[biggerfoot43]

Hello, I have a 15 yr. old daughter that is completely out of control. A little background, I have been married 15 yrs. And we also have a 5 yr. old boy. My daughter started acting out when she was 12-13 yrs. Old. By this I mean being disrespectful, rude, will not do anything she is told etc. Now there is a history on my wife’s side of the family of bi-polar, depression. My wife takes Lexapro and does fine. My Daughter has been to therapy and the doctor says she has depression as well. We tried for some time to work with her and try and get her through things, but we ended up putting her on an anti-depressant. This seem to help, problem is she will not take it all the time and it is a real chore to stay on her.

Some of the more serious issues is that she is constantly cursing in front of our 5 yr. old and now he is picking this up and all the negative attitudes in the home. Last December she told me she wanted to kill herself so we put her in a hospital for help. She spent a week there and came out pretty positive. But after about two weeks she was right back at it again. Cussing us out etc.. She will get off school at 2:30pm and then will not come home till 11pm or 12pm. And if we try to do any discipline she just says F@#k off. We have tried everything to try and help her but this behavior continues. And I am at the point where I feel she needs to leave this house. She is really hurting my 5 ye. Old. Today she hit him in the side because she didn’t like something he said. I am desperate! Any suggestions please!

[Bluerose]

I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through. Will she be 16 soon? I have to say, speaking for myself, I would back off. You have done everything you can think of for the last couple of years. I think it's time to let her get on with it. And time for you to simply take care of the little boy.

If she does turn out to be bi-polar, she is going to have to learn how to deal with it for herself. Nothing you say or do will make any difference at this stage. At least by seriously making the decision to back off, things might actually calm down around the home.

If she is so unhappy at home perhaps there is someone she could go live with - relative, friend. Again, I would simply back off and make it clear that I have had enough.

Sometimes, with a bit of luck, that gives them a bit of a shock. And hopefully make them think about what they have been doing.

I feel the need to mention that a lot of the 'upheaval' that teenagers experience, and cause for the most part, around the home can simply become a habit. She has discovered how to press your buttons - piss her off and she knows how to make your life Hell!

Time for some really tough love - ignore her completely. No help, no favours, no money.

I commented without really knowing much apart from what you told us, so if this seems too harsh I apologise.

I have raised three children and all I can say is if one of mine behaved like that they would be out on the street.

No respect, being cursed at, hitting a five year old, staying out till all hours!!

[biggerfoot43]

Thanks for the advice, that is just what another friend told me. Thanks!