Hi, my daughter is 15. She is 95% on the greatest side of teen girls.
She is becoming agressive and violence with me, over the past 6 months, she punched me in the arm, has pushed me and last night, she grabbed me by the arm and dug her fingernails in my arm, I have 3 marks to prove it.
Last week, I was on the computer and got up to do something, turned around and she was getting on her email, I told her to get off, I was in the middle of working on something for work, she just ignored me, I told her again, and I tugged on her hair, I did not grab a handfull of hair, a hair brush would have pulled much harder, She turned around and pushed me, and then we started yelling and she started pushing and hitting, I told her I was calling the police, she said "go ahead, but you have to take me to work", I sent her to her room and called the police. I did not want to, but I said I was going to and she didn't think I would do it.
The sheriff came and obviously didn't scare her bad enough to make a huge impact. I was raised in the 60's and parents hit thier kids quit frequently. My dad was extremely explosive, he hit me a lot, the teachers at school finally questioned the situation.
So, I decided when my boys were young, this violence stops with me. We do not hit!
I am the proud mother of two wonderful and successful men, who never, ever would have put a finger on me. But, I am not succeeding with my daughter. If she bumps into me in the kitchen, she will turn around and say I pushed her.
Last night I was on the phone calling in for american idol, but since her little incident last week, she can only watch TV, when we (her parents) are watching something, but as I was trying to dial the phone, she decided I didn't know how to use the phone and she wanted to do it, so as I was dialing, she tryed to grab the phone from me, in the process of her grabbing the phone, she was poked by my fingernail, she turned around and grabbed me by the arm and dug her fingernails into my arm as she grabbed me.
I was so angry, I looked at her and said "you get away from me right now, get out of my sight, I can't believe you think it is ok for you to grab me by the arm and hurt me, get in your room and get out of my sight"
She acted shocked and said "you scratched me first", she said to her dad," she just freaks out about nothing! I was furious. Should I call the police this morning and file a complaint? I don't want anything to get out of hand. I don't want her to start down this road, i am scared for her. She is showing violent behavior, and she is responding to things, by hitting and pushing and now scratching. She is reacting, without thinking, this is not good. open for all opinions.
Thanks,
Just wanted to clarify, apparently I didn't communicate what I was looking for when I got some of the remarks back from some folks.
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Don't "tug" on her hair - wrong move there, sorry. Only use your voice in the future to "get her off the computer". Right now she's rather touchy and just a teenager. You seem to be escalating things by wanting to involve the police at the drop of a hat. Doing that just may backfire on you in the future if they are called. They could side with her and not you depending on the circumstances and injuries. What does your husband do or say about her behavior? It just can't be you doing all the disciplining here, sorry. He's got to have a say in this as well and also a role as a parent. You can't just do everything.
Do you love her? Can you try telling her one thing you appreciate about her each day? If you show her the love and attention she desperately needs, her attitude may change. Another thing that works is controlling your anger before talking/ disciplining. Kids react to what they receive. If they are getting anger and frustration toward them, they will fling right back.
Wow, that is unexceptable behavior from someone her age but it's kind of hard to gauge the situation without a little more info...i.e. When did this behavior start? How/Is her father involved in this situation? What/Did anything change with you after you'd finished raising the well behaved sons and they were no longer in the home?
Do you have a video camera? Perhaps you could stow it somewhere hidden and then show her how insane she is acting. And if it gets really bad, you could take the video to the police.
Michele based on the responses you've given to these people trying to help you, I'd guess you're a real peach to live with. If you can lash out so quickly and pointlessly in the middle of a MATURE discussion, I see now how you must be when talking to someone who is immature.
You're not going to listen to advice that may work, because it will involve you working harder, and I bet that's not what you're looking for.
Sometimes in life we think that we are beyond the experiences of the past, but I think in your situation it is clear that you are not. Abuse in the past, whether suppressed or not is part of your make up. I will tell you from what you wrote, I'm almost certain that she has adopted some of the behavior from your past. What would ever prompt you to call the police on your own child?
I don't think my entire answer was posted. Communication is key here and it's clear that you don't have it with her. Start there, sit her down and start from scratch you owe it to her at this point to teach her the right way to behave. Tugging on her hair is probably not the first offense, it's wrong and she simple was reacting to your action. but my advice was to lead by example, take an anger management course WITH HER. next time you bump into her in the kitchen apologize and move on, Good luck
michelemediapro;
As you are learning there are PLENTY of people on this website who believe their opinion is the ONLY correct thing to do and they LIVE to tell you how wrong you are in every aspect in your life and how it's all your fault. And they think all children are innocent (I guess even the ones that kill other children).
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