My 24-year old son is an alcoholic. Since he graduated from High School, I have been struggling with him to do something with his life. He dropped out of college, does not want to work, does not want to do anything, except drink, write music and watch sports. He is so angry at me because he says that I let my cousin, who was his live-in nanny, hit him all the time and I didn't do anything about. I worked long hours. I admit I made a mistake by ignoring the problem about them not getting along. My cousin did not hit him constantly. She is a good woman who sometimes took drastic measures because my son was always egging her. After so many years trying to have my son forgive me and having him at my house drinking and not working, I kicked him out because he stoled my credit cards since I refused to give him a ride to someone's friend. We were always fighting, he would always tell me that he was going to make me pay for everything I did and that it was my duty to support him because he was my son. He would always tell me that he didn't care about me. I have been worried sick. It's been a month since he has been gone and I logged into his web page. In that page, he describes the situation he is in and that he is homeless and in terrible health. I don't know what to do, should I look for him and ask him back. I just think that he will not change and will continue to keep on abusing me verbally and hating me. Am I a horrible mom because I don't go look for him and because I kicked him out knowing that he was going to be homeless. I am just so tired of dealing with his drinking and his anger. This is the second time I have done kicked him out but he just does not want to follow any rules. All his friends are gone, his father kicked him out also.

J_9

Unfortunately, it is our job as parents to let go. It may be hard and it may seem harsh, but there comes a day when we have to let go and let them make their choices.

If you ask him to come home, you will be enabling him.

Mom, take a deep breath, relax, and know that you did the right thing by your child. What he is doing now is making bad choices. Those choices are not yours to remedy or fix, they are his.

Yup, it is hard, but you must stand by your convictions. Let him make his choices and deal with the consequences on his own. It is the ONLY way that he will learn.

Foxy459459

Find your child and bring him home. I know this is going to be one of the hardest things in the world to do but he is still your son. And sooner or later is he going to put the past in the past. Dont let me think that you and the rest of the world has givin up on him. I know its called tuff love but if he is homeless and sick he needs his mother. You just have to keep your eyes more open then your heart. Tell him you want him to get help, and that you will support him every step of the way but you will NOT do it for him. He has to want to. Find him and bring him home...

Lowtax4eva

Sorry for the disagree, but bringing him home will only be saying to him that what he's doing is ok, kicking him out for a day wont do a thing. Dont let him move back in, find out where he is and go over every few days and say that your willing to take him to a treatment centre right then and there, if he wont go, try again another day.

Dont allow him to come back, the more times you do the more he will feel he can do whatver he wants and you'll just "calm down" eventually, he's already stealing credit cards (and cash too i would assume) to fuel his addiction, as it gets worse he will steal property to sell, there have been alot of cases like this on the A&E show intervention i mentionned above..

GlindaofOz

You need to do tough love. When my brother was younger he was a drug addict and an alcoholic. My mom kicked him out of the house and he was homeless and sick and still doing drugs. Somewhere around month two or three he straightened up and entered rehab and the on his last day my mom picked him up. He thanked her for not letting him back in the house he said he needed to hit rock bottom to rise up. That day my brother joined NA and has been clean and sober for over 10 years.

Sometimes you have to let them face their mistakes. Do not let your son emotionally blackmail you. He needs to stop all this anger and addiction until he does that you cannot have him in our life.

Tuscany

Please stay strong. You did the right thing. He needs to deal with his addiction and not have you as his scapegoat. There are organizations that can help you through this process. Alanon is a great for family of alcoholics to get together and discuss how their loved ones addiction effects the entire family.

GlindaofOz

Tuscany is right. If you ever feel like your will is fading go to an AA meeting. Ask those people if they would've wanted someone to scoop them up, I bet they are glad that someone let them drop so that they can get better.

Emland

He's homeless, but has access to the internet to upkeep his web page? He could be putting out the sob story for sympathy so he can mooch off other people.

At 24 years a man should be able to take care of himself. There are shelters and other places that will help him when he is ready to get clean and get himself together.

His sickness may only be withdrawal symptoms. Tuscany had a great suggestion. Alanon will give you the support you need to stay strong.