[Crystalmac]

Ok I don't know what to do. The thought of my boyfriend watching porn or looking at naked pics makes me feel really down. When he goes to work all I can think about is if he and his work mates are looking at it.

He sends pics to his best mate of naked chicks. I have tried to talk to him about it and he gets very cranky at me he said he's always watched it and he can't see why I have a problem with it. He thinks I am being possessive by having a problem with it and he thinks I'm just trying to be controlling. Which I'm not but in my heart I think it's wrong and I can't help but feel not good enough and cheated.

He makes me feel bad for having such a big problem with it. I just don't know what to do.

[CravenMorhead]

Please read a few of the threads on here about porn.

How long have you two been going out? How old are you two?

He has pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to porn. Anyone one here will agree with him.

Men are visual creatures, we like looking at suggestive pictures. It is how men work, don't assume that we work mentally the same way women do. It isn't that he isn't satisfied with you, I can guarantee that he probably is, but rather that men like looking at naked women. It is how the male arousal cycle works just as the female works more on emotional input rather than straight sensory input. How does that romantic comedy or romance novel work for you?

All porn is is a seed for a fantasy it is just a thought for a moment until release and then forgotten. It is something that men go to because we're dissatisfied with our mates, but rather something we go to when we need a private moment to ourselves, to clear the pipes. Nothing more. I am intensely satisfied with my pregnant Caucasian wife. Doesn't mean I don't rub one off to a black midget. Doesn't mean I want a black midget, it was just there for me to do what I want. Doesn't mean I love my wife any less or want her any less. It was just a moment to myself.

I can really get going here but I think you need to do some soul searching. Ask yourself a few things, has his intimate actions with you changed at all?

Another you can do is quit comparing yourself to the porn girls. It is as fruitless as comparing yourself to someone in the mass media. It just doesn't work and will make you feel bad in the process. He loves you for all your imperfections, your lumps, bumps, cellulite and anything else.

[Crystalmac]

Please read a few of the threads on here about porn.

How long have you two been going out? How old are you two?

He has pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to porn. Anyone one here will agree with him.

Men are visual creatures, we like looking at suggestive pictures. It is how men work, don't assume that we work mentally the same way women do. It isn't that he isn't satisfied with you, I can guarantee that he probably is, but rather that men like looking at naked women. It is how the male arousal cycle works just as the female works more on emotional input rather than straight sensory input. How does that romantic comedy or romance novel work for you?

All porn is is a seed for a fantasy it is just a thought for a moment until release and then forgotten. It is something that men go to because we're dissatisfied with our mates, but rather something we go to when we need a private moment to ourselves, to clear the pipes. Nothing more. I am intensely satisfied with my pregnant Caucasian wife. Doesn't mean I don't rub one off to a black midget. Doesn't mean I want a black midget, it was just there for me to do what I want. Doesn't mean I love my wife any less or want her any less. It was just a moment to myself.

I can really get going here but I think you need to do some soul searching. Ask yourself a few things, has his intimate actions with you changed at all?

Another you can do is quit comparing yourself to the porn girls. It is as fruitless as comparing yourself to someone in the mass media. It just doesn't work and will make you feel bad in the process. He loves you for all your imperfections, your lumps, bumps, cellulite and anything else.

I am almost 26 and my partner is almost 29 we have been together almost 2 years I have 3 kiddies to someone else he has none although he is the best step daddy one could ask for and yes three kids have made a lot of changes to my body and I have gained a little weight he says he loves my body and it's taking almost our hole relationship up until now for me to get naked he has an amazing body and his a very sexy man we have a great sex life we do it adleast 10 times a week but it worries me we can't talk about it without fighting he just throws everything in my face saying its my problem I don't like watching porn but have done a lot of research into the way I'm feeling I even asked if we could watch some of what he watchs together he didn't get mad for me asking but didn't really say a lot I think the way I feel about it is really starting to tick him of I would be more OK with it if I didn't know he was doing it well it's only been the last 6 months that it has come up and it bothers me we will be sitting around having a few drinks with his mates
And he will start pulling out the naked and sexy girl pics with me sitting there and all his mates that come around are single can anyone give me some pointers about how we can get through this or is it just the case of my feelings mean nothing asking as he's feeling good or how I can over come it

[smoothy]

You are ticking him off... he's an adult... he has the right to watch it without anyone's permission. That's why he gets upset.

It really is your problem... and not his... you are trying to make it his problem rather than facing the fact he's got the right.

Want to make him walk out... then keep it up.

Is about his personal time and his personal space... and its really as simple as... "its got nothing to do about you".

In fact with three kids around.. he needs a little of that "me time" all that much more.

They aren't at all connected or related... so stop trying to convince yourself they are.

It has NOTHING to do with how you look... or how good or bad your sex life is. It is what it is.

Like was mentioned... guys are visual.. it really is that simple. Don't try to read more into it than that.

And really... even attempting to deny a guy his me time... really is about trying to control him. I'm sure you would get upset if he tried to control who you talked to.. what you read, what you watch... this really isn't any different.

But he doesn't, does he? Try to reciprocate the favor... not all guys are as nice as he is.

[Crystalmac]

You are ticking him off...he's an adult...he has the right to watch it without anyone's permission. That's why he gets upset.

It really is your problem...and not his...you are trying to make it his problem rather than facing the fact he's got the right.

Want to make him walk out...then keep it up.

Is about his personal time and his personal space....and its really as simple as ...."its got nothing to do about you".

In fact with three kids around..he needs a little of that "me time" all that much more.

They aren't at all connected or related...so stop trying to convince yourself they are.

It has NOTHING to do with how you look...or how good or bad your sex life is. It is what it is.

Like was mentioned...guys are visual..it really is that simple. Don't try to read more into it than that.

And really...even attempting to deny a guy his me time...really is about trying to control him. I'm sure you would get upset if he tried to control who you talked to..what you read, what you watch....this really isn't any different.

But he doesn't, does he? Try to reciprocate the favor....not all guys are as nice as he is.

I'm not mean about it I'm not a ***** about it course should be able to talk about it and no if he sees a news feed come up on my Facebook with shut with his top up he doesn't like it and I haven't even gone looking for it one of my friends have liked it I am a very good girlfriend to him and treat him very well I didn't ask the question on here to be made feel like a *****. I have a very big heart and I just don't understand is all and I'm looking for advice and ways of understanding better and how I may be able to over come this and words of advice from people who have gone through the same thing or maybe feeling the same way I do

[smoothy]

I'm not mean about it I'm not a about it course should be able to talk about it and no if he sees a news feed come up on my Facebook with shut with his top up he doesn't like it and I haven't even gone looking for it one of my friends have liked it I am a very good girlfriend to him and treat him very well I didn't ask the question on here to be made feel like a I have a very big heart and I just don't understand is all and I'm looking for advice and ways of understanding better and how I may be able to over come this and words of advice from people who have gone through the same thing or maybe feeling the same way i do

The point being... why does he NEED to talk about it at all... like I was saying it is what it is... there are some things that really don't warrant a conversation... this is one of those things.

Not even husbands and wives really have any business expecting to know everything about everything... or to be pressured into talking about things you really don't want to talk about. Girlfriends have even less.

That's not being mean to you... either of us... that's just how it is sometimes.

I'm pretty sure there is something in your past or current life that you really don't want to talk about with him or anyone... now imagine him pressuring you on that? Now imagine him keeping at it over a long time... you would get upset about it wouldn't you? I'm pretty sure you would... I would too, everyone would.

This is one of those things you don't HAVE to understand... its one of those things you just have to accept. Why? Because you might end up driving away a guy that by your own words is a pretty good guy. Pressuring someone into doing something they don't want to is like giving yourself a pretty nasty cut on your foot... walk through some nasty stuff barefoot then pretend nothing ever happened when it gets infected...

A small thing left to fester over time can become a serious problem... enough to threaten ones life... or metaphorically in this situation... kill a relationship.

After all... he did pick you.. and he does choose to stay with you... doesn't that say everything you need to know?

[Cat1864]

and it bothers me we will be sitting around having a few drinks with his mates
And he will start pulling out the naked and sexy girl pics with me sitting there and all his mates that come around are single can anyone give me some pointers about how we can get through this or is it just the case of my feelings mean nothing asking as he's feeling good or how I can over come it

This is crossing the line of good behavior. Alone with his friends is one thing, but with you sitting there it is another. Making you uncomfortable when you are out together is not acceptable.

You need to talk to him about boundaries. You will respect his choice to view porn, but he needs respect your desire not to be part of 'show and tell' when you are out together. It stops being about his 'private' time when it is in a public place and shared with friends. It would be different if you were comfortable being a part of it, but you aren't and he needs to respect your boundaries especially if you compromise and respect his.

I would also talk to him about any double standards he may be showing. You have a right to enjoy erotica and adult pictures/jokes just like he does. It doesn't matter if it was a friend's like or one of your own.

Frankly, he would be an ex if he tried controlling what I looked at while getting upset if his viewing choices are questioned especially after he acts like an immature teen showing pics when his friends are around.

I think you should pay closer attention to how he treats you in all aspects of the relationship. Is he really a nice guy or a great manipulator? How often does he get upset about things he doesn't want to talk about or do? Does he influence what you wear, who you communicate with, what you do or how, etc.

Be honest with yourself.

[backpack2389]

I am in agreement with Cat about him pulling the photos out with you right there. It seems more than a little disrespectful to me. I further agree that any double standards need to be addressed with an honest conversation evaluating your expectations of each other.

Another thing that I'm not sure anyone mentioned (maybe I missed it) is the fact that he's doing this with people from work. If they're only passing around the photos and viewing them outside of work, that's one thing. However, it's another if he's actually looking at the pictures/distributing the pictures while at work or using a work communication system to do so. I personally would not share something like this with a person I knew in a professional capactiy as I wouldn't think it inappropriate and would worry it could land me in trouble.

[talaniman]

You tell him and his buddies to take there fun somewhere else, and tell your BF to not show your pictures around, then you leave the rest alone, and go about your happy business.

Likely he will grow out of this kid behavior, and find more mature things to do with his time, if you don't take porn, or his watching it personally. Get control of yourself, and stay cool, calm,and collected, as most guys see porn as just something to do and no more important as a movie, or video game.

No, our mommies would not approve, so don't be mommies and start a hassle. No you talk to your BEST friend, because we don't want to be grilled about our habits that amuse us but drive you crazy.

I mean he loves you your body, his home and kids and works for a roof and food, so you can't balance the good with the bad and enjoy yourself? I suggest learn to and pick your battles carefully, because no need to make porn a bigger deal than it is.

[Crystalmac]

You tell him and his buddies to take there fun somewhere else, and tell your BF to not show your pictures around, then you leave the rest alone, and go about your happy business.

Likely he will grow out of this kid behavior, and find more mature things to do with his time, if you don't take porn, or his watching it personally. Get control of yourself, and stay cool, calm,and collected, as most guys see porn as just something to do and no more important as a movie, or video game.

No, our mommies would not approve, so don't be mommies and start a hassle. No you talk to your BEST friend, because we don't want to be grilled about our habits that amuse us but drive you crazy.

I mean he loves you your body, his home and kids and works for a roof and food, so you can't balance the good with the bad and enjoy yourself? I suggest learn to and pick your battles carefully, because no need to make porn a bigger deal than it is.

Thank you to everyone who had good words of advice I am trying really hard I don't want to push him away with this I love him his my world I'm working on the way it makes me feel I have a very big heart and I'm a very caring person that's just who I am any advice on how I maybe able to helps myself in all this

[CravenMorhead]

Your boyfriend just needs to be a little more considerate of your feelings to begin with, but you also have to understand that his looking at porn has no bearing on his feelings or satisfaction with you.

Unfortunately it is something you have to do on your own. Talk to your boyfriend about wiping it out while your around. Other than that it is you that needs to bend, not the spoon.

[talaniman]

My wife never made an issue of porn, but would have cut my throat if the kids where exposed to it in any form, or fashion. You both need to talk and work out what acceptable and what isn't, through some compromise.

[Masqueraderuse]

It is normal to be irritated and insecure about it. But you have to understand that it is also normal for guys to watch porn while in a relationship. Girls do it too. I watch porn all the time but I am still just as attracted to my boyfriend and don't have any intentions to cheat on him. It's not WHO is in the video but rather getting off on watching the act of sexual intercourse. Don't fret, my dear. He still loves you and is attracted to you. Maybe it would help if you watched it with him? You'd be surprised by how aroused you just might get from it.

[petercrazy12]

"any advice on how I maybe able to helps myself in all this"
Best thing you can do is watch porn or look at pictures of naked guys. Desensitize yourself to the images of naked photos of others. You looking at other men will help put you in perspective of your boyfriend and of how it can be sexually appealing, but at the same time, not pose as a threat to you or the relationship. I would first do it without telling him. But if he ever asked come clean immediately and explain to him why you have been doing this. Just to avoid any confusion or misinterpretation.
Sorry for such a late comment, hope it helps

[JudyKayTee]

I think advocating lying or sneaking in a relationship is very bad advice, indeed.