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i need help i cant love my middle son, i have tried but all i see is the pain that his father put me through, he was born at 26 weeks and has had lots of medical problems, he is now 8 nearly nine, but no matter how hard i try i can not love him he has query ADHD his behaviour is very bad i cant cope with him anymore, please does anyone know anything that i can try ?
This is a hard concept to believe and to doubt the love you have for your own son that you created, regardless of what his father put you through that should make you love him so much more.
I hope that for the future of your son and his mental status you learn to accept him for who he is and where he came from and look past all the hate and see a wonderful little boy probely dieing from wanting attention and affection from his mother.
The gift of a child is very precious and should be treated as so.
This little boy has done nothing to make you have these thoughts.
If you dont think you love him imagine what life would be like if you lost him.
Parents lose children everyday from health issues and accidents be greatful that you have a son because there are many people out there who wish everynight to have the love of a child but cant.
its not being to harsh i have two children myself one having ADHD and i dont love him anyless then i do my other child.
If she has these negative feelings her son will sense them and it can lower his self esteem and he will always think hes never gonna be good enough for her which can cause other problems.
I personally am not in favour of medication kids for behaviour problems.
I take it you are no longer with his father?
I have a young grandson living with me because his mother hurt him when he was very young. She and my son divorced, and she couldn't take care of the baby properly and refused help from anyone. My son got custody and asked me to take care of the boy. I only tell you this so that you know that I have had experience with a mother's failure to find love for her child.
How do you feel about your other children? What are their ages and do they have the same father? Answer only what you are comfortable with. I am just trying to build up a picture of your situation. I would like to try to help. So if you are comfortable about giving me some more information, please do so.
I am not lecturing her I am not a doctor or GOD so i have no say so in the matter i just think she should know how lucky she is that she has been givin this angel.
I understand how hard it can be handling ADHD but its something you have to look past ifs shes blaming it on his father then its not his fault .
She needs to get some counseling to figure out the real reason and understand that at his age he could be scared forever by this. Especially if shes favoring the other two kids more then him.
I read crystalbivens, I would have said the exact same thing. It is not harsh at all but right on the money. No lecture, just the truth. This poster needs a reality check. Not to love a child because of the father is a series problem. Love should be unconditional to a child. If you do not have that, then this person is not being much of a parent as far as I am concerned.
Wow! The question?/statement made by tazgirl is harsh --if anything is. I cannot fathom having such feelings for one of my kids. Especially based upon my feeling about their father.
So the kid is ADHD--guess what? That's not some rare incurable disease. It's a chemical imbalance that the majority of kids outgrow. Yes, some kids need medication to settle them down enough to be able to maintain their concentration and do their school work. My son is one of those kids. He's definitely a handful at times, I never give him his pill on weekends or holidays, it's okay for him to be less focused and to burn off the energy his own way. And there are times he's so hyper that I think I should be the one taking the meds! LOL! But to blame him---or his father for MY lack of feeling for him? No Way!
The kid is almost 9. How long have you 'felt' this way toward him? Do you not believe that it's possible that you treat him differently and he acts out more because of it? Kids aren't stupid--they are much more perceptive than they get credit for being. I'm sure that your ill will towards his father is probably well known by the child too. Which would only add to his behavior.
Grow up! Get some counseling. Quit blaming the kid. Ultimately, you are the one who helps to 'shape' him into what he will become as a young man, as an adult and as a parent. Do you want him to feel that way towards one or all of his children?
There are parents who fail to bond with their children. Their are parents who struggle to love difficult children. That mother needs help with her problem not blamed for it.
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