My 27 year old daughter and I have had a few battles in the past over our differences, we have managed to overcome. This one I am not so such about, I am drained, emotionally exhausted.

When my Mother died, I received an inheritance; the bank let me open an account without having valid identification. When I needed a cashier’s check to pay for a vehicle, they refused due to the i.d issue. My daughter was with me, so she opened an account, got the cashier’s check that night and then moved the money to another bank in her name until I could get a valid i.d to open my own account. I keep putting off the i.d issue and before I knew it the money was gone. I asked my daughter for the statements to that account, she replied, “I don’t want you all up in my business”, I let it go at the time, asked again, and she refused.

I convinced her to give me two of the monthly statements, I had to prove I made payments to company, once I received those statements I noticed she was using a debit card, there were automatic payments (debts) for different things taken out of the account. Her insurance 200.00, our cell phones 350.00 x’s 4 months, money transfers from this account to another, the list goes on. I am not sure exactly how much is gone; I believe it’s less than 8,000.00. I have asked for the statements, she continues to refuse.

I did not tell her Dad about any of this due to the stress it would put on him, he had a major heart attack and I try to handle the stress and shield him. Moving forward, My daughter was here to pick up her son, while here it was mentioned that my grandson will see me Saturday night, I asked her, why, what’s Saturday night, she replied, I don’t know you talked to Jim, (not real name), then walked away. The story behind that, Jim had told me my daughter was begging him to take off work Sunday because she had made plans, when he refused; my daughter told him she would get Mom (me) to take him. My daughter has not been a great Mother to her son; she would rather spent time out playing with her so called friends then be a mother. Jim is a wonderful father and I have always dealt with that knowing that she yells and be little’s her son and has no patience with him, so we are fine with taking him.

I had told Jim that I didnt’t want my grandson until my daughter could ask me. I didnt’t want to let her get by with telling me, “I don’t know, Jim said you talked to him”. When the Saturday came for Jim(is a firefighter and has 4 days on, 4 days off), to deliver my grandson to his Mother, she would not answer her phone, so I ended up with my grandson that night and the next day. I attempted to get ahold of her; she would not answer my calls. I texted her and told her what a POS (piece of sh**) she was for what she was doing, as well has a few other not so nice text.

Fast forward again, my daughters’ car broke down, her Dad went to look at it (in the worst snow storm in years), when he could not determine what was wrong, it was towed here. In the past when he has worked on cars, I do the research needed online to help him out. I had questions which would aid in the research, I texted my daughter explaining that I understood that she was not talking to me but I was doing research and if she didn’t get back to me her car was not going to be fixed. She answered the first time but refused to answer my questions again. I told her Dad that she wasn’t answering me, he texted her and she returned the answer right away. This is when I blew, I said she could come get the car and take it to the shop to have the transmission fixed, she could pay $4000.00 to 6000.00, to have it fixed, I didn’t care, I would not be doing any research and would not help out in any way to aid in her car being fixed. I had already posted a question on a website forum and was waiting for an answer and now I refused to even check on answer for her (him), which is now putting a huge strain on us. I have not talked to him all day, the last thing I said to him was, “she needs to have that car towed out of here to have it fixed”, “she wants to treat me like I have done wrong, and you should not allow it”. He knows about the money missing, I finally told him a few weeks ago after he had some questions.

So here I set typing my story, hoping someone out there will be able to help me get through this, give me some advice on how to handle this. I am still in my pajamas, crying most of the day. I am exhausted, so very tired and unable to get passed this anger and sadness.

There are a few other things that had happened before, her and I have had it. She claims to be so brake, yet she took a cruise in January, she said someone stole my grandson’s iPad, yet she refused to make a police report. I told her that made her look guilty, especially when she paid for her cruise shortly after that. A few other things but I don’t want to go on and on.

Thanks so much for allowing me to have a place to post this, I really hope for insight on how to handle this. We have a family wedding coming up next weekend and I don’t want to go because of her, I want nothing to do with her. Actually all the stuff she has dropped off for us to store, I want to pack in her car and sit the rest of it out on the curb, I do not like my daughter at all right now.

You opened the door WIDE for being walked all over. You will probably never recover the money you more or less gave her, and I don't think any court in the land will rule that she has to give it back, even if she has it or can get more. She treats you the way she does because she has lost all respect for herself, knowing she has stolen from you and taken advantage of you.
You are in a no win situation, because she will use her son as a bargaining tool, so you have to put your foot down even if it means seeing a lot less of him. Putting your foot down doesn't mean screaming at her that she is a piece of sh*t when you are in the middle of being angry. It means thinking out a speech, or writing it down, saying no more. Don't reiterate the past events, just define what the future is going to be in concrete terms.

You are a very wise person! Thanks for your input, thanks so much.

I treat lying conniving thieves the same way whether they are blood or not, trust nothing they say, and have nothing to do with them. Above all never expect them to do the right thing so never let them do anything for you.

You are asking for trouble if you do. But I think you already know that.

I am going through a similar situation, but there's no theft involved. My adult daughter is a drama queen, we've taken care of her, her entire life... (my fault)... and she still plays the game pitting Mother & Father against each other.
My mother was never in my life, and the thought of being estranged from my adult daughter would just be devastating to me.
She has some personality disorders, but she can control her attitude. It seems just the sight of me pisses her off, and I will never understand why. I have given my life to both my children, but I get zero respect from my adult daughter.
She's very angry, and I'm the one she has no problems expressing that too.
I just informed her, she was not going to live in my home any longer, and she could pick up her things. That was the most difficult text I've ever had to send. But the day she told me to go F&%$k myself... she crossed a line she'll never be able to get back over. I'm living it, and its very difficult. I have to maintain my ground, and you have to do the same. I do believe she will mature, and come around. You nor I can continue to be at the mercy of our adult daughters. I hope this helps you in some way.

I was just going through the answers I received and after reading yours, I am wondering how you are doing with your daughter?
I am still dealing with the same mean little person I raised, she has told my niece that I am crazy and that is why she is not talking to me. My niece has attempted to explain to my daughter that it is her behaviors in question not her Mothers, but my daughter is refusing to step up and take responsibility for what she has done and continues to do, so on we go.
I wish you the best. If you get a minute let me know how you’re doing…. Maybe we can help each other endure what’s ahead.
T.