I'd like to get some input on what others think about my situation.
I've been dating a gentleman for 2 years, he has 2 children ages 7 & 4. I do not have any children. The children live with their mother during the week, she lives 2 hours away, and they live with their father every weekend, all holidays, and all school breaks. Their mother never tries to withhold visits from their father, so he does get so spend more time with his kids than most divorced fathers that live out of town.
The children are basically good kids. For the most part, I enjoy spending time with them. Their father and I have a good relationship, but most of our arguments do focus around his ex-wife or the children. That seems pretty normal to me.
Our biggest disconnect comes around discipline. I was brought up in a strict, proper home. My boyfriend was also raised with dicipline. We are both successful professionals in our 40's, as are our sibilings.
My boyfriend enjoys playing with his children, and during their visits, he will play with the children non-stop. And that is part of my complaint, the play never stops, at the dinner table, the three of them will act like zoo animals, eating with their hands and tearing meat with their teeth, pretending to be cheetahs. They play football, softball, and golf in the house. One of their favorites sports is to shoot at a ceiling fan with a rubber dart gun, trying to hit the light or the blades.
When I complain to him that this behavior is "wild" and should not be considered acceptable "inside" behavior, he says, "it's OK because the kids are small are cannot destroy anything, and they're just playing and having fun." When I try to explain to him that the children are small now, but they will not always be small and their strength will increase and their destructablility will also increase, he says the kids will know how to behave appropriately depending on where they're at. I'm not sold on this thought.
With that said, when we attend social functions with the children, they behave appropriately and seldom have we had to leave an event due to bad behavior.
I'm at a loss of this one, as my boyfriend and I look at a future together, I don't want to live in a house that looks as if it's been through one too many fraternity parties, but I also hate wearing the party-pooper hat all the time!
Thoughts?

I feel the same as you do. Supper time should be a quiet well mannered event if there are small children involved, this is how they learn. What the heck are they learning now, extremely bad table manners and it is acceptable to eat with you hands. Small children are very impressionable. There are proper places to play games as you describe, and it shouldn't be in the house.

My thoughts. But what are you going to do to change his mind. Show him these posts. That won't work. He needs counselling on how to raise youngsters or some guidance from a professional. Find him one.

You and your husband should come up with compromises on how to eat at the dinner table and what activities should be taken outdoors.
A few compromising ideas could be to eat finger foods with fingers BUT eat other food with silverware. Have finger foods one night, silverware foods the next.
Dart gun can be played indoors ONLY if it is not being shot at the ceiling fan (which not to mention a ceiling fan can whip an object back at someone so hard that it can cause injury) or light fixtures or anything else breakable or that could cause injury.
Just try to come up with some compromises so that you all can be happy when together.

My goodness!! If you let them now act that way. Later on it will be harder to explain why they will have to stop. Sit your boyfriend down and let him watch a video tape of a night or two and see if his mind changes. Record the tape without their knowledge so you get the whole picture. Its great he lets them express themselves but there is a time and place for everything.

Gee whiz. If Dad doesn't know how to behave appropriately, how will his children ever learn??

He is the adult, the parent. It's OK for a parent to be the fun guy and to be silly now and then, but it's not OK to become just another ill-mannered child.

Dad obviously wants to be a pal to his kids and wants them to like him. Child don't always like their parents, nor are they all buddies all the time. That's OK. The parent's job is to establish rules and boundaries, not to win a popularity contest.

I would strongly suggest the two of you spend a few sessions with a counselor (who has a reputation as a parenting expert). If your husband won't go, please go alone and find out how you can calm down this situation and return civilization to your home.