I'm confused. My adult son who is highly educated and was a well respected professional with a high paying position has quit his job, moved back home and told me he wants to play poker for a living and has now asked for my blessing.
I am very conservative. I have always worked very hard for all I have and I am very proud of all I have accomplished, including making sure that my son had the best education possible.
I understand that he certainly does not have to ask for my permission to change his lifestyle, but I am having a great deal of difficulty getting my head around this decision. I want him to be a strong, independent, self sustaining person who is happy with his life. He says this is what makes him happy.
I am afraid that if he ventures into this lifestyle he will become complacent and never reach his full potential. I don't want to see him living on the street. I really cannot understand this complete change.
The flip side of this is that I am well aware that not everyone fits into the corporate mold.We do not all have to work 40 hrs. a week, own a house with a white picket fence and have 2.3 children and a dog. What is right for me is obviously not right for him, but I cannot give my blessing for this and I am saddened by the thought of him throwing away his education and possibly his future just because he likes to play cards.
I suggested he get into a profession where he could take 2 or 3 months off to go and enjoy this "hobby", but he insists that he considers it a job and wants to do this full-time.
Any suggestions out there?. I am torn between wanting a better life for him and supporting his endeavors unconditionally. My idea of a better life is obviously not his .

George_1950

My first thought is he may be using figurative speech just to gage your reaction. Does he really know how to play poker? When and where did he learn? My suggestion is to encourage him to visit a local technical school and enroll in a course that fits his interests and will get him a job. In the meantime, figure how much rent he needs to pay and start working up a contract; give him the first month free as his 2008 Christmas present. Do whatever it takes to get him off his arse and doing something. Idle hands are the devil's tools.

selfreliant1

He has advanced degrees, so technical school would not be necessary. He plays poker very well and makes some money, but as most gamblers, he looses more than he makes.
I am charging him to live at home and he has always paid on time. I just do not want him to get too comfortable with this situation and I guess I am just very confused as to how a responsible adult male who has been self reliant can sudddenly want to give everything up that he worked so hard for, just to play.

George_1950

So, he could have chosen to join the Foreign Legion or become a musician or actor, and you would probably react the same way. I believe you should not conclude that he has given everything up. Spend some time with him; get in a car with him and go do something like a picnic or see a park. It is difficult for someone not to start talking in that situation. What I am suggesting is that you listen to him.

selfreliant1

I have listened, but maybe I just don't hear.
We strive as parents to always want a better life for or children and not to have them experience the same pitfalls that we had to. I have struggled all my life, worked three jobs to support us and give him a higher education so that he could become what our society considers a productive member .
I guess it is my belief that playing card's for a living does not contribute much to our social mores'. I would have no problem with him being a musician, actor or a ditch digger, but a poker player has me reeling and I don't know why. Maybe it's the lack of security that I am so concerned about.

froggy7

This is a difficult one. A part of me knows that I have probably disappointed my parents (especially my mom) a bit, because I am 40, unmarried, no kids. But I do have a good job, support myself, etc. So I can see the conflict between wanting your son to be a "productive member of society" and his decision to make a living as a gambler. And the fact that many gamblers have traditionally made money fleecing less-experienced players, or out-right cheating, doesn't help.

But. It's his life to live, not yours. Ask him how he sees this working out in the long run. There are professional poker players, and if he gets into their ranks and plays in tournaments, he can make big money without some of the ethical issues. It's getting to that rank that is going to be the hard part. Ask him how he plans to get there, what he'll do if his winnings don't cover his debts, where he plans on playing (private parties, underground games, casinos?). And ask him what he plans on doing about some of the less-savory sides of gambling. How will he handle the drinking, smoking, and drugs that often go along with the scene? The loose women? Does he ever plan on having a wife and kids, and how will that work into the situation. What will he do if one of the players is obviously intoxicated, out-classed, or otherwise in a game that is likely to bankrupt them?

And listen to what he says. At the end of the day, if he can be a gambler and keep his personal honor intact, I'd say give him your blessing. If he can't, then I'd tell him that you love him, he'll always be your son, but you can't support him in this goal. (No more than you would if he were to tell you he wanted to rob banks or manipulate the stock market.) And in either case, I'd suggest setting a date for him to move back out of your house. That line "quit his job and moved back home" to pursue this dream bothers me. If he were doing this and living out on his own, I'd respect him more.