tonight I found out that my teenage daughter who is 14 is having sex with her 16 yr boyfriend which she calls her friend. When I found out I did what I said I would I got very angry and hurt. She had a blank expression on her face and it just mad me so angry I said mean things to her and I feel betrayed we talked about this as much as possible before it happened we would go out to eat or I would talk to her on car rides to school I told her how important it was for her to finish high school first she didn't listen

First, depending on where you live and the age of consent in your area, you can threaten jail time for the boyfriend and being on the sexual offender registry for life.

Second, you contact his parents and have a sit down meeting with them and yourselves.

Third, slap that chastity belt on her.

Fourth, get her on birth control.

I would not let her have the opportunity to do it again. At least until she gets old enough. Her "leash" would be shortened. To one link.

As far as why she didn't listen to you, what child ever does?

Dr. Kevin Leman has some great books on raising children. You should get one that applies to one her age.

Good luck to you.

I agree with J9 and JM.

At 14 she has no idea what the consequences of sex are. Let me rephrase that, she knows the text book version of the consequences, things you've told her, but her little 14 year old brain cannot fathom the reality.

You need to step in here. Now that you know, you have options. The one option you don't have is to ignore this and hope it goes away, unless you want to be a grandma, or worse, have a child dying of an std.

The first thing you have to do is calm down. Not easy, because I'm sure you want to wring her scrawny little neck right now, but you won't be doing yourself or her any good until you calm down.

Then you do what J9 suggested. :)

If she's dating exclusively, it is more probable than not that they were eventually going to have sex.

I think you should count your lucky stars if she isn't pregnant, and get her on the pill immediately. You cannot turn back the clock now; sex will continue no matter how much you have talked to her.

I went through that scare with my own daughter, believe me, I know how it feels. Once I got over the hurt, she was put on the pill. As teenagers go, they split up as often as they change their socks.

What you can do now, is encourage and talk to her about responsibilities and what healthy relationships are like. Too many teen girls without guidance, and without the pill, end up as single mothers.

Let her know she can talk to you. Her fears, her questions, concerns about boys. She has to consider STD's as well, and everything else that goes along with being responsible.

It isn't always easy to talk and listen to a teen. Most likely she called her boyfriend her 'friend' so that you wouldn't think she was sexually active with him, as a 'boyfriend' might imply.

First often the tighter the leash the more they rebel and find ways around ( lying). I would be sure birth control, and if you have not had a long, long sex talk some blunt facts,

Next a experience caring for a child or one of the life like dolls, where she has to see what taking care of a baby is really like.