My son is 5 years old now. I am a little disturbed to hear from his class teacher that he has been masturbating in class during free time. She has seen him to do it a number of times. When caught he covers up immediately but is not able to stop himself from repeating the activity again. I had talk with him and he confessed that he does it since it feels "really good" and told him to do it in complete privacy of his room or the bathroom. He agreed but last week again the class teacher came up with the same complaint. He studies in a co-ed school and his teacher told me that a few students including female students know what he is up to and always try to be around him when he is doing the act. He gets embarrassed and stops when he sees other students watching him but starts again when he thinks he is not being noticed. I am feeling quite stressed, as to how to approach him on this matter?

Remind him again that this is something for private time. (five year olds often need reminders for most things!) His teacher can gently remind him as well if it is noticed, perhaps with a signal word or phrase, or simply redirect his attention, "Billy, see if you can build a pattern with the cubes."

It's not uncommon and it may just be he has found that it feels good, but is there any sort of stress he has experienced? New school, change in family dynamics, fears, etc. this can also sometimes be an indication of something bothering him.

I would think that it would be uncommon for a five year old to masturbate, after being told repeatedly that it is not okay to do so, in the classroom. If he's smart enough to not do it when someone is watching, or he can be redirected by teachers (I presume he has been), he is smart enough to stop masturbating in the classroom.

If he understands all that he appears to understand, I see nothing wrong with a consequence. If he chooses to masturbate in class, he won't ride his bike for five days. Or, use positive reinforcement. If he chooses not to masturbate in class, you will take him and two friends swimming for the afternoon.

Either way, the teachers have brought this disturbing activity (disturbing that it has not stopped, it is in the classroom, other children see this, and he knows he is supposed to do it in his bedroom or in the bathroom), to you, and it is time to do something about it.

I don't know if you have tried positive or negative reinforcement, or if you have, you are just not convinced that he understands he has alternative places to masturbate. But if you are sure he understands what he is doing is not going to continue without consequences, and it still doesn't stop, then there is something else going on.

At that point I would have him assessed in an age appropriate way, perhaps in play therapy, or through a combination of treatment options with a trained professional. His commitment to masturbating probably has more than you think to do with other aspects of his life. Maybe stress, maybe bullying, maybe difficulty learning itself.

In the meanwhile, if you don't take charge, and the kids that are witnessing this start telling their parents, and the parents contact the school, it could cause this child a lot more stress and upset, than any consequence you could try, and assessment may be recommended by the school, or he could start to be singled out, and have his desk moved so he can be monitored more easily by his teachers. And if that happens, consequences could include issues of self esteem, ridicule, etc.

I hope that simple solutions such as those mentioned, will stop what is hopefully just a bad habit that he chooses not to stop on his own.

Um well what I have to say is that most of the boys start masturbating when they hit puberty (at the age of 11-12). Your son has discovered this thing and do it in school... because he says it "feels good" have u asked him: "How did u learn this thing?" you did a good job when u said him: "do it in privacy" an he keeps doing it. U should start a conversation with your boy and explain him that masturbation is not a wrong thing (it's perfectly normal) but he shouldn't do it in school. I think he is a little young and he repeated this thing because he "liked it". In time when he will grow and will understand that he shouldn't do it in school, or in public. On the other hand you should teach him about this thing every time he repeats this thing, but don't yell at him and don't tell him that masturbation is bad for him...

Actually mikecool, you are misinformed. Most children start masterbating around age 2-5. its not about sex for them. It simply feels good. Its about finding another body part. Like when they were infants and discovered their tongue, it was a new sensation to play with his tongue and mess with it, stick it out to let it dry, or drool it to soaking wet. A boys penis is the same. They discover it, and then quickly discover it feels good.


OP, its possible that he is simpy doing it for no reason other than he can. Or he is seeking relief from stress. Is he having trouble in class other than the masturbation? Trouble with the other kids perhaps? Any bullys or anything like that?

Children his age need A LOT of time to learn that it is a private thing. Tell his teacher to remind him that it is private and not for in the classroom.

And as much as I love and respect her, I have to disagree with jake2008 about intelligence playing a part. Yes he can understand and know that its for privacy only, BUT a child his age will very very very often forget the rules all the time. And will need a frequent reminder.

And make sure to have a talk with him at home as well. Non threatening, he isn't in trouble, but remind him each time that the teacher tells you he did it again in class. Drive home the idea that it is ONLY for in HIS OWN bedroom, or in the bathroom, which ever you prefer for him.

And honestly, if you and his teacher feel he is old enough to know how to do this, suggest to the teacher that when he starts to do that, have him excused to the bathroom. So he can have concrete examples of classroom is a no no, bathroom is OK.

Just want to point out, this thread is almost a year old, and the OP has never come back.

If we want to discuss masturbation in children, probably best to start a discussion thread. :)

Oh my god. Please watch out for the TV and computer activities immediately. If u got a maid this is where it is coming from, they watch stuff and the kiddies learn.. *** try to stop the eyes from learning and start watching on him.

Please read the other answers before you answer - this thread is OLD and the person who asked has not been back.