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I have an 18yr old stepdaughter that doesn't care about her school work. Won't go anywhere,. Stays in her room all of the time, eats junk, never cleans her room, I pay for her to get her hair done and she never does it. Just takes a shower and leaves it wet. She lies to me about school work and about doing chores. She leaves her dirty underwear in her draws and never washes them. When I ask her why she says I dont know? I have tried to take her to a counselor and she wont get out of the car to go. She calls me every name in the book and only is nice when she wants something. The problem is that her father who I just married 3 yrs ago will not back me up. He tells me that I treat her like crap so it is okay for her to do the same to me. Her mother passed away when she was 8 yrs old and she needs help. My husband says that I am the problem. He sees that there are no issues and that I am too hard on her. What??? I am trying to make her be responsible and ready for the big world out there, yet I am made out to be the bad guy. She has only 5 wks until school ends and was told that if she doesnt graduate that she will have to move out and get a job. She will not even get her drivers license and her dad takes her where ever she needs to go. So why would she? She even has a car in the garage for her. She is just plain lazy and her father has catered to her all her life and now he will not accept the fact that she needs to start acting like an adult.
I have given her job applications and she just throws them away.
I am to my end with this child! She is disrespectful to me when her dad is around and away and he allows her to get away with it. How can I make her move out of my house now that she is 18?? If her dad won't back me up am I stuck unless he goes too???
Remember that your husband has been with her since the day she was born, you are the "intruder" in their lives. There is really nothing you can do to change this situation for the better except divorce.
Yes I know and I have loved her as one of my own until she started acting this way horribly the last 6 months. She shouldnt allowed to become in between my marriage.I just think my husband is so blinded by her that he won't see it until it is too late. We have a great relationship except for her.
She is his little girl, and always will be.
She lost her mother at 8 years old, and you were the replacement.
Most kids don't take well to a replacement, no matter what the circumstances are.
If you make him take sides, he will choose hers over yours, naturally.
This is one of the big issues we face when we decide to "date" someone with children.
It rarely works out well, at least not without much patients and effort on the adults part.
I'm sorry, but from the sound of things, this is not going to end well and I guess you need
to decide just how much you are willing to take to be with him, and act on that decision.
You need to confront him that he wants you to discipline her but ties your hands from doing so.
Give him some situations that you and her have already been through (leave out the part of how you handled it) and ask him what would you do?
It seems to me like you have to let her live her life the way she sees fit and then if she continues to treat you poorly hopefully her dad will realize you 'haven't been the problem' because you backed off. I think you have to decide which is more important him WITH her or tell them bye cause you do not care to live on the rocks any more. I am sure if you make her leave your home he will follow.
Yes you are right. However I guess that it is scary because you would think that the norm is that they either move on to college which she won't and then we are left to grow old with our mates.
I guess he can choose to have her live with him for the rest of his life and see how far that gets him in the relationship department down the road.
Personally, I would just ignore her. No more money, no more privleges, just pretend she doesn't exist. She wants to break you two up and you are letting her do it. Who's the adult here? Tell hubby that you are done dealing with her, it's up to him now. Tell him that you are going to act like she's not here, otherwise you will end up leaving or kicking them both out. Hopefully she'll realize that she can't get you angry and she will stop. She's acting like a child, so treat her like one. Just my opinion.
She is his little girl, and always will be.
She lost her mother at 8 years old, and you were the replacement.
Most kids don't take well to a replacement, no matter what the circumstances are.
If you make him take sides, he will choose hers over yours, naturally.
This is one of the big issues we face when we decide to "date" someone with children.
It rarely works out well, at least not without much patients and effort on the adults part.
I'm sorry, but from the sound of things, this is not going to end well and I guess you need
to decide just how much you are willing to take to be with him, and act on that decision.
Good luck!
Yes she did loose her mother. However he did remarry 6 months after her demise for 7 yrs and then he divorced. However you are correct that I am the replacement. I have told her that I felt my mother and her mother met in heaven and brought her dad and I together.We have gotten along until the last 6 months. I have been with her dad for over 3 yrs. So I am frustrated as to why all of a sudden this is happening. I have 2 kids of my own from a previous marriage and they are 11 and 14 and get along great with him and her. But she can do no wrong in his eyes. I have that instinct with my kids, but if they do wrong they will accept the consequences. Maybe that's because I have raised them that way. She has had no consequences. My husband has always given her everything and thinks that buying her things and sweeping the problems under the rug is the easy fix. Now I am feeling the brunt of that pile of crap. But it's hard to accpet that he is choosing me over her. Thanks for the advice..
You say you have 2 children. Did their father die or was it divorce?
You see when a parent dies many times the living parent tries to make up for the death of the other parent, and sometimes these children become spoiled. Her mother died at 8, most likely he tried to make up for the loss by spoiling her.
You need to confront him that he wants you to discipline her but ties your hands from doing so.
Give him some situations that you and her have already been through (leave out the part of how you handled it) and ask him what would you do?
I have tried to do that and then he is accepting of it. I think that she is just not getting her way and now is using her pull to manipulate the situation. He even tells me that i am too hard on her and so I washed my hands of everything. No taking her anywhere no money no school support no homework support and told her I love you and will be here if there is an emergency but that she needs to rely on her dad for these things. So she did and he doesnt give them to her because he is gone all of the time and now is acting up. So when I confront her dad she turns it around and lies, lies, lies. I have even got her on video lying and he gets upset and say I dont want to hear it and walks away. He is in total denial
exactly! when she leaves him for a guy then he will see that he went down the wrong path and may possibly grow old all alone.
You are correct! However it's hard to divorce again! I just feel if there was some way I could make him wake up then I could save my marriage. But I am having to come the reality that he never will..
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