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chasesmom4evr · Nov 25, 2007, 06:48 PM

I have been divorced for approximately 9 years and have a 15 year old son. My relationship with his father was that of both verbal and physical abuse, and when er got divorced the father continually threatened that he would do anything he could to take my son away from me. He contiuously persuades my my son with fancy trips and money on the weekends that my son is with me. My son has begun to show direspectful behavior toward me with harsh words and vulgar language. Anytime I say"no" to my son, this behavior comes out and his father tells him that I am "pushing him out the door', and claims that he doesnt want our son 100% of the time> My son says he has more "fun" there and would rather be there so we do not argue. I have explained to my son that the answer is not to go to his fathers but to work out our differences. Should I allow him to go to his fathers or continue to be strong, persistent and set guidelines in my own home? I lived with an abusive husband and got out of the relationship, and I refuse to live that way again with my son.

Heartbroken but still strong

Gabrielle Jaffe

Fr_Chuck · Nov 25, 2007, 07:07 PM

Who has the actual custody of the boy ? And who is getting the boy on visitation?

If you have the full custody and he is using vulgar language, pusnish him, ground him and do what it takes to make him grow up as a proper young man. Set your rules and make them work,

If you have to take the ex back to court time and time again, do it.

grandmamatiny · Nov 25, 2007, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by chasesmom4evr

I have been divorced for approximately 9 years and have a 15 year old son. my relationship with his father was that of both verbal and physical abuse, and when er got divorced the father continually threatened that he would do anything he could to take my son away from me. He contiuously persuades my my son with fancy trips and money on the weekends that my son is with me. My son has begun to show direspectful behavior toward me with harsh words and vulgar language. Anytime I say"no" to my son, this behavior comes out and his father tells him that I am "pushing him out the door', and claims that he doesnt want our son 100% of the time> My son says he has more "fun" there and would rather be there so we do not argue. I have explained to my son that the answer is not to go to his fathers but to work out our differences. Should I allow him to go to his fathers or continue to be strong, persistent and set guidelines in my own home? I lived with an abusive husband and got out of the relationship, and I refuse to live that way agin with my son.

Heartbroken but still strong

Gabrielle Jaffe

Please use reverse psychology-Trust me it works. Have a talk with both the father and son and tell them that you feel its time for the son to live with the father. Even if the father takes him for a short while, it will not work. Give yourself a break.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 25, 2007, 07:44 PM

Send the boy to his father and see how long the "wonderful dad" thing goes on.
The next time he shows his behind with you, call dad and have him come and get him. This will let both of them know you are not a doormat.

grandmamatiny · Nov 25, 2007, 07:55 PM

Great Answer

malic · Nov 28, 2007, 09:37 PM

Have you told your son just how much his father hurt you? My parents have been divorced for about the sametime and I'm 17 boy. My parents did fight but they just never let me see it. So when I wanted to go see my dad and my mom wouldn't let me I got really pissy. But that's only because I never knew why they divorced in the first place. If you haven't, you should also tell him how much he is hurting you.

And also he's a 15 yearold boy, "direspectful behavior" is what we do. I'm not saying it OK (my mom didn't think so) but most of the time that's just how it is. You shouldn't let him run wild or anything but its normal at his age. We start to meet older people, can get rides from people that drive, get more into the social side of life, do work later fun now, etc. that kind of thing. You might be saying to yourself "well he dosen't have any older friends", but I know I had/have a ton of friends my mom doesn't know about. Let him know you love him and that you want him to be there with you.