I have been a single parent for most of my son's life. He is now 22 and graduating from college 7 hours from home. Since he was 13, he shut down completely towards me, however, is friendly to all others around him, including his father, who he is still close to. I have gone through years of his refusing to talk to me (other than when he needs something), especially at college. When he has been home for the past 3.5 years, he is nasty, openly hostile, refuses to talk to me, to the point where I continuously asked him to spend his vacations with his father (who is 1 hour away), but he never did. He is a good student, dean's list, but as of late, when searching for a job, he has become even more openly hostile towards me. He still verbally attacks me continuously, picks fights with me, continuously. The emotional pain is just overwhelming for me. Yet, with others, including his grandmother, he is happy and fine. At this point, at this age, I'm done with this, yet I don't know what to do -- I am tending to just be pleasant, and when he starts the nastiness, I tell him he is not allowed to speak to me in that manner, and when he chooses to have an adult conversation with me, please call me. But the next time he calls, the same thing happens -- please..... advice... thank you so much in advance.

Fr_Chuck

he has some obvoius issue that he is not telling you about, or he has from his cildhood.

Was there something from your divorce from his father that he may have issue with?

I really doubt you can get all three of you or even the two ofyou to counseling to learn to deal with all the feelings, there is not alot you can do, except be there when he needs you and let him know you love him

phillysteakandcheese

Your son is an adult now, and he makes his own decisions. Whatever his problem, it's going to be up to him to get over it or work through it. Give him his space and time to deal with his problems.

As a parent, you always want to fix or make right whatever your children's pains are. Sadly, sometimes the parent can't be the one to always fix the problem.

Until he is prepared to be respectfull of you, I would continue to tell him to stop calling. Always remind him your love is unconditional, but you won't tolerate his abuse.

Hopefully in time and with your reminders of love, he'll come around and try to talk to you about whatever is bothering him.

fredg

Hi,
At 64 yrs old, I have been though similar experiences with my Wife's family!
When he calls, just make yourself hang up the phone! First, tell him that you are here for him, when he can be respectful. Then, hang up the phone.
Don't answer it when he calls back, which will probably be in a min. or two.
Let your answering machine get it, then erase it.
You have tried everything you can do, and it isn't working. Therefore, something new needs to be tried.
He is obviously trying to "insult", and "upset" you. Don't let him.
You have done all you can.
If in the future, he calls and apologizes, then talk with him. But, don't have any conversations with him unless he starts off with an apology. Hang up.
I do wish you the best, and hope that eventually, he will come to realize just how much you have done for him all his life so far.

kp2171

So sorry to hear this.

Its time to take care of you. If he's still in a 13 year old mentality then he needs to see the line drawn.

You need to refuse to be treated this way, and if that means he doesn't talk to you... ok. A little peace and quiet might be better than chaos.

I'd firmly tell him that his verbal abuse is done. Do not call and do not come home. Don't let him back until he's sincerely apologized and changed his childish brooding.

You pray that in time he'll grow up and see what a jerk he'd been. If he doesn't change, well... that's awful, but again... maybe some quiet is better than noise.