I am divorced, and I am engaged to be married. My fiance has a 6 year old daughter. I have a 5 year old daughter and a 6 year old son.

My children are and have been happily involved in various activities. My son is in baseball and football...my daughter is in her 3rd year of dance.

This year my son told me he would like to take tap dance as well, so I enrolled him. He loves it, even though he is in a beginner class with much younger little girls. His sister thinks it great that he goes with her, and of course she has shown interest in starting baseball next year. I have always encouraged them to explore different activities, because I know someday they will find their niche and tell me what they want, and don't want to do.

Last week my fiance's Ex wife called to say she is enrolling their daughter in Poms and Cheerleading and the class is on the night we usually have their daughter at our house.

So, this week we took her to her class, and my daughter discovered that 3 of her friends from school are in the class as well. Of course she was thrilled to see them, she loved the fact that they dance (her passion), and of course she loved the big sparkling poms. My daughter begged me to join the class, and her ss2be thought it was a great idea and even walked her over (with her arm around my daughter's waist) to the enrollment table. I think it made her feel cool and like a big sister to lead my daughter.

Both girls were excited about taking the class together, but when the EX found out...she was pi_ _ed! She said it was completely unacceptable and demanded that we not do it. She said she wants her daughter to have this all to herself. She insist that her daughter needs to have her own thing...just for her. She is actually threatning to pull her daughter out of the class or drive 30 minutes away to another location, if we don't drop out.

During her verbal blast of me on the phone, she stated, "any therapist will tell you that kids need seperate activities." Well, I have searched high and low and I can't find anything that directly relates to this issue....so I am asking for your feedback.

These kids love eachother, and I feel it would help to bond the girls if they share an interest/activity.

Chery

Sounds like a very sensible thing to do. Work it out your way and I wish you all the best. Sincerely, Chery

step2be

Jabe,

I just checked your profile....and I see you are the EX's sister.

So, not only is your response uninformed, it's also extremely biased.

By the way, during EX's divorce ..aren't you the woman that called up to my fiance's business and told his employees that he is a child molester?

How sick is that?

Ex, are you really this insecure? You have to have family members write hateful things for you? Does this make you feel better?

Grow up, and let it go...please!

Chery

Goodness! this is really getting bad. With a simple questions on whether children should share activities they enjoy together, this has wound up to be a mud-slinging round-about. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHILDREN???? I thought that they were the important issue here. Now it sounds like my initial impression of the Ex - jealousy, abusive, wanting war instead of peace was not really that wrong. What does 'daddy' think of all this,does he even know? Come on! please be growups and start caring about the children. If I were daddy, I'd get another job somewhere else and move the heck into another state - this will unfortunately continue unless a professional steps in before you do worse than just sling mud. Sorry this is happening, it hurts me and I don't even know any of you. There must have been love there once, or there would be no child to argue about in the first place. Please try and get back to the focal point in being good examples for the future of the country - the children! http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/images/icons/icon4.gif

jabe

Chery - There is so much information you don't have it not even funny.

"New Fiance" - I don't know what kind of family you grew up in but in my family loving your sister is not sick. By the way how can you be married and be a " fiance" ???? Talk about sick!! Why didn't you get advice on that? I don't think thats setting a very good example for you children much less my neice.
I still stand behind what I said it was simply the truth.I have a full load of mud I could have thrown out but decided to keep quiet.The simple fact is that if ry meant anything to you at all you would have tried to work something out but instead you are looking for validation for what you have done. Well here you go you have a whole page of advice from uninformed people. I hope you sleep well.

By the way I have a mind of my own and I don't need my sister to ask me to stand behind or write somthing on her behalf. You are the one who started this thread and I guess you only want advice from those who agree with you.
What a pity.

step2be

I don't know you.

You don't know me.

I am not married.

I guess you have me confused with your sister, REMEMBER she WAS married and had two little girls (your nieces) when she started dating, and living with my fiance'.

Leave me alone, stop lying, and grow up...both of you.

Chery

You are so right Jabe, IT'S NOT FUNNY. Just remember the children in all of this, that's all I ask. All of you are adults and responsible for yourselves, but who's going to be there for the kids. We differ from the animal world in many ways, all herds stick together and protect the younglings. Why can't humans learn a lesson from them. Oh well, life goes on - but at what cost? Sometimes I wonder if the human race is really as intelligent as it claims to be in the most rudimentary things in life.

jabe

I'm well aware of ALL 3 of my niece and who she was married to but we are only talking about 1 of them so try and remember that. You keep trying to antagonize me. Is your need to feel right so strong that you will ignore what I said about Ry? She is the issue here right? You wanted advice about kids activities Right? Its so easy its right under your cloud of hate you keep blowing out. Let HER have 45 minutes of alone time with her father. OH wait I guess you really are not that concerned since you won't go or encourage RT to go the counseling my sister has set up. I'm sure they could address your kids activities issue. You are a very selfish angry woman and I feel sorry for you but most importantly I feel sorry for Ry and if you could just take off your blinders and stop trying to be right and just ACT right She would be so much better off. Ry is my only concern in all of this and I would encourage you to respond to the attempt my sister is making to get you ALL some help in this disaster you have created.
Does any of it sink in???
Sadly probably not.

If you are divorced its recent and you have been living with RT for a year and since you brought it up you would think you would learn from her mistake and believe me RT was a BIG mistake. I hope for their sake he does better with your children than he did with my two older nieces.
Good luck.

s_cianci

Obviously your fiance's ex is a control freak and, unfortunately, is willing to use their daughter as a pawn. She is not concerned about her daughter's welfare or that of any other child ; she just cares about her own insecurity and hangups. Ignore her rantings and continue to encourage your children to pursue the activities which interest them. If your fiance's ex is jealous and pulls her daughter out of the dance class, that's unfortunate and something that you can't control. But don't let you and your fiance be made to feel guilty as though you'er doing anything wrong. Hopefully your fiance understands as well as you seem to that what's good and right for the kids should come first.

becky92029

Step2be, Hi!
How sweet these two girls... and what a great mom you sound! Hats off!
Question: What does your finace say about all this? Is he the type to stand back and make you deal with his ex-wife? She shouldn't be allowed to dictate what you do when his daughter is with you two. I would run like heck if he won't stand up like a man and deal with her because you and your kids don't need this. It wouldn't matter how handsome, rich or good he was in bed; at the end of the day, you might get a man you won't respect. You could be setting your own children up for another divorce and heartbreak once they start to fall in love with their "new" daddy and sister and this other little girl bonds with you and yours. Just my 2 cents.
Becky

Chery

to Becky - dear, I've tried it all and this mud-slinging will probably not stop. My feeling on this is that the adults want to prove who's best and the kids are only a scapegoat in this case. Bless you for trying. You'll find others who need help here that don't wear blinders. Welcome to the 'family'.