I have a beautiful 19 month granddaughter that I dearly love and I love to spend time with her. The time I get to spend with her seems to me, is the time left over after everyone else. I have made plans for special outings on several ocassions only to have them canceled at the last minute. If there is a last minute get together or anything that comes up with her family, I get blown off. I would never treat my daughter in law in such a way. Because of getting my feelings hurt and feeling like I am of no importance, I am now getting jealous along with the getting hurt. I know my daughter in law is close to her mother and she has alot of family in this area. Alot of Aunts, Uncles and cousins. My family in the area is my husband, my Mom ( I am her only care provider ), my son, daughter in law, and granddaughter. I can't seem to talk to my son about how I feel as he thinks I am over sensitive, and becomes all defensive. ( Last Christmas I was allotted the time between 9am-10am for Christmas day. The rest of the day was spent at her parents. ) I really don't like to be jealous because I like her parents. I am not comfortable talking to my daughter in law about how I feel. The only solution is for me to learn how to deal with this and I don't even know where to begin. HELP

BrknHrtdme

My thought and prayers go out to all of you. I will pray for the selfish/uncaring DIL's out there, as well. I am a 45 yr old Mimi of three grandchildren, two girls and one boy. My situation is that each of them have different mom's! Yes, three girls who would be DIL's have they married my oldest son. The first girl, my son got together with after her 18 yr old boyfriend committed suicide. She was 15 1/2, then. I thought she was 17, or so she looked way older. Her mother allowed guys to spend the night and she'd supplied condoms to all the neighborhood boys because she worked at planned parenthood. Anyway, on New Years Eve, this girl had the nerve to ask me what I would do if she had a baby~ all her friends were having them and she'd love to have one. WHAT!? My son had told me to let her know how hard it was on me to balance school and him when I was 18, and that he wasn't ready to be a dad yet. She got pregnant in February the following year. I helped raise my granddaughter for 4 years, and the girls lies to everyone acting as if she was a great mother always around. She was a kid, still being a rebellious teenager. My son even bought her a ring and asked her to marry him. That didn't last long because she started seeing other guys. Now, she is finally married, but since then has moved 5 hours away and doesn't allow my son to have visitation and tells me what to say and do about how to be a grandma. The new husband is called "daddy" and HIS parents are "the grandparents" now. It is so sad to not be able to see her because it is hard to travel around our work schedules and IF she ever comes to town, my son has to share her between her mom's family and ours. We do not have a problem with the middle grandson's great grandparents. We are very lucky they are raising him, although his mom lives with them. She does get verbally ugly sometimes, but we know not to let it bother us because she doesn't have a clue about raising a child yet. She's around more with him, so that is good. Okay, now the last grandchild was found out when she was 6 months. Her mom didn't even bother to let my son know the baby MAY be his. She's a stripper! She tested a few guys, black and white, but none were positive. She found my son on Myspace THROUGH THE FIRST CHILD'S MOM! Not a good idea! Anyhow, my son was tested. 99 % positive he was the dad. She acted all excited to meet us and involve us in her life, set up a meet her daughter day at her dad's close by, then moved the next weekend! She told my son the day before she moved! This grandchild is 4 hours away, she has become best friends with my other grandchildrens moms (they cyber bully my son and me all the time). When I ask about my granddaughter, she tells me not to ask because I have to, ask because I want to. Breaks my heart! She was going to keep us posted on her "firsts", send pictures, email, etc. She is now the mother of a new baby girl by her nice black boyfriend and allows his baby to go for days to HIS parents home, but we are not allowed to do this with our granddaughter. How cold is that? I just want to give up. The little girl doesn't even know us. We have seen her twice since she's been in Houston for both of her birthdays, and miss her very much. Any advice? I pray my two other sons marry nice, caring, family-oriented, unselfish women. God bless, and sorry for the detailed post. I'm just so depressed about all of it. My son IS married now to a very nice gal.

understands

I feel for all of you that have posted on this site. I would like to offer you a perspective from the other side. I am a new mother of a 4 month old son. Recently, I went back to work after being home with him all day for three months. That time for me was amazing, so The transition has been very difficult for me. Now, I see him perhaps an hour and a half a day before he's ready to conk out. Though I know my m-i-l wants to see him more often, I wish that she realized that I, too, want to see him more often. Our time together has been drastically reduced and I cherish every moment I have with him. Because he is so young, we try very hard to stick to a schedule. M-I-L wants to come by at 6 right as we are beginning our night time routine. (bath, bottle, book, and bed) Occassional interruptions to this schedule are harmless, but more frequent stops, dinners out, etc are just not plausible at this time. Also, when she offers to keep him she does so with offers to pick him from nursery school (while I am at work) and take him out and about. I feel uncomfortable with anyone other than my husband or me driving our son around. She is offended, however, I can't help how we both feel about this and would likely be all for her offer if she suggested that she watch him at our home for a few hours. Rather, she wants the freedom to run errands, go out to lunch, etc. I do understand that to the grandparents out there, this fear seems rather obnoxious, but it is not one that is limited to her and I wish she would respect our feelings rather than trying to make us feel guilty for having them. I am not a terrible person. I have a college degree, a full time job, and am a loving wife. That I feel closer to my own mother is not a reflection of my m-i-l. I do feel as though I react negatively when she attempts to make me feel guilty, pushes me, or objects to my not allowing her to watch my son if she wants to be driving around. Grandparents are a blessing, and there are those of us that DO cherish you. Please to take into account what Ive said, as well as the type of family relationships your d-i-l had. I did not see my grandparents weekly, sometimes even monthly - but I always loved them, enjoyed them, and cherished them - just as they did me.

AtLarge

This is clearly an emotional topic. My daughter has struggled with her mother in law who thinks it is her right to tell her son and my daughter how to live their lives. She takes it personally when they reject her advice. She has tried to put a wedge between my daughter and her son. Which, happily, only brings the two of them closer together.

Just ask yoursel this. Do I treat my daugher in law the way I expected my mother in law to treat me when I was young? (Yes, it IS the same thing...)

And good luck. I am sure you mean well. But your grandchild will grow up with or without you. And if you want it to be with you, you may have to take a different approach. What you are doing now is clearly not working. So... just a thought...

Fr_Chuck

For heavens sake does no one ever watch and look at the dates of the thread. This thread was over 3 years old.