My 13 year old son was found navigating hardcore pornsites in the net.On questioning,he broke down and is feeling thoroughly ashamed about it.I want to give him some good counselling regarding the ill effects of watching porn in the net.
Can someone help me with some sound advice?

fredg

Hi,
Your son has made a good first step; not watching porn, but feeling guilty about it and telling you about it.
Here is a link:
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows..._menpoll.jhtml
You might tell your son to look at the above link by Oprah Winfrey, which is a survey. It might convince him that this is a National Problem, and is causing problems with marriages and with boyfriends and girlfriends.
Watching porn can also become addictive....just like any other addiction. Those types of persons even print out porn pictures, carry them around school, showing them to others!
Another study, announced on National Network TV news, shows that watching porn can actually lessen the sex act with a spouse, because one's perception of sex is heightened so much, that they feel "let down" when actually having sex. But, a 13 yr old might not understand that just yet.
You are definitely doing the right thing in talking with him about it, and I am sure some others will be along and give you some suggestions about what to say to him. I do wish you the best, and just keep talking with him, and encouraging him to stay away from it. It's all over the web now, and even doing a search on google.com, or other search sites, for anything, can even show links to porn sites!

ScottGem

I would be more inclined to discuss WHY he was looking with him. It is perfectly natural for a 13 year old boy to be curious about sexual issues. I suspect his feelings of shame have more to do with the attitude you displayed upon catching him, then shame at looking.

Personally, I think you get farther with positives then with negatives. If you take the approach that he is being bad, that porn is bad for you, etc., you risk putting a stigma on sex itself. You also create a forbidden fruit mystique about it that is likely to heighten his interest and just make him more careful about getting caught.

My approach would be find out out why he went looking. What he says to you will help you figure out how to deal with it. I would explain that sexual intimacy can be a beautiful thing when shared in private with someone you care deeply about. But that porn takes the intimacy and caring out of it. That it cheapens and exploits.

I agree that porn can be addictive to certain people. On the other hand, the US has shown itself to much more puritanical when it comes to sex then other parts of the world. Taboos about nudity, porn etc. are much more relaxed in Europe and South America. The negative effects don't seem to be as great in those areas.

talaniman

My children are grown and we never had a computer when they were growing up but as my grands come to visit and neices and nephews I had to learn how to lock out certain sites.This applies to cable also.

nwsflash

Its perfectly natural for a 13 year old boy to be curious about sexual issues, you may find that he has started to get to that stage where his body is starting to change and he is having feelings that he may never of had in his life before (he may even be confused)... Have you spoken to him yourself about the changes that he will be going over as he becomes a young adult, and the changes that will be taking place to his body..

Most boys at his age will be hearing lots of diffrent tails from web blogs to forums to even his friends telling him stuff, its not dirty what your son has done, he is just been very curious as all boys do.