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melzanie · Feb 19, 2009, 01:36 PM

I am currently in a relationship with this man and he has 2 kids with 2 mommas. That isn't the problem though the promblem is his daughters mom. Me and him have been together for 7 months now and she has been nothing but trouble since I met her. She is currently homeless and jobless and never see's her daughter more than once a week no longer than 3 to 4 hours. She calls and tries to hang out with my boyfriend more than her daughter. She was the one that dumped him and now she is trying to get back with him none stop. This causes fights and him talking trash about her. I try and hide this from his daughter since I grew up with parents that hated each other. She says I am taking her place and she should be doing all the stuff I am doing. But I don't think I'm doing anything wrong I take care of her because she needs a mothers touch someone to love her and take care of her when her mom isn't around. I don't want to take her mothers place never would I want to in fact I want her to see her child more but still how do I deal with this baby momma dramah? She even tricked him one time into saying that she wanted to see kiley but wanted him to come to because she could only see her for a little while, but the whole time she talked about how she missed him and wanted to be with instead of seeing and playing with her daughter. This is stressing me out so much I don't know what to do any advice?:confused:

HighandDryinnNy · Feb 19, 2009, 02:18 PM

Advice: don't get pregnant by him

IDontKnowCars · Feb 19, 2009, 02:34 PM

You are right, a child needs a loving touch and someone to be there for them, someone they can trust. If you trust this guy, let this lady keep trying she will get nowhere if he truly loves you. I think trust is really important in a relationship. I know it will not be easy to keep seeing her and her games. She sounds very immature, no she must be very immature, and she will find someone new to play her games with. You are the bigger person. Your heart is in the right place, the child.

Can this lady be trusted alone with the child? If so, the next time she supposedly wants to see her child why don't you, not your boyfriend, take the child to a McDonalds or some public place and drop the child off to her and ask what time you should pick the child up. If that is not possible, when she comes to your house to see the child maybe your boyfriend should leave before she gets there.

I wish you luck. It sounds like you have a long road ahead of you.

artlady · Feb 19, 2009, 02:45 PM

You can't let her get into your head.

Set up strict visitation times and if need be you be the one at home while the daddy is gone from the scene.Or ,if at all possible set up visitation at a neutral place.Grandparents or friends.

He does not need to be there is the bottom line.

Your boyfriend also has to put his foot down and make sure he is doing nothing to encourage her come on's. He may be flattered but he needs to act in the best interest of you ,him and the child.

jillrenee15 · Feb 19, 2009, 05:59 PM

Who has custody of this child, and what is the court ordered visitation, if any? Go by that. Stick to it. Do NOT deviate from it. If your boyfriend has custody, she has her time every week, this day at this time. That's it. PERIOD. If he does not have custody, he should file for it immediately. If she is homeless, jobless, etc, he has a good chance, at least temporarily. What are the chances she will take this child just to be vindictive? All of these things need to be thought about. Make a plan of action with your BF about how these visitations are going to go and what you are and are not comfortable with. Also, do not get pg!

heavenlyhope08 · Feb 20, 2009, 08:32 PM

Iwas dateing this girl that had a baby after I put my name on his birth cen. And then she tells me I am not the dad.they are takeing money from me and I don't see him and don't want to pay for him or see him what can I do to take my name off there so I can rise my kids I know are mine

DoulaLC · Feb 22, 2009, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by melzanie

this is stressing me out so much i dont know what to do any advice?:confused:

Be loving and caring to the child, but be aware that this situation won't end until either your boyfriend speaks up and/or this girl gets a new guy in her life. The reality is, when you get together with someone who has kids with other people, odds are going to be great that you will have to be involved with them in some way. Sometimes it all works out well and people will put the welfare of the kids first... sadly, very often it doesn't work that way. Before you get anymore serious in this relationship, keep that in mind and decide whether you want to be a party in the drama.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 22, 2009, 03:27 PM

And him talking bad about the child's mother in front of her, can actually be used against him to latter give the mother custody.

There should be rules set up on visiting the child, and it should not include private time with the father.