I have an 18yr old stepdaughter that doesn't care about her school work. Won't go anywhere,. Stays in her room all of the time, eats junk, never cleans her room, I pay for her to get her hair done and she never does it. Just takes a shower and leaves it wet. She lies to me about school work and about doing chores. She leaves her dirty underwear in her draws and never washes them. When I ask her why she says I dont know? I have tried to take her to a counselor and she wont get out of the car to go. She calls me every name in the book and only is nice when she wants something. The problem is that her father who I just married 3 yrs ago will not back me up. He tells me that I treat her like crap so it is okay for her to do the same to me. Her mother passed away when she was 8 yrs old and she needs help. My husband says that I am the problem. He sees that there are no issues and that I am too hard on her. What??? I am trying to make her be responsible and ready for the big world out there, yet I am made out to be the bad guy. She has only 5 wks until school ends and was told that if she doesnt graduate that she will have to move out and get a job. She will not even get her drivers license and her dad takes her where ever she needs to go. So why would she? She even has a car in the garage for her. She is just plain lazy and her father has catered to her all her life and now he will not accept the fact that she needs to start acting like an adult.
I have given her job applications and she just throws them away.
I am to my end with this child! She is disrespectful to me when her dad is around and away and he allows her to get away with it. How can I make her move out of my house now that she is 18?? If her dad won't back me up am I stuck unless he goes too???

Homegirl 50

You are right on spot again my man.

ldyastrid

Does your husband work some other job rather than 9-5? It sounds as if he's gone days at a time or something.

Sit down with Dad and create a written set of rules and make all people living in the house sign it. These are the same rules they've always been - but now they are written down. Also discuss what the punishment is for broken rules - this being made together takes away the "you are being to harsh" statement. If Dad says anything against what you've all come up with, bring out the contract with his signature on it and say "here ya go" - this is what YOU agreed to and the rules all must follow or ... happens.

Once she is an adult - you are not obligated to take care of her. However... if you want to kick anyone out of your home - check with the police dept ... in Wisconsin, they have to be evicted just like renters - eviction notice, etc. We came VERY close to doing that with my step son... but then he "ran away" on his own... and hasn't lived with us since (not for lack of trying... I refused to have him live with me - if Dad wanted to "help" him, he could go, but MY choice was to never have him live with me as an adult and I could / did make that choice.

Good Luck!

twinkiedooter

Probably why she changed in the last 6 months like you said is because the magic number 18 is looming very large over the horizon and school is almost over and she knows that means you can legally tell her to vamoose out of your household. How does she feed herself? Do you take her meals to her in her room? Does she sit at the table and glare? Who buys her the junk food? It's basically a clash of wills at this point and you seem to be the one who is caving in right now as you are too uptight about this whole situation. May I suggest totally banishing her to her room - meals included? I am sure this will get very boring after while for her. She is rebelling about having to end school and actually take a stab at growing up. She is scared silly if you ask me and her lashing out at you is quite typical behavior of someone in her situation. She is blaming everything wrong with her on you. The old transferral game as my mother would put it. Just think about this for a moment, please. You may be a normal mom who likes a clean, neat home. She is literally grasping onto her childhood with both hands and doing everything in her power to keep it that way. Take the car away for starters. Keep your hands out of her room and resist the urge to clean it up. She knows just how to push your buttons, honey, I can see that in big neon signs from here. It may be your house but she doesn't give a poop who's house it is. She sounds like she needs some kind of mental health. Try seeing if you can get someone to make a housecall and assess her in her true enviornment now. The other test was not valid as it was done in some dr's office and I'm sure they had no clue as to just how she really lived and acted.

The exmilitary guy is letting her push him around and he's taking it. He sure has a lot of guilt baggage he's carrying around still from her mom's death. Unfortunately you are the only one suffering in this situation. Making them feel miserable is not going to help things here. This situation will have to play itself out. You might end up alone due to it. If that proves to be the case, so be it. They were not for you. You can only beat yourself up so much and for so long and then your health will suffer from all the stress.

Since she is 18 you may file a formal eviction notice and evict her from your home but that will only cause WWIII with your husband.