play grounds.

N0help4u

Yeah I can see J_9's point but the problem is TOO MANY stay at home moms do neglect their children rather than teaching them and socializing them. They 'leave it to when they get to school they will learn so I don't need to bother'.
I see stay at home moms leave their 2 and 3 year olds run the streets all day while they sit at home and watch soap operas. Their kids don't bully so much as the work parents kids do they are too busy learning 'the wrong type things'.

CMM_Kaleido

J_9 I have a relative who works in elementary school and behavioral problems are rampant--due to bad parenting or being without proper direction in daycare from a young age you really can't make kids who can't follow directions a problem related solely to stay at home moms. But Nohelp4U is right that society in general (American society anyway) has this idea that it is the schools' responsibility to teach children character as well as reading and writing, etc. This will never work and will only take power away from the parents who still want to do the raising.

As for socialization, I agree with Fr_Chuck, it is the parents' responsibility to get their kids out with other kids, to teach them how to get along with others. There are a lot of groups for stay at home moms and moms who homeschool. In addition, these are just as beneficial for the moms as for the kids and for the family as a whole if it helps mom's mental welfare.

J_9 I know what you mean about the difficulties of "staying" at home. I have an undergrad degree and if I don't use my brain I get really unhappy but I have found ways to work creativity and intellect back into my life--including educating myself on raising these little vippers. I have so much to learn! When I think of parenting as one big document that I have to write, edit, and re-edit--and re-edit it becomes an amazingly fulfilling challenge. I don't "go nuts" as often as I used to.

Wondergirl--it sounds like you did an amazing job--what an inspiration!

hollylovesbrandon

I agree with nohelp4u. My best friend of 15 years has a 20 month old at home. he is already potty-trained, he can brush his teeth on his own (although not well lol) he can dress himself, he says please and thank you, he cleans up his toys, etc. If the child is properly taught the way the parent is supposed to do while staying at home the child is a joy. Too many parents just stay at home and use their children as an EXCUSE for them to chill out on the computer and talk on the phone all day. Just because you stay at home doesn't mean you are doing that job that needs to be done.

simoneaugie

Children's behavior varies too. Some kids do great in school and daycare. My youngest was being 'pushed through.' She came home crying every day. The schoolwork was hard for her. She was bullied and made fun of constantly in spite of 3 talks I had with the teacher. So, I pulled her out of the public system. She is homeschooled now and knows how to behave and treat others.

I had similar troubles in school, mom did not pull me out though. She taught school (different school) and graded papers till she went to bed. Kids who follow directions, sit still, line up and get good grades are not necessarily the 'good ones.' I did all those things in school. After school, I acted-out because of the bullying. Mom had no idea, she was grading papers.

jillianleab

I think staying home with your kids is detrimental if it means your family suffers as a result of it. If it means you can't afford to buy healthy food, can't afford to properly clothe them, can't afford to keep the lights on, etc. It's one thing for money to be tight and live within a budget, to buy clothes at Wal Mart instead of Gap; it's quite another to not be able to afford the necessities in life.

A lot of people are in the predicament that the parent who stays home can't make enough outside the home to cover the cost of daycare. Years ago, when I worked in retail, I had several co-workers who were in that sort of situation so they worked evenings and weekends when their husband was home to help make ends meet, or to contribute to savings, or afford vacations or whatever. The moms all loved to be able to get out of the house and have "adult time" for even a few hours a week.

Socialization is a huge issue for stay-at-home-parents; my cousin has a daughter who is almost two who is very poorly socialized and has a lot of stranger anxiety, even with family members she sees on a fairly regular basis. But, my cousin doesn't participate in mommy and me classes, or spend time at the park, or anything else. I really worry about the child when school time comes around. To expand on what J_9 was saying about kids in school being so different, I have a friend who is a SAHM who never focused on teaching her daughter her colors, numbers or alphabet because "she'll learn it in school". She's very well socialized and in pre-school now, but she started pre-school at a big disadvantage to many of the other kids.

Being a parent is tough, and making the decision to stay at home or work is something only the parents can make. Either situation can go wrong if not treated with priority. So I don't think one or the other is really right or wrong, it's all situational.

startover22

I see everyones point about socialization, and learning, but like many of us know, we can teach that and we can get the kids into sports, into little groups that help with all of that. Being around other kids is very wonderful. I agree with that! Learning though, all four of my kids are different, see, it may be a good thing that i stayed home with my oldest, but my second, well, she would have liked more interaction with the world. None of my kids are sissies, they all can take care of themselves, they can work well with others. My 6 year old had a hard time sitting still in circle time though. I agree, there has to be balance.
I also agree with Jillian, and that is all part of the reason why I posted this post. I am in a sticky situation, and wonder if it is just time to get back into the work force full time. my youngest is now 4 so my heart will be fine letting him join a pre-school, and letting him get on with it socially. He will be very good and welcome anywhere, he is an angel. Struggling financially can take a toll, on the kids, husband and wife relationships, kids and parents relationships, I have encountered and few of these. This is not the first time, just I suppose, I wanted to hear more on the subject. Personally, i love being with my kids, and watching them grow, I would if it meant we weren't gonna go under financially, but i am seriously considering sprucing myself up a bit and getting into gear. I hope you all know I am not judging any of you, I really wanted to hear what you had to say! Hugs and lotsa love!!

jillianleab

I see your line of thinking here, but I disagree. I don't think single-income families would have much of an effect on the housing market, as there are people out there who can afford all kinds of things on a single income, and they would simply invest and the rental market would go up. There are also lots of people who buy and spend way beyond their means to buy "toys" and houses and vacations; they see no problem going into debt over it. If anything, prices of things might go up to make up for the loss of demand (depending on the demand, anyway).

As a little example... I'm a landlord. My properties are in good shape, in decent neighborhoods, but they are not, by far, country-club material! I have a tenant who is a single mom of two boys, who has been a renter for her entire life. She barely qualified for my place, yet she has a big screen, new living room furniture, and a car more expensive than mine. She always pays her rent on time and the check always clears, so I don't care, but I do know her credit score and how much debt she's in (from the tenant screening when she moved in) and she would be much better off if she spent her money in better places or was a bit more thrifty. Now, could she have a sugar-daddy who buys her all these things? Sure, but I use her as an example of the millions of people out there who buy and spend beyond their means and as a result have massive credit card debt.

Remember, the floundering housing market right now is a result of people buying beyond their means; people bought at the top of their range (which was inflated by the banks anyway) instead of the lower end or mid-range. Then they bought all new stuff and lived the high life, even though they couldn't afford it; now the economy has tanked and everyone is screwed!

Sorry, I know that was all off-topic!!!!