[amery2011]

My two daughters age 17 and 20.. won't speak to me. I left their dad and have started a new life. They don't know why I did it, he has told them that I cheated. I did have an affair, yet it was after I had already made the decision to leave. I was very unhappy for years. I assume they think I am a piece of ****. How do I tell them he was a horrible husband, without belittling him. To their face.

[jenniepepsi]

Unfortunately all you can do is explain how YOU feel, and they will form their own opinions. Sometimes it can be a different opinion. But they WILL have their own opinions, and you can't change that.

I am sorry you are in this situation. It must be very hard. All you can do is hope for them to understand, if not now, then some day.

[tickle]

my two daughters age 17 and 20.. wont speak to me. I left their dad and have started a new life. they don't know why i did it, he has told them that I cheated. I did have an affair, yet it was after i had already made the decision to leave. I was very unhappy for years. I assume they think i am a piece of ****. how do i tell them he was a horrible husband, without belittling him. to their face.

Bad position to be in, unfortunately they are l7 and 20 with no undersanding (I am sure, just assuming really) of human emotions in a situation like this.

Why do you feel bad about belittling him? Okay, one can say turn the other cheek but you have two daughters here who probably hear constantly, when they ask, or when the issue comes up, that you are as you say a piece of**. When you think of it, amery, where does he get off saying that about you. You both obviously had trouble in the marriage or you would still be together, and why does he still have your daughtes living with him ?

Get your kids together (no not with their dad) and have a good mom and daughters chat with them, I believe tears will be shed, because they would really need you at l7 and 20 and still love you so much. Just the three of you make an effort to get together and sort everything out no matter how long it takes to do it.

Just put your foot down and think of the damage he is doing, which may be irreparable in the next few years when they marry and have children of their own.

Tick

[Jake2008]

my two daughters age 17 and 20.. wont speak to me. I left their dad and have started a new life. they don't know why i did it, he has told them that I cheated. I did have an affair, yet it was after i had already made the decision to leave. I was very unhappy for years. I assume they think i am a piece of ****. how do i tell them he was a horrible husband, without belittling him. to their face.

If I read you right, you were still living with your husband and children when you had an affair. Justifying that by saying you had already decided to leave, doesn't make it any less than cheating.

If you were unhappy for years, I'm curious why you stayed so long, and whether you tried with your husband to salvage the marriage through counselling.

What made him a horrible husband, and why was this not apparent to your daughters. Was he also a horrible father as well? When you left to start a new life, why did you leave your daughters behind, and/or why did your husband not leave the house instead of you.

From what you have written so far, I don't see this necessarily as you having to explain how horrible your girls' father was, as it is a situation that you have to hope they eventually understand your behaviour.

They too were abandoned, when you decided to leave. Abandonment for them, and the end of the family as it was, and parents splitting up, is a lot to deal with, without the truth.

Is there more to this story, or do you really see yourself as a victim here.

[jenniepepsi]

I think she moved out, but the girls are living with dad. I'm also wondering if this is a pity party. It sounds like OP made a mistake, and is paying for that mistake, and is trying to blame everyone but herself

[jenniepepsi]

spitvenom finds this helpful : I always love reading your answers!!

Aww thanks :)