We were living together for a year. We have since broken up but he still contacts me . Last week he called me and asked me to go out.
During dinner he starts telling me about how his 14 year old daughters breasts are growing and getting bigger. How well they are developing etc.
What does it mean when a 47 year old man talks about his 14 year old daughter like that?
He told me she likes her new school because there are a lot of boys there. When he told me that he sounded proud of her future potential promesciutity.
I have known them to sleep together in the past and he allowing her to crawl into bed with us when we were living together. She would come over every other weekend and he would totally change. She was the focus of his attention and acted like his girlfriend not his daughter. She would drape herself on him and when she went to bed he had to go and ly down with her at the age of 12 and 13. I'm not sure if this is still happening.
He then also told me that his 18 year old son has a girlfriend and that he is having sex with her, and how he was looking for the condoms that he gave him for his birthday.
I thank you in advance for any feedback.I
Its hard to say about some of it as we dont know the full context of the conversation. From your side it doesnt sound like its healthy.
Was this a statement made out of concern or possible enlightenment? Was he seeking answers or advice from you or was it just a statement made?
Not having had girls I know it would be hard to relate to those years from a female perspective and Im the type that would ask questions or seek advice. If that is the level it is on then it wouldnt concern me. But if as you have stated it seems to move into a facination of sorts then its unhealthy.
Some of the things he has said are perfectly exceptable eg: she likes her new school there are lots of boys there.This is the kind of thing that anyone would say,however talking about her body in detail is another matter.
Does he always say things how they are?:spade a spade,if this is how he always is, then to say this to you, would be as far as he is concerned normal conversation,although unsuitable at dinner.
You say when you lived together his daughter would very often crawl into bed with you both, at the age of 12/13,i wonder did you mention this at the time to her father,stating that you thought she was a little to old to be doing this.
Probably it's the daughter who is the instigator here, especially if there is a woman with her father,she's kind of marking her territory as she probably did whilst growing up.Call it a father daughter thing.
I personally don't like the fact that the conversation seems sexually orientated towards his children,however to judge the situation i would have to have been party to the whole conversation,as it looks as though it's just his way.
Should you be party to any other conversation that may occur in the future,i would just observe the content and the manner in which it is delivered,if you think that there definitely is a problem, them you must take this futher....
run, It is by no means ok to be sleeping with an opposite sex parent after the age of 4/5 per the law.It is poor boundries. Now if a child is afraid and the parent goes to the childs bed and waits for said child to fall asleep or the parent falls asleep but wakes up in middle of night and leave...is one thing. A child should not be crawling in the bed of a step parent. too many parents think that this is normal and ok and it is not. We are affecinate people, blah blah, whatever to justify to yourself. It does not teach heatlhy boundries with other people who are not family. Girls that had the so called loving father who rubbed thier backs allowed the dtrd to lay their heads on thier laps, after 10 is damaging to dtr and many of those girls have been easy with boys and other men because.....they do not know what appropriate boundaries are.......
It's a father dtr thing yeah it's a inappropriate thing period.......
There is nothing wrong with bed sharing, as long as they want to. i know many friends who slept with their parents until they were teens. we still have a family bed and my daughter is 8.
the things i AM concerned about is him having sex with his sons girl friend.
Is this girl delayed in anyway? physically, cognitively, mentally, ANY way? it is common for delayed children to stay 'child-like' for a while longer than thier peers. my daughter is, and i expect the child like behavior to continue for a while still.
Girls that had the so called loving father who rubbed thier backs allowed the dtrd to lay their heads on thier laps, after 10 is damaging to dtr and many of those girls have been easy with boys and other men because.....they do not know what appropriate boundaries are.......
Also, do you have any studies to back that statement up?
If you think that, from both your own experience with this man and his daughter, and from the tone and nature of his conversations with you recently, that there is reason to believe abuse is happening, then what do YOU think you should do.
Too many times we brush off doubts, situations, and knowledge where a simple phone call to have the situation checked out could have saved a child a lifetime of problems.
I am not saying or concluding that anything is going on, I am making the assumption that your own doubts about this situation are strong enough for you to seek advice, and you are concerned.
I think you are in my house...
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