My 14 yr old step-daughter has a lying problem. First let me tell you that she is a sweet girl who loves her family and church. She came to live with us full time about 3 years ago.
So, her older sister came to us a couple of days ago and told us that Angela was spreading rumors at school that she'd had sex last summer and was pregnant. Which was bogus because she's had a period every month. But I confronted her about the sex issue, very calmly asking her to tell me about it as a concerned parent. She didn't really want to but I told her that it was very important. She proceeds to tell me this story about this boy who basically rapes her and she has kept it a secret because she was so ashamed of it. She even told me that she cut class, went to the store and stole a pregnancy test. I had a feeling that she was telling me a big one but my inner mother said what if she's telling the truth and we don't believe her. My husband after talking with her also came back to me and told me that Angela was lying but I wanted to believe her, because one day it's going to be real and someone has to believe her. So she was embarrassed because all her friends as school were making fun of her so I let her stay home from school. THe next day I told her that she needed to get ready because I was taking her to planned parenthood to see if she had got a STD from this "guy" and they would also be able to check to see if she's really had sex. She proceeded to run to the bathroom and "throw up", and after about a half hour confessed that it was all a lie. She claims that she doesn't know why she did it, she blames it on everything and everyone she can. SHe lied about a "broken foot" that I took her to the doctor for. She lies about the dumbest things. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. Her mom wasn't a very compassionate person, so I guess I want to make up for her mother destroying this sweet person. I guess I'm looking for advice and a creative way to break this bad habit that will eventually destroy her future relationships.

She is seeking attention for some reason from someone!

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by jcjones

My 14 yr old step-daughter has a lying problem. First let me tell you that she is a sweet girl who loves her family and church. She came to live with us full time about 3 years ago.
So, her older sister came to us a couple of days ago and told us that Angela was spreading rumors at school that she'd had sex last summer and was pregnant. Which was bogus because she's had a period every month. But I confronted her about the sex issue, very calmly asking her to tell me about it as a concerned parent. She didn't really want to but I told her that it was very important. She proceeds to tell me this story about this boy who basically rapes her and and she has kept it a secret because she was so ashamed of it. She even told me that she cut class, went to the store and stole a pregnancy test. I had a feeling that she was telling me a big one but my inner mother said what if she's telling the truth and we don't believe her. My husband after talking with her also came back to me and told me that Angela was lying but I wanted to believe her, because one day it's going to be real and someone has to believe her. So she was embarrassed because all her friends as school were making fun of her so I let her stay home from school. THe next day I told her that she needed to get ready because I was taking her to planned parenthood to see if she had got a STD from this "guy" and they would also be able to check to see if she's really had sex. She proceeded to run to the bathroom and "throw up", and after about a half hour confessed that it was all a lie. She claims that she doesn't know why she did it, she blames it on everything and everyone she can. SHe lied about a "broken foot" that I took her to the doctor for. She lies about the dumbest things. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. Her mom wasn't a very compassionate person, so I guess I want to make up for her mother destroying this sweet person. I guess I'm looking for advice and a creative way to break this bad habit that will eventually destroy her future relationships.

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Let her know you love her but can't be close to her until she choses to tell the truth. Only she will know when she is truthtelling, so she will be in charge of how intimate she wants to be with you. Nancy

Hi jcjones,

I noticed in your first sentence that you said, "She's a sweet girl who loves her family and church." I don't know if you're the praying type as well or not, but as a Christian, I believe in the power of prayer. Since she is involved with the church, prayer can do miracles here. God will intervene as she continues to attend and gets some positive influence in her life. It sounds like she really lacked that positivity for so long. That alone could cause the compulsive lying that she's doing unfortunately.

I commend you for being such a strong role model in her life and for loving her, supporting her, and wanting to be there for her. I truly believe that the more she feels loved, she'll realize that she doesn't have to do these negative things in order to be loved and receive attention. Remember, these habits didn't evolve overnight and they're not going to disappear overnight either. This is going to take time. Just continue to believe in her, but let her know in a loving way that this is not acceptable behavior. Also, since you seem to have a fairly open relationship, I recommend sitting down with her and really get her to open up about why she feels the need to lie so much. If you approach her in a compassionate and understanding manner, I believe you'll get to the bottom of this. Then just continue to pray for her, and everything will be OK. This day in time with teens, there's so much negativity around them. As she gets older, she will begin to see the error of her ways and begin that natural growing up process. 14 is such a tough age this day in time.

I sincerely hope this helps you. Keep doing what you're doing, and she'll grow up to be a wonderful young woman.

She is in desperate need of attention, and going about getting it the wrong way. You say this is a fairly new development? I know I say this for just about everything, but get her in counseling. (It works!) Sometimes a kid needs a place and a person to vent to who has to keep their secrets. Someone with no opinion about them, and no control over their life. Someone who can't punish them for falling out of line, someone who just gets them. If she can act out her problems for a therapist, the therapist can help both your step-daughter and all of her parents find solutions. If you let this go, I am afraid it could snowball into a lifetime of untruths.

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Originally Posted by jcjones

My 14 yr old step-daughter has a lying problem. First let me tell you that she is a sweet girl who loves her family and church. She came to live with us full time about 3 years ago.
So, her older sister came to us a couple of days ago and told us that Angela was spreading rumors at school that she'd had sex last summer and was pregnant. Which was bogus because she's had a period every month. But I confronted her about the sex issue, very calmly asking her to tell me about it as a concerned parent. She didn't really want to but I told her that it was very important. She proceeds to tell me this story about this boy who basically rapes her and and she has kept it a secret because she was so ashamed of it. She even told me that she cut class, went to the store and stole a pregnancy test. I had a feeling that she was telling me a big one but my inner mother said what if she's telling the truth and we don't believe her. My husband after talking with her also came back to me and told me that Angela was lying but I wanted to believe her, because one day it's going to be real and someone has to believe her. So she was embarrassed because all her friends as school were making fun of her so I let her stay home from school. THe next day I told her that she needed to get ready because I was taking her to planned parenthood to see if she had got a STD from this "guy" and they would also be able to check to see if she's really had sex. She proceeded to run to the bathroom and "throw up", and after about a half hour confessed that it was all a lie. She claims that she doesn't know why she did it, she blames it on everything and everyone she can. SHe lied about a "broken foot" that I took her to the doctor for. She lies about the dumbest things. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. Her mom wasn't a very compassionate person, so I guess I want to make up for her mother destroying this sweet person. I guess I'm looking for advice and a creative way to break this bad habit that will eventually destroy her future relationships.

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Lie to her.. tell her something really bad about you or her dad like an illness or something.. anything to upset her and then later tell her the truth.. ive seen it work

Yes, attention seeking but you and your husband need to make sure she knows this is not the way to get it. Lots of children are like this, its not abnormal, but it needs to be delt with before lying over stupid things becomes lying over big things.

Yes she is seeking attention and maybe you could get the pastor to counsel her. In the meantime keep coming up with things that force her to call her bluff like saying 'oh dear, he raped you. We need to get you checked for STD's and get you into rape counseling'.

I don't really have an answer for your problem. However I am a thirteen year old compulsive liar. And I need help.ci told my parents and they just said you need to stop. When I asked how they just said " JUst stop!!!" I told them I tried that and it didn't work. But I can tell you from experience its not attention we all want. Sometimes we want the exact opposite.or sometimes we like lying because of the thrill. But you'll have to ask her.

This is a very old thread - please keep an eye on the dates.

I have a 15 year old Step-daughter that does the same thing LIE! I am at my wits end with her, her father and I bend over backwards to treat her with diginity and respect and lots of love. We sit and talk to her on numerous occasions about how important it is to get an education, and she constantly misses classes, assignments and lies about it. I know her mother has EVERYTHING to do with the person she has become, and we are in the process of getting counseling set up for my step-daughter.
Just the other day she said she felt sick 5th hour at school and went to the clinic to lay down. So of course she played the roll when we got home and went upstairs to her room. The next day I called the to excuse her for her 5th hour and low and behold the attendance clerk said my step-daughter never checked into the clinic. She said she had the nurse and nurse' aid double check their records since they know who my kid is, and she was never there. So I confronted her as I do with EVERY absence. She had three different times to come clean about her 5th hour. So I blew up at her, I was so pissed. I asked her if she had anything to tell me about 5th hour the other day (hoping she would come clean) she just said "nope" and I asked again " are you sure" and she still said "nuh uh, I don't have anything to tell" So I proceed to tell her that the office called and said she never checked in, she STILL sat there and said" yes I did, I went in to lay down" I looked at her and said " Do I look stupid to you? was I born yesterday? Your busted Nicole! The office called ,you were NOT in the office, so there where were you? She said she went to sit outside... by this time I am so mad, I can't even look at her. I sent her to her room and now it's Friday and I still haven't said a word to her. I just don't know that I have the energy to deal with her lying. She has done it since day 1.
This is what she does when we sit her down and talk to her... mind you we have done this more times than we can count.
We confront her, since we are pretty upset. She turns on the tears making us think what we are saying is REALLY affecting her. (but it's not) then it goes from being angry to feeling sorry for her and ends with a group hug... I've come to realize that this is her ploy to get us to this point to where she is forgiven and all is good. Mission accomplished on her part...
I'm tired. Tired of having to deal with such negativity. I have two boys of my own 12 years and almost 3 yr old who thank the lord are not the way she is. I think I will focus on raising my boys and let her dad deal with her.. Is this a good strategy?
Angela