It has been almost 10 years since my ex husband gave up his parental rights to our daughter. He was in the military and after I moved back home with my daughter, he never saw her. When I got remarried, my ex thought it would be a good idea for m new husband to adopt our daughter. So, my husband did just that. I believe that my husband's wife and children were a large contributing factor in the decision. It has been a rough road and my daughter clearly has issues with not being wanted by her dad. She never formed a bond with her adoptive father (who I'm separating from). She has NO positive male influence.

Now, my ex husband has located us and contacted me. He would like to be a part of our daughter's life. He said that he has never forgotten her and that his family gets a cake on her birthday every year. He also retired from the military on her birthdate. He lives in Alabama and we live in Tennessee. He is still married to the same wife (who my daughter hated from when I took her for visits before moving home) and has three boys.

I'm concerned about his intentions. Men don't have a maternal bond. He hasn't seen her since she was 3 and she's now 12. He indicated that he and his wife wished for a girl and never had one. He has been trying to locate us to find out about our daughter.

I do not know what to think. Is he sincere? Is he trying to get to me and using this as an excuse? If he has a big, happy family, why is he bothering to find us? What could he possibly hope to gain? We had a hard divorce and he did not want it. What if he finds out where we live? Could he be a psycho? These are ideas the people around me are putting into my head.

All I know is that our daughter yearns for a father. My current husband is like a bachelor that lives in our house and neglects his responsibilities. I have found little notes our daughter has written to no one in particular and hidden in books describing how she wanted me and her father to get back together and be a family. That cannot be a reality, but she actually could have some sort of relationship with him if I allow it.

I'm torn, stressed out and really do not know how to proceed. I need some advice from people who do not know me. Has anyone expreienced this? Please tell me what you think.

Men change, they find the importance of children, of duty, of family. He may have found religion of one faith or another where family is important. Men do change and find that need to make things right.

I agree with Fr_chuck, people can change.
However, I'd proceed with caution if it were me.
You should be thoroughly involved with your daughter and her fathers relationship while taking baby steps until everyone feels comfortable
And they have been fully reacquainted.
Sometimes situations like this can back fire and a child is left with unfulfilled expectations (I speak from personal experience).
So, my advise is to take it slow so that your daughter does not get let down if he's not everything she expected him to be.