How do I get my son to talk to me

fredg · Nov 21, 2005, 04:34 AM

Hi,
I am 63 yrs old, married 28 yrs, and have 2 sons and a daughter. This is my second marriage. (2 sons by the first)
Your 19 yr old son still loves you; you are his Mom.
Divorce is hard on everyone, but particularly hard on kids to understand, sometimes, why.
He still loves you, but just can't get it through his mind yet what to do about the divorce and the fact that you and his Dad aren't living together anymore.
Keep trying to call him on the phone, or send him an email sometimes.
Send him a card once in a while.
Let him know you are there for him. Eventually, he will start talking with you again. It will take some time; maybe even a year; it's hard to say.
Meantime, please talk with others, and keep meeting new people. It will help to possibly get him off your mind for a little while, anyway.
I do sincerely wish you the best, and hang in there.

Elfy · Nov 21, 2005, 04:33 PM

Hi fredg

Thankyou for your reply . I will do as you have advised and keep in touch with my son and keep trying.I hope and pray you are right that he will eventually get in touch with me. I thank you also for telling me he still loves me too. I need to hear that.

Elfy

talaniman · Nov 21, 2005, 05:11 PM

Even though he is very angry now rest assured your son still loves you.He just needs a little time to catch up with his situation. I don't know what kind of relationship you and your ex have but he could be a major influence in resolving a lot of feelings your son has.In the mean time you need to talk to someone to get you through this obviously stressfull time.A friend maybe or a trusted person. Be patient and things will work out ,but remember let him deal with his anger but you are the mother, not the doormat for his bad feelings.

Elfy · Nov 22, 2005, 05:11 AM

Hi Talaniman

My ex and I do not have a good relationship at all. My son has told me many times how much his father hates me. His girlfriend apparantly hates me to and I am not sure why really as I have never spoke to her.

They wouldn't give me their new address although I know it as my lawyer gave it to me.But don't go there.I do not have a phone number just my sons email address.

When I did go to see my son before he always seemed agitated when he would first get into the car. I always told my son I wanted his dad and I to just get along for his sake but if I even asked him how his dad was doing he would get angry with me.

I think that they make it uncomfortable for him to have a relationship with me at all.

THankyou for you help . I am trying to cope and take the good advice and help I have received here. I have spent many a day crying and know that I can't go on like I have been. I live in the country and not a lot around but time to think to much. Thankgoodness for internet and that I found this site.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 24, 2005, 03:37 PM

Maybe the child, or son is not even getting the messages? That would have gone threw my mind if that was happening.

2 hours away. Well that is the problem. Why do you not see him more often. What happened with your relationship.

You can not force somebody to talk to you but first of all you need to make sure he is actually getting your messages. It sounds to me that your ex husband is turning your son against you as well. Or like my original thought is that your son is not even getting any of your messages. Ex husbands especially have a habit of hiding away or talking bad and even turning children against their other parent. For me personally I was raised by my mom, she never turned me against my father but at the end of it all I realised what kind of person he was on my own.

Joe

Fr_Chuck · Nov 24, 2005, 07:49 PM

When my ex left me, it was not a pretty break up. She left and I was raising 2 teen boys on my own. ( did not have a girl friend at the time, but got one latter)

It was several years before the boys talked with the mother, and the relationship grew slowly.

All relationships differ but normally many take time to first come to grip with the new situation,

He will surely still love you, but he most likely feels hurt and somewhat cheated out of his normal "home"

Elfy · Nov 25, 2005, 06:22 AM

Hi Jesushelper76

I was the one to leave in the first place. My son still living at home was not happy about it but we were on speaking terms at least but he was always appearing angry with me and speaking to me extrememly nasty.

My ex moved in with his girlfriend over two hours away.

My son went with them as he was already at home and not working at a full time job or anything. He didn't want to live with me as I am living in the country and nothing around.

Since he moved I have seen him once. He was still not very friendly but we managed to have a visit.His father and I had some bad words between us and since that time my son was angry with me sending me a rotton email and now he won't reply to my emails.

Yes I am sure his dad does not speak well of me but he is nineteen and I am hoping in time he will come around.

I was a good mother to my son all is life and we did have a good relationship.

Thankyou for your reply

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2005, 06:36 AM

Elfy

I understand that you left and maybe your son is angry with you over that. There are reasons for that to happen. Having words back and forth with your ex in front of your child is not a good thing because that just increases the tension. I would say that your husband and husbands girlfriend has a lot of influence which does not sound that good at all. I pray that you will find the strength to keep showing your love to your son and showing support and trying to keep intouch with your son without the involvement of your husband. Do not rely on your husband to relay messages for your son. Have you ever tried to get together with your son, just the two of you. My advice if you are able to have that apportunity is that you do not say anything bad about his father and be supportive and understanding no matter how he acts. Be the better person and always act in love not in anger. I do hope he comes around but the longer time you are apart the harder it might be.

Elfy · Nov 25, 2005, 06:38 AM

Hi Fr_Chuck

Thanks

I am glad for your sons sake and your wife's sake that they are speaking again. I can only imagine what their mother went through for that time she didn't see them.

I know that they must have been hurt and angry and it must have been hard on them as it is for my son.

The thought of not maybe seeing him for several years is hard to face up to.

I miss my son terriblly especially with Christmas coming on.I have to fight depression all the time.

I hope you are right that he surely still does love me anyway..

How do I get my son to talk to me

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