I have an 18yr old stepdaughter that doesn't care about her school work. Won't go anywhere,. Stays in her room all of the time, eats junk, never cleans her room, I pay for her to get her hair done and she never does it. Just takes a shower and leaves it wet. She lies to me about school work and about doing chores. She leaves her dirty underwear in her draws and never washes them. When I ask her why she says I dont know? I have tried to take her to a counselor and she wont get out of the car to go. She calls me every name in the book and only is nice when she wants something. The problem is that her father who I just married 3 yrs ago will not back me up. He tells me that I treat her like crap so it is okay for her to do the same to me. Her mother passed away when she was 8 yrs old and she needs help. My husband says that I am the problem. He sees that there are no issues and that I am too hard on her. What??? I am trying to make her be responsible and ready for the big world out there, yet I am made out to be the bad guy. She has only 5 wks until school ends and was told that if she doesnt graduate that she will have to move out and get a job. She will not even get her drivers license and her dad takes her where ever she needs to go. So why would she? She even has a car in the garage for her. She is just plain lazy and her father has catered to her all her life and now he will not accept the fact that she needs to start acting like an adult.
I have given her job applications and she just throws them away.
I am to my end with this child! She is disrespectful to me when her dad is around and away and he allows her to get away with it. How can I make her move out of my house now that she is 18?? If her dad won't back me up am I stuck unless he goes too???

N0help4u

Quit trying to make her responsible. Let her have a messy room with stinky underwear and quite giving her money for things she will not do anyway. All you will do is wreck your relationship with the dad!
When she can't get a bf or anywhere in life maybe it will be motive enough for her to make an effort.
I bet if you try and get her out of your house he does go with her because he is already taking her side all the way around.

haddenk0705

I have quit giving her money over a month ago. But the stinky room I can't stand it and she is 18 yrs old and should abide by my rules. I went in there an removed all of it. The relationship with dad is on the rocks because of her. So I am just supposed to sit back and let her do whatever she wants? I wish there was a way to legally make her move out. She does absolutley nothing and he supports her and says "She's still a kid".

svatnsdal

I would say to just move out, tell your husband that you can not take it anymore. Look at the two of you going to see a councillor together, and bring it up with him. I really think you should separate and make him realize the problem that's there. It does sound like she's a 'daddy's girl'.

bushg

She is his child not yours...let him deal with her.

But demand that she treats you with respect...no cursing you, screaming at you, hitting etc...if she does call the cops.

haddenk0705

I have done that and it still doesn't work. I have let him deal with her and the problem is that when he is not around she acts up and then he doesn't support anything that I do. And why should I allow her to do whatever the hell she wants and I pay the bills and let her live in my house supporting her. I really would like to make her leave and have no idea what to do. I asked her to move out and she said "No" I dont have to . My dad still lives here and I can do what I want. He is gone to work and not here just she and I am it is driving me crazy.

N0help4u

It seems to me like you have to let her live her life the way she sees fit and then if she continues to treat you poorly hopefully her dad will realize you 'haven't been the problem' because you backed off. I think you have to decide which is more important him WITH her or tell them bye cause you do not care to live on the rocks any more. I am sure if you make her leave your home he will follow.

haddenk0705

The problem is that the house is mine and we get along except for when it comes to issues with her. I think that he needs to stand up and be a man and tell her where the bear *&^ in the woods! But he just wont do it. So I guess I have to make him leave in order for her to leave. How sad is it that a grown man will let his daughter dictate his relationship. I have been with him for over 3 yrs and she didn't use to act this way until the last 6 months. And I took her to the dr to have a personality test done and they said nothing was wrong. I had her drug tested and found nothing. She is a human home body sponge. She doesnt want to do anything!! Maybe she will get sick of being here and eventually leave. But she told me last week that she will do whatever she wants and whatever it takes to break her dad and I up because Daddy will give me money and pay for my hair and my cell phone whenever I want.
She makes my blood boil!!!

J_9

Remember that your husband has been with her since the day she was born, you are the "intruder" in their lives. There is really nothing you can do to change this situation for the better except divorce.

haddenk0705

Yes that is true. However he tells me that I am to act like her mom and not her friend. So when I do so, I still get slammed> So he gives me the authority to discipline and then takes it away. Because I am too harsh. Harsh is that I get tired of looking and smelling her crap, give her a day to clean it up or its going in the garbage. So the next day I put it in garbage bags and tell her it's gone. Dad even helped me put it in the bags. Then she cries to him and he gets mad at me and tells me I am to harsh???She feels picked on and my other 2 children from another marriage don't get treated the same way, Well those 2 know better. So I am just stuck because she is running my marriage and I guess there is no way to legally make her leave????