Ask Me Help Desk - Dads girlfriend acuses me of stealing her things!

My dad and his girlfriend have been together for about a year now. She moved in with us pretty quickly before we got to know her, but I thought she was nice. About 2 months after she moved in we would be open about our things, we'd share everything and sometimes wouldn't even ask (herself included would take my makeup hair straighteners etc). She soon started to change and get overly jealous of mine and my fathers relationship, interrupting me when I spoke to him, coming in between us when we were walking next to each other. I thought nothing of it until I heard her arguing with my dad about how I do no cleaning in the house, I get up at 7am for school and don't get home till 8.30 some nights, and I work on weekends till 10pm. My dad of course defended me but she continued to complain and call me lazy and "no good". This really hurt me and I grew apart from her setting boundaries with my things and so did she. A few days later she started to complain to my dad that things had been "going missing" and she even claimed to find things of hers in my room (I assure you she did not I have never stolen in my life and would never steal nail varnish and a run out mascara). My dad asked me of course and when I denied it he believed me instantly.

Just after this her and my dad went on a night out and they had an argument while out (because my dad said he'd never put her before his kids) she came home and woke me up (around 2am) saying "I think we need to talk you theif" and started accusing me of stealing money out of her purse. She said "money would be in my purse and when you came home I checked and it was gone" now bear in mind I work, alongside getting money from my mum every month, so why would I need to steal money? She was drunk and started pushing me calling me a liar and saying I have stolen from her since she moved in.

My dad came home and told her she should stay in her mums, I went back asleep but when I woke up she was in the bed with him. I don't know what to do because I am so hurt that he took her side and hasn't even mentioned it since, he's pretending nothing happened. She's put a lock on her bedroom door and keeps making remarks like "put that away Caitlin might come round and it'll disappear" I feel worthless in my own home and need advice. What should I do?

Have you told your dad how you feel about this? It sounds like he trust you, and believes in you. It also sounds (from what you've told us, and I do realize there are always two sides to every story, and I'm sure your dad's girlfriend has her side as well) like she's jealous of you, that she's mad that your dad will always put his kids first, which is how it should be.

She sounds very immature.

Talk to your dad, tell him what she's been saying, and how it's making you feel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

Have you told your dad how you feel about this? It sounds like he trust you, and believes in you. It also sounds (from what you've told us, and I do realize there are always two sides to every story, and I'm sure your dad's girlfriend has her side as well) like she's jealous of you, that she's mad that your dad will always put his kids first, which is how it should be.

She sounds very immature.

Talk to your dad, tell him what she's been saying, and how it's making you feel.

Hi, she does say these things in front of my dad and he just shrugs it off as though its nothing. I did tell him it hurt me and he said I'd understand once I was in love. It annoys me so much

How old are you? Why are you with your dad and not your mom? Any chance of going to live with your mom?

Don't be upset, no matter what she says you still have a big advantage in the long run, and love or no, if she is too unreasonable or devisive, your dad will tire of it. All you have to do is be cool and watch your back, or better try talking to her. Seems things were great until she moved in and now he can see the true colors of this drunk liar. Have faith he will deal with this the right way in time.

I'm glad he didn't make her drive drunk, but when he has had enough crap in his house and nothing changes for the better, he will take action. Be patient, and let him do what he has too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

How old are you? Why are you with your dad and not your mom? Any chance of going to live with your mom?

I'm 17 but due to problems with my mom and her state and relationship with me I can't live with her, she walked out on me and my dad when I was 9 and I have had little or no contact with her throughout my life, she pays me money every month because she needs to (court requirment) but that's a different subject

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't be upset, no matter what she says you still have a big advantage in the long run, and love or no, if she is too unreasonable or devisive, your dad will tire of it. All you have to do is be cool and watch your back, or better try talking to her. Seems things were great until she moved in and now he can see the true colors of this drunk liar. Have faith he will deal with this the right way in time.

I'm glad he didn't make her drive drunk, but when he has had enough crap in his house and nothing changes for the better, he will take action. Be patient, and let him do what he has too.

Thank you, you seem to know what you're talking about and understand my dillema. I hope he'll sort it out soon as I'm just sick and tired of her acting like a child and getting away with it, I may be younger but I'm certainly more mature and don't make up crazy stories for attention!

She sounds very jealous, and selfish to me.

It is because of the person you are, that causes her jealousy. You've been with your father a lot longer than she has, and she can clearly see the good relationship the two of you have together. That is a bond that she seems to have set out to break.

Divide and conquer. A common tactic for an insecure person. If she can distance you and your father, she will become more important in his life, and you will become less important.

The best way to handle this bully, is to never, ever, ever, take the bait. Her getting any reaction from you, bolsters her 'case' against you, and she inches her way along to total dominance over your father.

When she talks, yells, gets in your face- turn and walk away. Make sure YOUR things are locked up- but do not answer to her for this.

For every nasty deed she inflicts on you, offer twice as much sugar. If she says you are lazy, let your dad come home to find you cleaning the fridge, or making a meal. Do things without being asked, and behave as you always have with your father. Try to avoid situations where she complains to your dad about you not getting your laundry done, by making sure your laundry is done.

The more you do by your actions, will be the fuel that will blow up her plan to dominate the household.

Your father may be in more trouble than he thinks with this woman. It doesn't sound like a very loving relationship, if she attacks his children! But, you will never be the one to sever that connection.

I think if you give her enough rope, she'll hang herself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

She sounds very jealous, and selfish to me.

It is because of the person you are, that causes her jealousy. You've been with your father a lot longer than she has, and she can clearly see the good relationship the two of you have together. That is a bond that she seems to have set out to break.

Divide and conquer. A common tactic for an insecure person. If she can distance you and your father, she will become more important in his life, and you will become less important.

The best way to handle this bully, is to never, ever, ever, take the bait. Her getting any reaction from you, bolsters her 'case' against you, and she inches her way along to total dominance over your father.

When she talks, yells, gets in your face- turn and walk away. Make sure YOUR things are locked up- but do not answer to her for this.

For every nasty deed she inflicts on you, offer twice as much sugar. If she says you are lazy, let your dad come home to find you cleaning the fridge, or making a meal. Do things without being asked, and behave as you always have with your father. Try to avoid situations where she complains to your dad about you not getting your laundry done, by making sure your laundry is done.

The more you do by your actions, will be the fuel that will blow up her plan to dominate the household.

Your father may be in more trouble than he thinks with this woman. It doesn't sound like a very loving relationship, if she attacks his children! But, you will never be the one to sever that connection.

I think if you give her enough rope, she'll hang herself.

Really didn't think of it from this point of view! Definitely what I'm going to do, I hope hek"l see her for her true self! And I'll take your advice 100%!