How to deal with rude disrespectful adult children
Seven years ago my husband and I divorced. We have 4 grown children 33, 35, 37, 39. I have 2 boys and 2 girls. My oldest son won't have anything to do with me because he blames me for the divorce. We had been married 35 years and had problems years ago, but I stayed because of my kids. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I married at 14 and had my first child at almost 17.
Since that time their dad has played the pity card. He used our kids to try to make me stay in a marriage that he refused to work on or communicate until I finally said enough. My 2 daughters include him in everything and rarely include me and my husband. They are very rude and disrespectful to me unless they need me for something. My oldest daughter constantly talks hateful to me, tells lies about me, and she won't let me see my grandchildren.
The only time they include me is if they need something. When trouble comes they call me, but the rest of the time dad is their concern. The treat him like he is an invalid and baby him to death and he encourages it, he encourages them to be rude and mean to me. They did it while we were married, he didn't want to do the hard part of parenting like telling them no... he always put that on me.
Most of our married years he was never around anyway. He came home on the weekends and did the play with the kids routine, so all they remember was the "play daddy" and the discipline and saying no from mom. I went to college with all four of my kids and am a retired teacher.
I am a Christian and I struggle with just cutting ties with them, but this has been going on since before my divorce but it really escalated after the divorce. My ex-husband never stood up for me or respected me in front of his kids. This has been going on for 7 years right now to a point that I stay so depressed and cry because I never know what I am allowed to say, when I am allowed to call their home, but they feel they can call me anytime , they don't respect my privacy or that I might still be in bed of the morning or at night. It is all about what they want, they never consider me or my life.
I am just at my wits end, I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around them and they make no bones talking badly to me because they have always gotten by with it, their dad never did a thing when they did it. I just need help..