Healthy or Unhealthy?

JT38 · #1 Jan 14, 2008, 08:35 PM

My husband has a 13 year old daughter that he snuggles with, lays on the couch with her. Sometimes covered, sometimes not while they watch TV. I lay the same way with him on the couch. I think it is not appropriate for them to do that at her age. I am a survivor of incest, so I do not know if this is a healthy normal thing with father and daughter. I have a son 14, I used to lay with him too until he was about 9 years, when I thought he was getting too old to be laying with me like that. Am I not seeing things right. Please help me to understand what is healthy and what is not. Thank you!

bluerose · Jan 15, 2008, 03:23 AM

JT38,

This is a tough one. Have you asked him about it? Does he know it makes you uncomfortable? Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it but I do wonder why they have to be covered. She may just be a particularly young thirteen year old who likes to hug and kiss her dad. Does she live with you or just visit? They might simply have missed each other. In another year, year in a half, she'll be too 'cool' for hugs and kisses from her dad.

Momma to three · Jan 15, 2008, 03:35 AM

My son and I used to do the same thing until he moved out on his own, when he was 19, and I still do the same with my 18 and 15 year old daughters. It's just a way for us to spend time together and be close. As for the being covered...we do that, too, on cold days. It's not to hide anything, it's just to stay warm! Some people just express their affection differently from others. If you don't see anything else that makes you concerned about the two of them, I would let this situation slide, and not complain to him about it.

JT38 · Jan 15, 2008, 06:15 PM

His daughter lives with us. She lived with her mom up until 3 years ago so it has been just the two of them. He does know how I feel, he said it is something that he feels she needs and that he needs. Thank you for your answers and helping me!

bluerose · Jan 15, 2008, 11:30 PM

JT38,

She's 13 and she has lived with you and her dad for three years for whatever reason. I have a grandson living with me, he has been with me for three years too. He's 14 and he likes a cuddle and a kiss a couple of times a day. When he first came to me he was 11 and cuddled everyone who visited, I think he needed it. I'm sorry for your own unfortunate experience but try not to let it colour theirs. I think they are quite simply making the most of what they have left of the father daughter thing.



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