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countryfan2001 · Mar 4, 2014, 06:01 AM

I have tried almost everything to get him help with his drug/alcohol addiction, he recently was in a rehab 3 weeks, has been living rent/expense free in my home since May 2013. Since leaving rehab 2 weeks ago, my life has been a living hell! He is worse now than before rehab, everyday has been a new adventure for me, drug/alcohol has progressed into more unpredictable behavior that he never was caught doing like shooting needles, using pain meds, drinking whiskey early in the day, getting pulled over by police in 2 different counties, one of which was not so forgiving, was searched with his passenger, needles were found.

They were arrested, truck impounded, spent night in central booking with no food, water, concrete bench, floor to lay your head. Truck is on hold with narcotics division for further investigation meaning it is racking up fees. I could not even dream up any of these incidents. My husband is screaming more now. Lastly, he is spitting up blood from whatever he had last night, so now I'm left to make a decision whether he stays or goes into bitter cold temps, or let him continue to kill himself.

I don't know what else to do with him, I've run out of options. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

smoothy · Mar 4, 2014, 06:29 AM

Throw him out on the street. Free room and board is allowing him to endulge in his bad behaviour. You've tried to get him help in rehad... and you've probibly did it more than once... its not going to work if he doesn't want it to work... so maybe tossing him out will make him hit rockl bottom as apparently he's going to need to do before he wants that help.

Sorry, but I'm a compassionate person... I however have no use for people that when offered help and seriously need it... refuse it when its offered. Particularly when it's a recurring thing.

You know exactly how this is going to end up if it continues the way it is.....its a forgone conclusion. THis is either going to increase his discomfort level high enough its going to get through his thick drug addeled skull...or the same thing might happen even if doesn't.

Have you spoken with a lawyer about having him involuntarily committed into a facility? Its clear he is going to harm himself or others.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 4, 2014, 06:52 AM

Kick him out of the house, let him stay in jail. A night in lock up is nothing. He will not get help until he hits bottom.

dontknownuthin · Mar 4, 2014, 06:58 AM

Try to get him to the hospital for the immediate issue. When you get him there, let him know he cannot come back. Work with the hospital to get him a place to go back to rehab. Do not pay for it... He is indigent and needs to use available services for the place he put himself. The natural instinct is to survive. He needs to have that click in by having no other choice. If he won't go, when he's using in the house, call 911 and tell them he is coughing up blood and is an immediate danger to himself and you want to force him back into treatment.

grammieann · Mar 5, 2014, 01:47 PM

I'm so very sorry. It's painful to watch your own child go down this path - and nightmarish to have it happen under your own roof.

Have you considered Al-Anon?

Also, there's a book called Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, by Allison Bottke, that might help. The author has been through similar issues with her own son and has some wise and very practical advice.

Take good care, friend. You and your son are in my prayers!

talaniman · Mar 5, 2014, 02:03 PM

I recommend Alanon also, as you can get support from people going through it, and have been through this before. Few can do this without help, the whole family suffers when an addict is in your life.

smearcase · Mar 5, 2014, 10:05 PM

Before you turn your back on him (and I am not saying you should or shouldn't), fast forward to the day when the news comes that he has OD'd and died, drove drunk and died, got some bad drugs, got knocked off by dealers for not paying up on time, etc etc etc. Sorry to be so graphic but this is what happens in the real world. Don't get to that sad day and start blaming yourself. If you have done all you can do, realize it now and be prepared. BUT, 3 weeks of rehab is not sufficient for the type of addictions that seem to be apparent here. Even jail would be better but as I have said on other posts, wise up to the fact that alcoholic and drug addicted lives are short lives. A lawyer may have some suggestions on how to get him committed for a longer period but I know, who pays? I assume he is not a veteran who could be helped in the Vet Admin system. Call the police if you see him doing illegal activities such as leaving in a vehicle drunk or any other activity that will not result in charges against yourself. There are plenty of scenarios where you could be charged such as drugs you don't even know about found in your vehicle. Confinement in jail may at least get him segregated from the substances, but don't necessarily bet on it. Best wishes.

Jake2008 · Mar 6, 2014, 06:21 AM

I wouldn't boot him out just yet. There are things you can do.

Get him back into rehab. Speak to a person who was familiar with his last stay, and seek advice from them as to what to do. I would petition the court for at least a psychiatric evaluation, and with the obvious recommendation that would come from that, he may be committed and treatment can begin.

Get legal assistance to see how you can go about forcing the issue of guardianship, in order to have him in treatment.

He is not, I repeat, not, likely to give up drugs, or the lifestyle, if you put him out. That to me is like opening the gates of hell. He needs to go in the opposite direction, and he needs your help to do it.

You and your husband can make an appointment if you want to, to speak to the people that were, or will be, in charge of his care. Learn about what their plans are, how they are going about it, how long it will take, what the after care is, and in general what your options are, legally and otherwise, to ensure he gets what he needs to get well.

He needs to be protected from himself, and you need the knowledge and commitment to ensure that he is.

You do have options.