At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
My daughter has been "stealing" street signs for a few years now. There are dents in my bumper to prove that the were not just lying there. I talked to her about the fines incurred when the stolen signs are found in your possession. She knows.
Now I've found a new pair of shoes, over $60. shoes in her room. The "beeper" tags were in the box. Tools to remove the tags were in her room near the shoes. She is now 18. How should I bring it up?
I told her that if she wasn't willing to help out around the house, she should move out. She is now staying with my parents (past 3 months.) She is rude and unhelpful towards them too. Is there anything I can do to help her grow up besides letting her try to live on her own?
She works part time and is attending college. Playing with her friends takes precidence over being respectful towards those who are giving as much help as they can.
simon I have thought about this problem and if it were me I would dump the shoes in the garbage or remove the tags and give them to a thrift shop , womens shelter etc...
In the box I would replace the shoes with a letter explaining to her not to bring stolen goods into my home. I would look up and find out what the law states about theft in my state and what the fines and jail sentence could be if she were to get caught. I would tell her that when she gets caught to not call me, that she knows it is wrong and that she may have to go to jail. I would offer to go to counseling with her if that is what she wanted and I would make sure to tell her that I love her.
The reason I would write this instead of talking to her about it , is because you can make your point instead of worrying about getting into an argument and saying things that you do not mean out of frustration also this is something that she can go back and reread. Then I would leave it alone. I know if this were one of my kids I would be sick with worry. I hope everything works out.
There was a story on the news about three or four years ago '
They said some teens pulled a prank stealing the stop signs at an intersection.
It resulted in some deaths due to an accident because of no stop signs
The teens got charged and convicted of murder.
If she wants signs I am sure she could check with the Dept of Transportation or somewhere and see if they are allowed to give her old signs they do not use any more.
The reason I would write this instead of talking to her about it , is because you can make your point instead of worrying about getting into an argument and saying things that you do not mean out of frustration also this is something that she can go back and reread. Then I would leave it alone. I know if this were one of my kids I would be sick with worry. I hope everything works out.
Had to spread the rep, but that was a darn good course of action.
Thanks to all for the answers and they all have merit.
I just found out today that my dad found her with the stolen shoes. She told him that they weren't stolen, that the store had neglected to take the tags off. I'd better talk to him. Yes, since she is living with my parents, we need to show a united front.
The word playing is used too much. Spending time with friends is probably more respectful. I can not treat her like a little girl anymore. I was a teen once myself and ran wild with friends and did stupid stuff. But, when she is rude to someone in the household, it's because the person backs down. Again, this suggests a family conference.
She was raised by her dad. I've had to train myself not to say, "you're just like your dad!" When she was naughty, he yelled and took away privileges. I rarely yell. When I do, my ten year old is quick to point out that I've chosen to be angry...But then she catches herself doing it too and laughs.
We follow three rules about anger:
a) Don't hurt anyone else
b) Don't hurt yourself
c) Don't break anything (including laws) If the 3 rule are met, be as angry as you need to.
If the 18 year old does get caught doing something illegal, my thought is not to bail her out. She claims that we are all so restrictive, hmmm. What do you think? I know that too much leniency is not good for some kids. It wasn't good for me.
Never compromise the rules for kids. Why because they will always think your to strict. Now its different if they can openly and honestly, express a case for more freedom, but acting in inapropriate ways against the rules they hate is not cutting it. 18 is adults. They have to obey the rules of the house, the same ones I live by, or leave.
Call the police, They'll give her a warning and hopefully that'll wake her up.
I had a friend that did a lot of theft, and her parents knew they told the police to keep an eye on her. She was caught stealing condoms and given an official caution. She didn't steal again afterwards, she was too scared.
Hope this helps,
Louis.
OMG stealing condoms!!!????! That is so depressing, I mean, maybe her boy friend wanted em, but still....
Never compromise the rules for kids. Why because they will always think your to strict. Now its different if they can openly and honestly, express a case for more freedom, but acting in inapropriate ways against the rules they hate is not cutting it. 18 is adults. They have to obey the rules of the house, the same ones I live by, or leave.
This is so true.
And if she wants to be treated like an adult then she should act like one.
Simone you might want to remind her again that she is acting childish by being rude.
I would also add to what Allheart said,maybe your daughter has a problem (compulsive behaviours) or something else that is making her steal.
It could be her so called friends,doing dares or they could be "blackmailing" her into joining them in their illegal activities.And the rudeness and other changes could be due to the pressures she has from these same friends.
It must be so hard for you,but I do hope you are able to help her stop these acts before they become habit.
She needs to be responsible for her actions and turned in to the authorities.
Why do you think enabling the girl is good advice EXCON?? You would have the mother just sweep this all under the rug and THAT is not right!!
This comes from someone who IS NOT an excon. I do not steal because it is wrong!!! She did the crime she should do the time.
Linear Mode
