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Why is my 25 year old so selfish, and disrespectful?
Asked Mar 8, 2012, 10:58 AM
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19 Answers My 25 year old acts like a 17 year old. I think she should be told to move out but I'm afraid she will end up on the street. I want her to know I'm here to help if she needs it but she has to grow up. She has a job, we let her use our car to get to and from work. We have told her a number of times to not smoke in it, and to watch her speed. We know how fast she is driving (145). She was given three warnings then my husband cut her off. Told her he would address the matter in a month. Her response was a lot of yelling and screaming, big deal, I dropped an ash, blah, blah, blah, and ending with go f%^* yourself. I don't understand her. We charge her a small amount of rent a month and she can barely make those payments, can't see how she can afford her own apartment. My husband is threatening to move out to his own apartment. (he says I can come too) she will destroy our house. I have asthma and have asked her not to smoke in the house. She smokes in her room, and thinks if she lights candles, has a fan going and makes it so I don't smell it it is okay???? She just doesn't get it. How can I make her grow up? I love her with all my heart please don't be too nasty with any comments about her, or us. |
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| First off....the answers you get...are the answers you get....they are going to be honest and not sugarcoated, and you can't say what or how they may be made. The terms of service you agreed to when you joined spell that out. You are going to have to get tough on her...she knows now that no matter what you say...she's going to get away with it thus she's going to continue. Therefore why would she ever have to change. To start with...Don't let her take the car....period, ever. But as I understand thats already been done. Don't let her use it in a month...don't let her ever use it again. If you have to take the door off her room....do that....Its YOUR house after all. THere is no right to have a door. Don't give her any money...or buy her anything....at all. Except letting her eat with the both of you. If she gets abusive and out of control again....tell her thats the last time you will listen to that....because if it ever happens again you are calling the police on her, then if you have to...do it. If she's smart, she won't. You have to make it hard enough on her and for long enough....she will see that she will end up thrown out....or she might actually want to move out. In either case she is going to come to terms the free ride is coming to an end...and she needs to get her act together. There is little that will force someone to grow up faster...than the reality of supporting yourself...without help from anyone. | ||||
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| She yells at you because she has no respect for herself for staying there, and for you letting her walk all over you. If you live in fear of her living on the street this will only go on and on and also get worse. A constructive plan would be to tell her she has to work out her finances at the table with you, with a savings plan for a car and 3 months rent on an apartment. She should be saving more than half her income while living with you, regardless of the dollar amount. Going on this way is not doing any of you any favors. She's going to be selfish, clueless, entitled, and irresponsible until she has to learn. | ||||
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| Your answer is in your question. When you say that you worry that she'll wind up on the street, you're saying you don't have any confidence in your parenting or her survival ability, so you will step in to prevent her from failing. That hovering is keeping her from growing up and being self-reliant. What you're really doing (and probably have been doing for most of her life) is protecting her from success. Without failure to learn from, there's no success. Sit down with her and work out a plan for her future, and make sure it includes her moving out within the year. That should be sufficient time for her to get her ducks in a row and for you to get used to the idea that you're not the most important person in her life anymore...she is. Good luck to you both! | ||||
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| You can't have it both ways - Either you continue to enable her behavior by putting up with her OR you kick her out and she learns the hard way. You are not doing her any favors. Her life is going to be a very rough road unless she changes her behavior. You need to get her attention. I'd do so by evicting her. | ||||
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| Definitely give her a time limit (for however long you decide) and make sure that she knows the reasons why you are doing so. Perhaps she will make a turn around in how she treats you. If possible, you could hold onto the rent money she pays you and then give it to her to use to get started in a place of her own. | ||||
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