I am very worried about my daughter [she is 12]. She is TOTALLY changed in almost every way. Her clothes [all black] if she has her way, her appearance...her activities..EVERYTHING!!! She has a cousin who is more like a friend than anything...always has been. He is 14..and also acting VERY different..or for a better understanding to all the readers, " EMO". Im not totally sure what all that means completely...but all I know is that it isnt a "phase" anymore and Im really to the point that im actually scared. I have tried to talk to the boys mother [who I am very close too]. She doesnt seem to either think it is a big deal..or she just isnt able to do anything about it herself. I love her son and her very much..but I dont want my daughter to hang out with him anymore..or even associate with him at this point. Im not trying to blame him for all of this..but he is a big influence on her as she is about the only "friend" that he has. He isnt popular at school..unless being the "weird kid" is what he's opting for..and Im positive that this all started because of his relationship/friendship with my daughter. I dont like the clothes..the hair in the eyes..the FILTHY bedroom...the laziness, grades slipping...OH!!! lol..and the OBSESSION with Anime...it is beyond just a "phase" now...and I feel as if she is or has changed into a totally different person. Before this..it was all "girly" things..pretty clothes...nice hair etc..now its all "goth"..or "emo"....PLEASE HELP...any and all advice would be so helpful. Thank you...I would also like to add that yes, I have talked to my child..of course...set rules, offered bribes..begged, screamed, yelled..Ive done it all..she is completely changed...and it is scaring me alot.

N0help4u

Many times kids will take on the style, language and so forth of whatever the trend happens to be but they don't necessarily get into the whole culture and ways of the style.
I called myself a hippie wannabe cause I had the bell bottoms, the suede fringe jackets, the gauze beaded shirts etc....but I never got involved in the drugs, love-in's, etc....
just a couple sit in's and a peace rally. People still swear I must of been some hippie cause I still have the look somewhat.
My daughter was goth but she didn't get into the culture.
My other daughter acted like a prima dona and wanted to be treated like a princess
I had more problems with her than I did with my goth daughter.
As long as the EM0 is wearing a certain style but not getting into the cutting or emotional
drama it will pass when she finds herself. Encourage her to be her own style and hobbies even if it includes some EM0. I replied to one of the EM0's here that wanted to have their own style but still be EM0 to add a color to their black according to their mood.
Do like grammadidi said too and help her pick out clothes. If you can't go to the mall with her maybe order some on line catalogs of clothing for teens and go through them with her
and discuss what clothing you each like to see what styles you can agree on.

Forbidding her to see certain friends will only make her rebellious. That is what happened with my prima dona daughter. She was running around with slutty girls and I told her that
I didn't want her being with them. She started sneaking out in the middle of the night after I went to sleep to go to teen clubs.

123456789emo

wow thats gay that you'd do that to ur daughter. im 13, im emo. ya i never was a girly girl, i was just a girl. Then i changed to dark eyeliner, black clothes, screamo music emo music metal ect. just because your daughter is being something you dont want her to be get over it, its her life not yours.

Clough

I hope that lilli returns to view some of the comments to her original question. However, she hasn't so much as logged onto this site since April 12, 2007 at 01:05 A.M.

mandi797

Okay, first of all, it is becoming very popular among teenagers to become emo. Music, hair, and clothing should not be an issue. If she is dressing in all black, when she used to dress in y colors, this does not make her depressed. However, if you feel she is truly hurt and is cutting, tell her that whatever she is sad about is not as bad as it seems. Telling your daughter to ignore this friend is wrong, i believe. Have some faith in her, for goodness sake. He is obviously a good friend, and just because he is not the most popular kid in school doesn't mean he is a bad person. Just talk to your daughter, and do NOT yell, about what she is going through. It may be that she will talk to you right away, or shut you out at first, but she'll come around eventually. Tell her that you love her no matter what she decides to be.

animayxx3Freak

i luved anime before i turned emo and i still like it

advice: try understand her cuz im a teen too
and my reasons for being emo are not mentionable so therez no need to ask questions
if that dnt wrk ask her whats the matter and be understanding

IDontKnowMe

[quote=Letsgetitmovin]

EMO DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN:
That they self-harm or that they're suicidal
That they do drugs
That they just want trouble
The Emos that do cut themselves aren't always attention seekers.

[quote]

First of all, why is it you are so scared of her being this way?
If there are signs that she is cutting then i can understand your worry but otherwise it is nothing for you to get so worked up over.
just wearing black and acting differently are all part of her development as a person. she was never going to stay the same all through her teens, especially at the point were she is just getting into a secondary school.
It is something that i have personal experience of. i am 15 and i have been through the emo stage but i am growing out of it now and i am well aware that there is still a lot more change to come before i really discover what i actually like.
you just need to let your child get on with this part of her life. emos get a very bad reputation, dont jump to conclusions just because of a stereotype you think she might fit.

Hope this helped you understand her a bit, and if you do get signs that she is cutting then that is a whole other question to emo. in this case may i suggest the book 'Red Tears' by Joanna Kenrick, it might help you get a possible insight into any possible reasons for self harm.

ladyjas

I think that she is just a teenager. Let her be who she is now. And everyone knows that people change(especially during the teen years), and i do think this is something everyone goes through, buts its a way of life. i think you should just leave her be, but give her your concerns, or talk to the boy and tell him to loosing up and become a better influence. but if you force your daughter to not hangout with him, then your going to make her just be even more attach to her. Alot of people go "emo" but not everyone knows that "emo" is just a word. Alot of people think that once they are "emo" they do all sorts of horrible and hurtful things, but its not true. its all a image. I think your daughter sounds like a nice kid, and trying new things in life, and i just think that you cant stop her for trying to express herself in different ways. you should look pass her clothes and "emoness" and look at her Personality. talking really does help. and even if she does refuse you or thinks your lame, she knows you love her enough to talk things through. so good luck with your daughter, but i dont think she is in much trouble.i hope i help.