I'm at my wits end with my sister.In a nutshell: she was married 20 years to a very verbally/emotionally abusive husband, had 4 kids and now has just one left at home, 16yr old girl. she is divorced now. all 4 kids repeatedly rip her to shreds vervbally when she says something to them they don't like but this 16 yr old is the worst of the 4. Daily she tells my sister how stupid,inept,psycho,fat,stinky,everyone thinks your nuts...etc... she uses the f word every other word and knows my sister won't do anything about it except yell "don't talk to me like that", this belittling behavior has benn escalating to the point I thnk my sister is going to crack, they are in therapy but the child won't go, she is currently in a battle to go with her father who is very manipulative and has multiple problems himself...what resources are there for my sister to turn to to take the tough love approach and strong arm this child into having consequences for her behavior? I want to help her but she doesn't seem to be strong enough to say "enough" and keeps taking it. I think she's afraid if she sends her to her dadas that will be cutting her kids off from herlife forever. Are there any rresources to help an adult who is being abused daily by a minor?

JBeaucaire

Get her here onto the forum so we can interact with her.

DoulaLC

It's a bit late to take a stand and expect her daughter to miraculously change her attitude...however, that doesn't mean she has to continue to endure such behavior. She can continue to put up with it, which does them both a disservice....she can try and take a stand and put forth consequences (will be difficult with a 16 year old who hasn't had them before).....she can try to reason with her; discuss things when her daughter is in a good mood.(although old habits can be hard to break)...she can tell her she loves her dearly, will always be there for her, but she simply can no longer allow her to stay and treat her as she has been, then let her move in with dad.

Her daughter most likely feels the "grass will be greener" at her dad's and will probably end up finding it just isn't so. Then your sister will be in a better position to welcome her daughter back with conditions. However, her daughter may find living with dad is better....hopefully he might be able to reign her in a bit. This does not have to mean the end of the relationship however...sometimes being apart can be beneficial....a chance to step back and really take in what has been going on. It could very well be what is for the best right now....giving your sister some breathing room....continue counseling on her own if that has been helping her. Your sister will have to make those decisions....what does she feel capable of, what will be the potential pros and cons if each choice. As it stands now, things are not going to get better without some sort of change.