My son, who is 22 and a very responsible adult, sometimes acts like he doesn't even like me, and/or is ashamed of me. He acts like he doesn't want anything to do with me most of the time, and when we do get together it is only for an hour or so to go out for dinner. It feels like he is 'going through the motions' to please me.
He has been going to college about 120 miles away. He's in his final year. I have talked to him over these last 3 years about coming to visit, but I interpreted his response as not really caring whether I visited or not.
He spends lots of time with his dad, who likes to party with him. His dad goes there with his girlfriend and they go to football games, out to eat, shopping, and partying. They can afford all those things, plus staying in a motel. I am single, and can barely pay the bills, with nothing at all left over for entertainment.
I don't have much in common with my son, except that we are both intellectuals. Even though we are both well-educated, we can't seem to carry on a conversation.
The reasons I have not yet gone to visit are as follows.
* He hasn't invited me, and it seems like I may be imposing if I do visit. He has 3 roommates, and a couple years ago 1 of them added me on Facebook. My son was really mad at me for accepting. I didn't understand that, but I thought he didn't want me and his roommates to communicate, therefore he wouldn't want me to visit and be around them.
* Neither of us have any ideas of what we would do together besides go out to eat.
* Since we struggle to communicate, it seems it would be a long drive for a one hour meal with almost no communication and the possibility that my son was just 'going through the motions' to please me.
* I struggle with having enough money to drive there and back and pay for a meal.
* He seems to always be busy when I have time.

I was very hurt this past holiday. My son squeezed 3 hours out of his life to eat Thanksgiving dinner with me and my side of the family. I asked my son if he would like to come and see where I work, which was only 4 blocks away. He was in a hurry to leave. I said it would only take 5 minutes, but he didn't want to go. He stated he didn't have time. I felt a bit hurt that he couldn't spare the 5 minutes. I said, "So you don't care enough to stop in for 5 minutes to see where I work?" He got mad and said, "Don't talk to me about not caring when you haven't been to see me for the last 3 and a half years."
I was crushed. I had no idea that he even wanted me to visit. I had felt like I would be imposing in his college life if I did visit. If he would have asked and made it known that he wanted me to visit, I would have somehow found a way.
Now I feel like a 'bad mom', even though I didn't have a clue! His college years are almost over and he will be moving even farther away. Will he always think about how I never came to visit him in college, and that I didn't care? I can get a couple visits in before he moves, and I'm going to make sure I do that somehow.
I had always been there for him his whole life until he went off to college. I have always loved him very deeply, as mothers do, and I've always said it and shown it. He knows I am very proud of him. He's always been my 'superstar'.
My heart is breaking over this. Any ideas?