I am a single mom and my daughter is 12 years old and is already "well developed". Everyone from the town I live in (small town of around 400 people) comment on how tall and womanly she looks! She has had her period for about 4 months now. She is talking about boys more and more and I know I am biased but... she is a cutey!

My question is... how soon should I let her wear make-up? She wants to wear make-up now! This summer we had a family wedding and I put a little powder on her face and a little mascara. I don't like the idea of lipstick, eyeliner or eyeshadow but she thinks she can wear this stuff because other girls in her class where make-up to school daily.

HELP!!

First, she has to understand that you are the boss and you set the limits. Then you have to understand that if you set onerous limits, she will go behind your back.

Now the question is how much do other girls her age wear. Do you take her to school? Have you seen what is going on? If most of the girls are wearing makeup, then I would suggest giving in, but teach her how to apply makeup tastefully. If only a few girls are doing it, then suggest to her, that is a little too soon in your opinion and set an age limit (somewhere between 13 and 14) as to when she can start.

One very important thing when dealing with a child is be careful to pick your battles. Some battles are not worth fighting others you have to win.

I do not drop her off at school. A friend of mine does. I have been to school functions and see that these other girls are wearing make-up and some even dressing "sleezy". These girls wear foundation, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, lipstick... (basically "the works"). I know some of the girls have a reputation and I know that this school has a bad rep (for a good reason!) Drugs and young girls having sex is a problem at this school. There are two schools in this town and one is public and one is a catholic school. The catholic school also has a reputation but they are more strict with what and how much make-up kids wear. I've thought about sending her to the catholic school as we are catholics but... I do not have the money to send her to the catholic school.

There is a youth group that gets together once a month and talks to a gal from my town. This lady has kids that use to go to school at this school but they are all grown. She is a friend of mine and she told me in confidence that kids in this school are having sex as early as 13 years old. I do my best to protect my daughter as much as possible yet... it is very SCARY! I do not let her get together with friends when they go watch a movie at a friends house when the parents are not there.

I don't want boys to get the wrong idea about my daughter! She is a very sweet little girl and she does listen to me! I let her do as much as I feel comfortable with letting her do!

P.S. It is not an option for me to move!

You didn't quite answer my question. I didn't ask how much makeup the girls who use it use. I asked how many girls are using makeup. Given the smallness of the town, I wouldn't imagine there are more that a couple of dozen girls in your daughter's age group. So lets say only 8 of them wear makeup. That means most of the girls don't. And you can stick to your guns. However, if it's the reverse, then you really don't have a lot of options.

Fitting in and peer pressure is HUGE at that age. If you force her to stand out, she will either go behind your back or greatly resent you. Like I said pick your battles. I would much rather let my daughter wear tasteful makeup and fit in, then have her imitate the "bad" girls. It is EXTREMELY important that you keep the lines of communication open with her. Winning this battle but losing that war, is not the way to go about it.

I also agree, that, at her age, she goes nowhere with a mixed group where she isn't chaperoned.

I appreciate your words of "wisdom" ScottGem!

Thank you!

My daughter is just about to turn 13 in November. She has asked to wear make up, but I told her it could give her pimples!! :eek:

So I let her put on a very, very light shade of tan or beige eyeshadow if she would like, of course I get to tell her if it is just right or too much. But once she heard about ZITS she changed her mind!!

Just a thought.

man. Thrilled mine is now 20 and on her own-ish (college student). Boy... those preteen, teen fights over makeup and clothing... =P

I agree on the point about teaching her how to do it tastefully. Shell still go her own way more and more, but you just have to pick your battles.

and keep the faith. That awful blue eyeshadow she sneaks on when she's at her friends in 9th grade, well, in time shell ditch that too. In hindsight, the craziness kept things interesting at least.

once there are big school dances like homecoming, prom, etc... there's just no going back. I know yours is a couple years away from that, but it comes up fast.

Thank you J 9 and kp2171!

She already has zits! She started getting them approx 1 1/2 years ago at least! I buy her a face wash which I try to get her to put on every night!

I talked to her about it again last night and she said that she only wants to wear make-up to school functions or special occasions. She said that 2 of the girls in her class were called clowns yesterday because the "boys" in her grade and grade above her thought these 2 girls were wearing too much make-up! She said that she doesn't want to get made fun of! I told her that it will be a while before I'd let her wear anything other than mascara, powder and a lip gloss!

I explained the phrase "Less is more"!!

It's important to remember that there is make-up, and then there's make-up... There is a difference between what a woman might use to conceal a blemish or look polished (make-up one would use, during the day, while at work), and what she might use to look elegant or exotic or "dressed-up" (make-up one would use when going out for an evening of adult pursuits).

Blush, lip gloss, etc. might be fine during the day, for work, and might make a young girl feel more confident or "grown up", or equal to her peers. Not much potential for harm there - in fact, there's a lot to be said for a gradual progress towards adult-like things.

But, really, it's somewhat inappropriate for a girl of that age to wear mascara, lipliner, etc. to a school setting. A schoolgirl should seek to emulate her teacher, in determining what is appropriate attire and make-up for school.

I agree there is definitely a difference. I let our 12 year old wear a little glitter, lip gloss and nail polish. My husband would probably prefer none, but I want to give her a little freedom. I don't think that would hurt. It makes her happy and it makes me happy. We both win... for now.

If you ask me, I'd say that she is just the right age to learn it's what's inside that counts. Tell her inner beauty comes within you, not what is on you.

As a father I forbade my daughter to wear any make-up or dress inappropriate for school (and anywhere else for that matter) That's when the wife pulls rank and tells me get a life.(Yes Dear) I tend to take the coward way out and let my wife deal with those types of issues.

OK well she should be able to wear makeup I have been wearing makeup since I was like her age. I'm 16 now. But guys obviously probably notice her because you said she's... well developed. But if you hold your kid back from wearing make up and guys she will end up growing farther apart from you more and more. I mean that's how I was I used to be close to my mother until she held me from hangin with me friends and basically everything. And now we barly talk. But just make sure then guys are good kids and u'll be fine

I loose track of what 12 year old is really doing in school, why not talk to the teacher at school and see if "all the girls" are really doing it or not.

It could be that 3 of the wilder girls are, and to her that is "all" the girls,

And lastly who cares if she is the only one not doing it also,
People are having and allowing young girls grow up way to fast. I am not blaming makeup for all the ills of the world, but add sexy clothes, add early dating and you add up a lot quick

Hellomy names Nicole and I'm only 17 but I was never able to wear make-up till I was a freshmen and I hated it.. I felt that as a 13 yr old girl I should be able to wear it.. I think that you should at leats let her wear it by the age 13 at least.. I just know how it feels to want to do things your friends do.I mean aslong as she doesn't cake it on you know.. and if she does tell her to lighten it up a little.. well I hope I could help.comment back if you like..

Just an idea, our church group had the Avon lady come and do a presentation for our girls, age 5th grade to 7th. She did skin care and then make-up and they all got to try on make-up. They loved it. Sometimes it is better if the guidelines and tips come from an expert that isn't "mom" --- then maybe they will listen on how much is enough and what is too much and what good taste is for their age... It was a great experience. I know Mary Kay ladies will do it, too. Each girl received a set of skin care products, compliments of the church. That was very nice.

Well I think that you should let her makeup,I am 12 and my mom lets me wear some makeup like lipgloss ,chapstick ,nailpolish but that doesn't mean that she wants to be an adult that means she wants to be more independent.

I think she should be 15 years old for make-up. Now lipgloss, nailpolish, would be fine. My daughter is also well developed when she was 12. She also like the low cut tops to show it off. We sat down and talked about it and we compromised on everything. She is 17 now and she has turned into a well respected young woman. Now she wears a sweatshirt to keep the starring at her all the time. Give it time I will pass. Just sit down and talk it out, and a little compromise goes a long way.

Personally I think you should let your daughter wear it. I meen, make up isn't anything bad. If you show her how to apply it properly and not the "sleezy" way the other girls at her school do it. Then I don think you should have a problem. Even if you show her how to apply it so it looks natural she could still be wearing eyeliner mascarra eyeshawdow and blush. All the stuff she wants to be wearing but you don't want her too at a young age.

Dear sister
I had read your mess in this stage you should love your child like friend share all with your daughter as soon as you watch her activity and every thing in dressing and meke up is not a matter because you are living in town so care your daughter like hen OK all the best