My daughter has been "stealing" street signs for a few years now. There are dents in my bumper to prove that the were not just lying there. I talked to her about the fines incurred when the stolen signs are found in your possession. She knows.

Now I've found a new pair of shoes, over $60. shoes in her room. The "beeper" tags were in the box. Tools to remove the tags were in her room near the shoes. She is now 18. How should I bring it up?

I told her that if she wasn't willing to help out around the house, she should move out. She is now staying with my parents (past 3 months.) She is rude and unhelpful towards them too. Is there anything I can do to help her grow up besides letting her try to live on her own?

She works part time and is attending college. Playing with her friends takes precidence over being respectful towards those who are giving as much help as they can.

slick_devil

get that child feel ashamed through certain reactions through his friends or brothers or sisters..but dont insult the chid..bcos once u inject negativity in a child..its hard to get rid of it..
it encourages destructive nature....
it also may be a psychiatric disease ..i've forgot the name right now..
u may consult a psychiatrist

Username Here

Call the police, They'll give her a warning and hopefully that'll wake her up.

I had a friend that did a lot of theft, and her parents knew they told the police to keep an eye on her. She was caught stealing condoms and given an official caution. She didn't steal again afterwards, she was too scared.

Hope this helps,
Louis.

Fr_Chuck

Stealing will only grow worst, let your parents know, if you find the stolen itmes have them returned ( letting her keep stolen things make you part of the crime also)

talaniman

You and your parents, will have to put your heads together, and be a united front, and not tolerate any disrespect or BS, from this half grown adult.

excon

Hello s:

Snitching on your kids would be the WORSE thing you could do. Giving them a criminal record is NOT good parenting. The COPS are not there to WARN your daughter. They're there to BUST your daughter. That's what COPS do. They're NOT a social agency. Prison is NOT a place where one gets help.

Nope. Don't listen to this drivel....

excon

Allheart

Excon, what about that scared straight program? Do you think that would help.

Simon - This has to be a huge heartache for you and I am so sorry. Is there any underlining situation going on. Could there be a reason she is acting out. Have you calmly asked her?

I am huge on a child showing and behaving with respect and if I had children, I would not tolerate it. But like anything, I would want to make sure there is not "something else" going on.

Is there?

excon

Hello All:

I don't think there is A scared straight program... There are some police forces that put on what THEY think is a program like that. It's not monitored. It's not sanctioned by any national body. There are no frameworks for successful programs such as these. There are no studies about the effectiveness of these programs. There are only anecdotal stories.

So NO, I don't think ANY program put on by the POLICE helps....

excon

PS> I don’t believe boot camps or chain gangs work either.

Allheart

I think the knee reaction is to discipline. But something needs to be delved into a little deeper. We forget, children have feelings and problems, and at that age they are so mangified.

I beleive Excon is right, calling law enforcement in at this stage, is addressing the end result of your child's actions and not the cause.

Simon, I will be thinking and saying good thoughts for you. Don't give up on your child,
meaning, don't get so overwhelmed, if you can help it.

It's one thing for a child to have a flip mouth, but this has gone beyond that.

Anything leading up to this?

Sending love,
Allheart

rodandy12

Simone,

Lot's of stuff in your note.

I'm of the opinion that if you do a very good job as a parent the way you can tell is that the kid takes you for granted. If you provide a loving environment in which they can grow, they you know you love them although that knowledge might get buried at times. To function in an adult world, they will have to learn how to deal with their peers. This doesn't make it feel any better when she would rather spend time with them than you and your parents. Fitting in with peers is a big concern at this age so learning to cope with them is a big part of what she is doing.

Sounds like she is in with some kids who don't mind breaking the law. This stuff can get her into trouble, but I don't see it as major. Many kids that age do that sort of thing...I did, my son did. The consequences can vary with location. If you live in a small town, the cops probably know what is going on and are either turning a blind eye to it or waiting until they can catch these kids red handed. If you live in an urban area, the comments from excon are completely correct. I don't think you can prevent her from leading this life at this time, She'll just have to grow out of it...or there may be some traumatic event that shocks her out of it.

On the plus side, she is working and going to college. Perhaps in a college environment she will either make new friends or the group she runs with will grow up. College can do that. Professors don't really care about teenage problems. The kids are there to do the work and get better prepared for life. College success is a test of how life works in the big world. That said, the bulk of what one learns in college is learned outside the classroom through interaction with others who want to make something of their lives. She is in an environment to do that. My daughter just read what I wrote and added that it would be better for her to go to a college other than the one her friends are going to.

One other thing..."playing with her friends." 18 year olds don't play with their friends. She is a young adult and if you use that sort of language with her it probably contributes to her behavior.

It is really out of your hands at this point, but what you have been doing is managing a transition from childhood to adulthood. You want her to be a fully functioning adult capable of getting along in the world and making good choices. You want her to be independent. As she becomes more ready to stand on her own the two of you can become better friends than you are at this point, but only if you respect her as an adult. At this time, that probably isn't easy, but hopefully, it will happen eventually.

Oh, the way you bring up stealing is to show her what you found and ask her to explain it.