Check out some similar questions!

janice83 · Feb 3, 2013, 03:49 AM

My son will be 40 this year. I will be 64. My son is a herion user and has a methodine perscription he has used crack and maybe still does from time to time. He is now drinking cider and is drinking 1 - 2 liters a day! He smokes weed . He does not work and hardly ever has - he didn't see why he should!
He has been homeless many times, I have found him accommodation in the forms of flats or caravans to keep a roof over his head, I have paid the deposits. He broke into my house and stole my husbands treasured jewellery from his deceased mother and sold them. But I persuaded my husband to take him in again when my son first had thrombosis he stole from us again. He has stolen from his sister too more than once.
My ex husband ( my son's father) brought him a flat so that he would be secure in accommodation if took care of the bills using my sons benefit money. All has gone well for 18mths. Till last week. When I received abusive texts demanding his money. I transferred it to his bank and sent him his bills for him to pay which I know he won't. Not spoken for a week.Should I walk away or should I contact him again? Im still his mum and I worry about him but also enjoying the peace.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 3, 2013, 06:36 AM

Where are you located at ?

But you really can't force him to do right, if the money comes to you because you are his guardian, just pay his bills and tell him no,

But stop spending any of your money on him,

janice83 · Feb 3, 2013, 07:51 AM

Thank you for your ans. Im not his guardian just his mum, He agreed for me to handle his money. But is always on the phone wanting 20 pounds or more at a time. He has 50 a week for food and I have 35 towards bills. There is none left for his bills. So I have been paying them. He seemed to think I was spending his money on me ha ha. I said NO this last week and that is what brought about these foul texts demanding his money and he would sort out his bills. So I transferred 100 to his account and forwarded his bills. I have been down this path so many times before. He won't pay his bills, and they cut him off and then there's fines to pay on top.! Part of me says Im still his mum and I worry that he will be homeless yet again and the other half says he's nearly 40 sink or swim! Im wondering if there might be something in social services that might handle money matters on his behalf? I really don't know which way to turn.

J_9 · Feb 3, 2013, 08:02 AM

With drug addiction there comes a time when you have to let them go. Let him fall flat on his face.

As a mother myself, it is hard, I understand that. But there comes a time when you have to realize that you are done raising your children. He is 40, or almost 40, and he is an adult and has to take responsibility for his actions. He is no longer in diapers, he is no longer in school. He is a grown man.

Time for tough love. Let him have his money and do with it what he pleases. I promise you he won't do the right thing, but it's time you stop bailing him out. There are consequences to our actions and he should have learned this by the age of 10.

The only way that he is going to get over this is if you stop bailing him out. No food, no shelter, no help whatsoever. He has to realize that he has a problem. He's not going to do that as long as Mommy and Daddy are providing food and shelter and giving him money.

It is imperative that you tell him that he either gets help, inpatient, or that you will have to cut him loose totally and completely. No contact, no money, no shelter.

samcreed · Feb 3, 2013, 08:13 AM

You are 64? And still putting up with this?
Yes, you are still his mum. But, he has treated you so badly, treated himself so badly, and he doesn't respect himself or you. Why do you keep trying to "enable" him?
An "enabler" is someone who keeps doing for someone who will not help himself. You are an enabler, and it isn't getting you anywhere but heartache.
Please just walk away, and begin living your life without him. He has proven over and over that anything you do, will not really help him in any way. Good luck, and start living for yourself... not him!

janice83 · Feb 5, 2013, 01:34 PM

Thank you all for your replies. I have taken them all on board. I have not contacted my son although it's been so very hard not to, I have felt guilty about not doing so. I have stopped being an enabler! I guess I was so close to the trees I couldn't see the wood. I have spent many tearful nights thinking of the past, it's been like mourning his loss. Im sure this is the right road. Thank you all so much xxx