Im from the old school and the next time he try to hurt your other kids or smash anything in your home.Pull his pants off and get a belt and bust his . Then after you sit him down and talk to long and hard about why you got him he will pay attention

Can you say truthfully that you hate your son's behaviour, or is it you truly hate your son.

It is alarming, whether you realize it or not, that to title a question in a parenting section with "I hate my son", is going to raise a few red flags. That statement alone tells me a few things.

This didn't happen overnight. He didn't turn from a happy secure child into a child with so much anger. What led up to this. There are so many reasons he could be acting out. It may have something to do with being bullied at school, he may be using drugs, he may be as others have said, learning disabled.

I don't believe that social services would close the book on this one as being finished. If you had one that closed the book on an obvious family in distress, get another one, complain to the director, insist on accountability by any professional you speak with.

Whatever has been tried is not enough, and has not been effective. If this behaviour is allowed to escalate, you are going to be facing more, not less, of the same.

Your obligation is to find a way. How you feel about him may be affecting his behaviour, although I personally think you are probably just fed up and overwhelmed yourself. You are not working with this child effectively, and where is your husband during all this? What does he do with your son to find ways to help him.

I think it is really a situation that you have no choice but to seek help, and not stop until you get it. There is no magic bullet to reverse all of this overnight. A long term plan with some sort of family counselling and a firm plan of action to include assessment is imperative for this child. If you need to fight for help for him, do it and don't give up until you get it.

Thanks Jake 2008, you are right in a lot of what you say and no I do not hate my son I just can't cope anymore with his behaviour I have tried so many things to help and just end up with every door closed in my face it is just so hard to try to help one child and try to protect the other 2 and I have got a husband who is at home with us but he is not particularly a hands on dad. I hope that people do not think that this is just me feeling sorry for myself I honestly have come to a dead end and yes I guess I am going to have to fight to try and get my son what he needs and all I want is for all of my family to be happy

Some kids are evil. No matter how good a parent you are. I think they may be devil possessed. NO amount of counseling can or will ever help some kids. Think about it- no different than no counseling or help can ever help some adults. Just a Cry for help my butt- some parents need to cry for help.

I don't know how many times I've said "I love you but I hate what you are doing" over the years to my own kids.

While all of this goes on, you're getting swallowed up. With no feeling of control, and being in control, it goes from one crisis to the next, putting out fires but they keep flaring up again.

Whether your husband is a hands on dad or not, he has no option here. He has to learn what he needs to do to help you and his son. No excuses, no choices. I see problems like this sometimes as starting at the top, and working your way down. You and your husband need to learn what you need to do, together, to help your son. You have to stop knocking your head against a brick wall, and he has to get onboard.

When you start with that, and the cards are out on the table, and who's on first sort of thing, then you go from there. Ask for an assessment of your son, through your family doctor again. Once you get that going again, you and your husband will be given the direction you need on how to parent, and cope, with your son.

I get the impression that if you had the right tools and guidance to do the job, it would be done already. I understand your reluctance also. I knocked on a lot of doors for one of my kids and learned (after the fact) that counsellors are a dime a dozen, and you have to keep going until you get somebody that can actually come up with a plan, and that will teach you what you need to know. They are out there.

Something I did for myself that somebody suggested once, was to get a diary of some sort. When you have days when you are about to pull your hair out, find 20 minutes after everybody is sleeping, and write the day out. Purge baby purge! That's how I used to think of it. Sometimes I'd write a lot, sometimes a little. It helps to get the anger out, and reduce the stress at the same time.

I know this is all falling on your shoulders to find solutions here, but at the same time, you already know that you have the strength to do it. Once you get your resolve back, you're already on the road to see changes.

I hope you keep updating us here.

Your son is 12, not only is he at a difficult age, but it seems that there is something going on in his life.

Have there been any recent events that have traumitized him or any extreme changes that may have brought on this behavior?

How long has this behavior been going on? Have you taken him to a doctor to see if he has a learning disability or a chemical imbalance?

Has he been to a counsellor, if so, how long?

How do you act around him? Do you treat him differently then the other 2 kids because of his behavior? Have you ever told him to his face that you hate him, does he know that you have contemplated suicide because of him?

It's time to do everything you can for this child. You brought him into this world, as a mother it's your responsibility to see that he is all he can be.

As for yourself, counselling is a good idea, seeing as you are suicidal. Committing suicide is, to me, the easy way out. If you think your son has problems now, you killing yourself will only escalate them.

Give your son a hug, I'm willing to be it's a long time since you have.

Good luck.

I was in a very similar situation with my son. He is mentally impaired with made it even harder to find resources. Youth intervention programs wouldn't take him because of his disability, the counseling I tried was a joke. My son wouldn't talk or even act out if front of anyone but me. The violence got increasingly worse, he started grabbing knives, threating to kill himself. I took all the knives out of the house. Replaced window, picked up broken nicknacks. That was putting a bandaid on a bullet whole.

Eventually it got to be more then I could bear. I called the police and had them take him to the metal hospital. Police came, he went willing, we got to the hospital and every time the person who admits the kids came in the room he stopped misbehaving. When she wasn't in the room, was was throwing chairs, calling me names etc,etc. She came back in the room and told me because of his disability, they could not take him. I told her that I could NOT take him home. She left and came back in just to see him throwing a chair. He got admitted. It took about 5 more visits to the hospital and a lot of hair pulling out of my own head, tears, feelings of being a failed parent, hopelessness. In the end though, I got results. I had to fight for them.

Your son has nobody but you to fight for him. I know it's hard... no one can imagine how hard if you have never been thro it. I am not saying hospitalization is what yr son needs. But he needs something... make phone calls, research. Find options. One of the hardest things I ever did was make that first phone call to the police.

I hope this helps even a little and I wish and your family the best of luck. Never give up on your son. He needs you now more then ever, he doesn't know it, but you need to know it. Be strong for him, even if you can't for yrself right now. You can and will get thro this. If you have family or friends that you can lean on... LEAN! That's what the true ones are there for!

I hope the situation with your son is better. LearningAsIGo had some very good feedback. I'm sure you don't hate your son and you were just going through a really rough time when you posted this.

My oldest was very impulsive and it drained a lot of energy from my husband and I. We have other children and it got to the point that we feared for our oldest child and our other children. We took him to a counselor and also sought helped from a doctor. At times I felt so discouraged and I would feel so bad about myself thinking maybe I should be harder on him for his behavior. Since there were a lot of people who would judge my son and yell at me about him being all over the place.

At the age of 11 he was diagnosed with ADHD. The diagnosis was a relief for us since this now meant that the school was able to work for him, instead of pointing fingers at him. It hasn't been easy and some days are better than others. But it helps to have support from counselors and teachers who are aware of his situation and reassure the both of us that we are doing better.

Please have him screened. He may not be able to tell you why he feels they way he does because he doesn't understand it... just as much as you may not be able to understand it. As a family work through it and turn to God. HE will never give you anything you cannot handle.

Peace and Love!

Hi the OP has NOT returned since:
Mar 26, 2009, 02:20 PM

I believe this thread is dead.

Ditto, Sarah!

You need to get your son out of your house; He's going to get stronger and more violent as puberty come in to play. Like the USA you should be able to voluntarily sign your son over to a program/hospital of some type where they can work with him to find out the underlying cause of his behaviors. Even stronger; what happens if he hurts your smaller kids? Your younger kids are learning that violence and disobedience is OK, which it is not. Some thoughts for you while he's still in the house. Is he struggling with something? Is he trying to tell you in his own way something is wrong? Is he seeking attention? Negative attention is better then no attention because everyone is frustrated with him.