[okennedy]

My husband is on blood pressure med, but sex don't seem to interest him as much as it does me. I use to worry him a lot about having sex, but now I really don't care if I get it from him because he can not get or keep a erection. What must I do. I am very flustrated. I have a vibrator, but would like him to be involve. He shows no interest. He does not try to do anything to keep himself fix for sex. I figure he really don't care about it or pleasing me sextually.

[George_1950]

No communication = No relationship
I think you should speak with an MD or relationship counselor about this. Keep your husband involved and invite him from the beginning. I wouldn't assume he doesn't care; he may be having other issues.

[Choux]

There could be a few things going on here. One that occurs to me is that he is feeling very much deflated as a man because his penis cannot get hard. The penis is far more important to a man than most women understand.

You can't go all *blaming yourself*! *HE* has a problem. You are going to *help him* gain understanding of his health and body performance. You have to speak to his internist who gave him the HBP meds. A conversation in depth. He/she can make changes in his treatment method. Now, is your husband overweight or does he drink alcohol frequently? That is important and you should tell his doctor.

Don't let this situation go on any longer and don't talk about a vibrator any more. That must be very demeaning for him.

Call his physician's office today!

Good Luck in 2008,

[kp2171]

Meds can be a problem, not to mention the negative feedback cycle of "poor erection... poor experience in bed... mental frustration... mental block... worse erection... repeat"... as depression or stress can kill a libido. Sometimes a few "wins" can turn things around, but it takes work.

I am concerned about the physical side. Overall health can certainly affect interest in sex. When I've been my most fit, my strongest, I've been more open, interested, and playful. If a person is comfortable with their body, fit or not, it isn't in the way of sex... but if they are uncomfortable about their body or health, it isn't letting then be in the moment.

So... any way to get him to go to a gym? Go with you? Getting in better health could perhaps "cure" a lot of his issues, from libido to blood pressure.

If not... all you can do is all you can do. Which means try to talk to him honestly and openly about what your needs are... you might need to do the work to set up chances for positive experiences...

For ex, my partner and I take a weekend "vacation" at least once a quarter... meaning kid care arranged overnight and we go for dinner, movie or dancing, and a hotel. One time we had a room no more than 5 min away from the home. Waste of money? no...

It let us spend the night on each other without hurrying or concern. It's a great way to reconnect without the issues of home coming into the bedroom.

I'm riding a wave of suggesting partners read books about sexuality or sensuality, partly because that works for me. My partner or I might find something interesting, read it, pass it on, and try a few things differently. One book I read made me change my approach to oral by a few little changes. It wasn't bad before, but those subtle changes sure seem to be amping up things in the bedroom... and it started with "hey look at this book"...

I get excited when I know I can do something to get my partner off. He (your partner) might also... but feel like he is in a lose-lose position. If he tries to have sex, he isn't as hard as he needs to be, so its frustrating... and if he avoids having sex altogether, well, obviously that's a losing situation too.

I know you are in a frustrated place. I know you need some work from him. You need some effort. But have you tried surprising him? Wake him up by going down on him? Even to completion? Get him primed about what it can feel like again... and hopefully quid pro quo comes into play. Not that I keep a chalk board on the bedroom, but when my partner takes care of me more than I do her I tend to try to even things out in her favor. Just a thought.

If he isn't interested in physical work he might also not be interested in mental work, meaning if all else fails seeing a counselor might help... but not if he's in denial or "accepts" that he is powerless, when he isn't.

Sorry it sucks. You have some things you can try.. all you can do is all you are willing to do. After that, I'm afraid you might need more batteries and maybe a punching bag.

Hope you both can find some middle ground. Its work sometimes, and hard when you are the only one doing the heavy lifting.

[george14u]

I am sure he still loves you and maybe you should ask him to help you use your vibrator and if he gets hard try playing with him or sucking him off show him you want to help him get hard

[smoothy]

Please read the dates before you dredge up a very old thread... this one
Is almost 4 years old and had only three posts they haven't posted since then, thus its unlikely they will ever see your comments.