At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Single mom raised son & daughter ,I worked two jobs so they could go to karate, dance, extra activities, school clothes ect. Dad saw children on holidays by choice..child support 50.00 weekly for 16 years..Dad has his own family and large corporation on books ,now that kids are 18 & 19. Son didnt want to finish high school so I told him he would then have to get a job and help support household or finish school...He didnt want to contribute to household so I told him he couldnt live at home. He went to his dads and hasnt spoken to me since...wont take my calls or call me. It has been 1 year since we talked. He talks to his sisters but not me. His dad gave him a job at his company and his own apartment , pays for both childrens cell phone bills and they both have gas accounts for their cars. Gives them money for whatever they want. I recently injured myself at work and can no longer work 40 hours ...things are tough but able to survive. Daughter is now in college and father bought her new laptop, printer , fridge ,clothes, microwave, meal plan ..gas account , cell phone,car .. I recently went to court to modify child support to continue while she is in college. The courts agreed to it.
I get a call from my daughter at college and she said her dad and her agreed that she should have half the child support weekly..I told her it is for the roof over her head when she comes home..I would agree to some but not all.She told me why should my father support you and feed you while I am at school, Go get a full time job and support yourself. I have never been so hurt in all my life. I cant believe she would say something like that to me. In anger I told her she can have all the child support and then when she comes home on some weekends she should go to her dads house.
Many times they would tell me not to eat the food that their dad bought for them..this is all in the past two years since he started to see them at the age of 16. I dont know what happened or where I went wrong. It seems as though money is much more important then love. I cant take the eye rolling and the disrespectful comments anymore. I would appreciate any input.
Does this turn around? Do I give my daughter the child support? Do I wait for my son to contact me?
In my opinion, again, I totally fear this happening to me when my children grow up, although I get NO child support at all and I am raising three children.
I would say, that if he wants to give them the money directly, then as long as they are taking it and using it for their own survival, then you use the money you are currently making to survive on your own. I would check with your state about the rules and regulations of child support, but even though your 16 year old is out of school, as long as he is in your house, he is still a minor and there should be a certain age (like 18 or something) until his father is legally able to no longer pay child support. Look into that please. But if he is living with his father and working for his father, then again, I don't think there is much you can do-but to just take care of yourself. It sounds as though your children have been somewhat brainwashed by their father as far as how support and love is concerned. As long as you taught them about love and respect when they were growing up, this shall pass and eventually, hopefully, they will begin treating you with the respect that you deserve...once they realize all you have done for them. Just be the better parent and don't stoop their father's level. A lot of times, the non custodial parent will try to win their children's love with money-but in the end, that parent, too, will get disrespected and there will be no real love there to move forward with. Unfortunately, only time will tell.
Thank you so much for your support. I hope that you never have to experience that with your children. I believe I felt guilty that they didnt have a dad living with them and over compensated in all ways. Some times you just need to hear someone else say it going to be ok.
Thank you so much for your support. I hope that you never have to experience that with your children. I believe I felt guilty that they didnt have a dad living with them and over compensated in all ways. Some times you just need to hear someone else say it going to be ok.
Thank you so much.
I can imagine how hard it must be for you, but I think this is a question that no one could ever really answer right or wrong. This is my opinion on the whole subject and I really feel for you. I think that it's hard for everyone in the whole situation not to be selfish at some point because of all the hurt and confusion everyone goes through. But love and respect in the long run can get you a lot further than any kind of money in the world.
I commented on another post by you and the answer is the same. You've done your work and no one has a right to desrepect you. Its still your house an if Dad wants to finish raising these brats so be it. They will grow up one day and see the truth ,who put the time and effort into them so let 'em go for now and concentrate on your own happiness. You deserve it so let them bump around with dad. Hell tell him where to stick his child support and wash your hands of the whole wicked mess.
You have brought up your children properly. Your husband is giving them everything they need, now intern your children will always be dependant on somebody instead of taking care of themselves. Now that they chose to leave the house. It is up to them to live their own life and make their own decisions. As far as child support. Even when I was out of the house when I was 17, and even in my mid 20's my mom was still going after my father for child support and actually getting payments and I do not see a cent of it. Quite honestly I feel the same way. Why can my mother use it for herself. Even though I beleive I am entitled to it? She is using his money for herself and my half sister. That does not make sense to me. If he is giving them money for everything and also supporting them. Honestly in my opinion you should not be receiving the money anymore. I do not know what the laws are. Personally though I am Canadian, my father is american but some how they were still getting the support from him.
I have a little one on the way. My wife is getting induced on the 28th of this month.
Both my wife and I had our fathers leave when we were three years old. I would say the child support was off and on. Lots of chasing around I gather. At the same time I am old enough so any back payment in my opinion should go to me.
I pray to God. Both my wife and I went through life with non existant real fathers and we went through lots of crap. I know what it was like and my wife knows what it was like. I do not want to go through that with our children. Never.
At least your husband seemed like he made regular payments.
Technically the children are out of your custody. They are at legal age. To be honest both parents don't need to support either of them. They can survive on their own. I left my home at 18. Worked and school was part of my dedication. They may be your children but put yourself in their shoes. They would never think the same way you do. If the father wants to help and continue the support I think it would be at the kids discretion if they want to share them with you. It maybe harsh and cruel for you but that's how life goes. Unless you have raised your kids to be completely tender loving care then they shouldn't be acting like that regardless with your situation and neither brainwashing wouldn't do any good at that age either. Kids usually protect their mother first over the father.
I am glad to get different opinions on this site. To make my question a little clearer here...18 year old lives at school , comes home every other weekend, holidays and breaks...do they contribute to the house hold or let it go..that is my point with child support. I am a single mom still raising another younger child , I want my child to learn responsibility not think she doesnt have to contribute at all...She wants for nothing and is going to be in for a rude awakening when school is out.
Linear Mode
