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I was in the mall the other day and saw a mother spanking her daughter in public and i wonder is there no other way to discipline a child (im not saying anything against parents who spank its a real question) my mom says if you dont spank your kids they will be ill mannered and disrespectful. She got upset when i said id rather not have any kids if the only way to get them to behave is to use physical punishment. So heres my question how many of you parents spank? and if so why? Also how many parents dont spank? if you dont spank why? Also i read several parenting books that say that spanking does nothing to help a child learn ong term they just learn to be smarter at not getting caught is this true? Im asking bc although i have a bs in psych and want to pursue a masters in child psychology but nothing compares to having kids of your own since i dont have any unless cabbage patch kids count lol i want parental responses.
I use spanking as a last resort. I have one child that is 7. As she has gotten older, taking things away - such as computer time, etc. works effectively.
I am not against spanking - but if I don't have to, I don't.
This subject has been discussed extensively here. As it is a very heated topic, I will post the other thread(s) so that you can read what has already been written.
i remeber being spanked as a child (i was spanked until i was 13)with belts switches an extension cord even and it was usually about grades but its kinda hard to concentrate on school when you are getting bullied and teased daily...and then to come home to mean cousins and a hateful grandma so my grades were bad throughout middle school. We have talked about it now that im older and she says why didnt i tell her what was going on and i told her i did but she just didnt pay me any attention thinking i was just exaggerating.....i dont think i could bring myself to spank just cuz i still tear up thinking about when i was getting spanked...but thats just me
I was spanked as a child and look at me now!! LOL! I don't have children, but I would think its a LAST resort. I remember my mom telling me to go into the yarn and pick the greenest most flexible "switch". The whole time I was crying, thinking MAN THIS IS GONNA HURT. I'd bring it back, then she'd just spank me with her hand. Why all the mind tricks, I was just a kid!!!
I remember picking out my "switch". That was the worst!
I remember getting spanked, mostly, for lying. Now, I am honest to a fault. Everyone knows that unless you want the God's honest truth - don't ask me.
I also got spanked for grades and things like that.
I am one of four, we are all respectful - honest people. We contribute to society, etc. I think my parents did a good job. We are all close and love our parents.
I don't have a "what will get my kid a spanking" list. It is a rare thing when she actually gets spanked. I don't like how I feel, I know she doesn't like it. So, if it can be avoided, it is. But, I have done it and probably will again.
Myself and siblings were spanked as children...My mom tried every form of punishment with us from writing sentences, standing in timeout, giving us licks in the hand and finally taking away toys, playtime, and cars when we were older...
I'm not sure how I feel about spanking because I dont feel as if it harmed me in any way, I'm not a violent person, I think I handle stress/bothersome issues in a fair and mature manner...but I do have concerns about spanking...
My mother used spanking if we did something terrible or disrespectful and usually there was no talk which I think is important, It was just a quick -you made me upset, now you're getting licks- type of situation...of course, we knew what we'd done to get to that point but it kind of made me feel like if something goes terribly wrong it's okay to hit...but maybe not b/c I dont live by that rule now...
Also as time went on my brother and I realized being on punishment and having our things taken away were much worse than a spanking that would only last a minute and be over with...so we came to prefer spankings as a punishment
As you can tell by my response I really dont know where I stand on this issue but I dont think I am pro-spanking but I'd just hope if other's do spank they dont do it when they are upset and they explain to the child why they are getting that punishment so that the child can associate the spanking with their bad behavior instead of associating it with their parents anger.
Spanking younger children (under 14) is legitimate for willful, direct disobedience. Not for mistakes, never as a first or second line of reprimand, and never in public.
Spanking is NOT a form of public humiliation. It is private sad moment. The child should know the spanking is coming for quite some time, and why. The "waiting and thinking about it" is the really effective part of the spanking process.
Spanking is NOT about causing injury or pain, it's about providing final direct punishment for continued unwillingness to obey some specific important rule. The real world will physically punish your adult child, so they MUST learn to control themselves and live within the bounds and rules of authority.
Spanking should never occur impulsively or reflexively. The child should know what correct behavior is needed, be given multiple opportunities to comply. The spanking then wipes the slate clean, and you begin the process again.
Children should see that spanking is as uncomfortable for YOU to be doing as it is for them to be receiving.
I'm doubtful spanking teens 14-15 and older has any significant benefit. There are a LOT more effective luxury restrictions available by the time they reach that age.
IMO.....If you feel you have to spank a child who has reasoning capabilities, they have not learned right from wrong, respect, and responsibility from an early age. Different things work with different children....for some, just knowing you are disappointed in their behavior is enough to turn things around....for others, they could care less if you spanked them....taking away a privilege or opportunity for fun would be far worse. I much prefer logical consequences for known expectations, and letting the child make a choice when appropriate. If the consequence has to be carried out, they know it upfront and will likely make a different choice next time. No arguing, no further discussion, matter-of-fact.
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