My pre-teen son, age 12, already acts like a teenager. He is frequently disrespectful to me and moreso to his stepdad (who has been there since he was 4 years old). Sometimes he acts like he doesn't love my husband, who loves and cares for us both. He smarts off alot and answers our questions with a rude, disrespectful tone. My husband and I want to be peaceful and are worried about what he will be like in 4-5 years if this trend continues. He rarely wants to spend time with us, and thinks the things we enjoy are "stupid". My son is a very bright kid. We have always been very close and still are when he's not in trouble for the attitude. I feel like we are always grounding him and it's not helping. We've tried talking to him and he ends up raising his voice and getting defensive, which just gets himself in more trouble. How do I help him be the light-hearted, fun guy that he is inside.

poseidon

Hello Ronirae,

Unfortunately, a lot of children around your son's age develop these tendencies. It is probably his time for 'testing you out'.

He probably no longer feels like a child and feels he does not want to be treated like one. He is heading toward his teens and adulthood and feels somewhere between the two. Sort of between the devil and the deep blue see.

There could also be another reason for his being the way he is. For example, is he being bullied at school but is afraid to tell you about it for fear things get worse.

My advice is to wait until he is in one of his more receptive moods, sit him down, remind him of how much you both love him and how it is hurting you to see how he is acting and that it also hurts you to have to discipline him so often.

Try to get him to confide in you about any concerns he may have.

Diplomatically let him know that you are both happy and want to start treating him as an adult and as soon as he starts acting like one, you will.

Good luck.

Cy
(Poseidon)

LUNAGODDESS

Give him something to do. Tell him to volunteer and gave him some responsibility. There are the Pet shelters in many communities needing volunteers and other volunteer organizations like Homes for Humanity. Introduce new hobbies to him like building PCs. He might be bored. So, find out his interest.