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My teenage boy hit his sister two times. I lost my temper and salppes him on the face. he grapped my hand and pshed me and hurt me. this incident affect me a lot and i can't talk to him normally anymore.
You should probably go to some type of counseling so that you and your kids can talk openly with a moderator right there. Also. punishing violence with violence isn't a good idea. Is this the first time he has done this?
He lost his temper and hit his sister, you lost your temper and hit him. Children learn by example. Time to talk to him and explain that you were wrong to hit him, you are the adult, you are the one who has to teach proper behavior.
Spanking your child is one thing. Hitting them is another. Do not strike your child in anger. EVER. It instantly teaches them "when mad, hit people". OK?
As for spanking, you can and should use corporal punishment to induce proper behavior, but it must always be done calmly, maturely, signalling for several minutes beforehand that it is coming, they caused it to come, you really really HATE having to do it, and you hope you never have to do it again. Children need to see how much it pains you to spank them. They need to know you abhor this whole thing, but they deserve it and you will always give them what they deserve.
If I were in your situation, I would actually apologize to the child for hitting him in anger and ask him to forgive you. Let him know hitting in anger will never be acceptable at ANY age, so you want him to know you are sorry.
Then tell him that if he doesn't protect his sister, there are consequences. If he personally hurts her again, the punishment will be 1) ________ 2) ____________ 3) _spanking__
Spanking isn't the same as angry hitting. "I'm going to spank you on your bottom 4 times for what you did. I can't believe you did this. You know how much this hurts me to do. Please don't make me do this again. Go to your room and wait for me. This is painful and I will be in in a minute."
After a spanking, always finish with a hug and affirmations of love and regret. Point out punishments 1)_____ and 2)_______ really need to be effective next time because 3) _spanking__ should be unnecessary....he should agree at that moment.
I only had to spank my children about 6 times each as they were growing up, and this was a very effective scene.
I see a couple of issues here. First of all , I want to say sorry that you are going through this . It is difficult, I know. Obviously, it is not OK for your son to be hitting his sister. I suggest a severe punishment. Alhtough JBeaucaire is correct in consequences, I dont think spanking at this age will work. My son is 16 and when he steps out of line, the consequences are swift and severe : EVERYTHING taken away. cell phone, iPod, TV, etc. along with priveleges. No going out, talking on the phone, etc. I agree disciplining in anger is not the way to do it but even though we are parents/adults , it can be difficult. The one thing I feel strongly about is him putting his hand on you. That is a big No-No in my house.
I have made it clear to my boys that if they ever do that they can pack their bags (after a good whoopin' !) Is dad in the picture ?
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