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22 Year old Daughter disrespectful

Asked Jul 28, 2011, 12:14 PM — 22 Answers
Just wondered if I'm in the wrong or is she right? I am a widow and have been raising my now 22 year old daughter. She has this boyfriend that is an airline pilot and he really doesn't act like he really cares for her. He didn't txt or emails my daughter for a month or two. She didn't hear anything from him and then she jumped him for not emailing her or texting her. He was supposed to come over Memorial Day and stay for 2 or 3 days. He txt her and told her that his plans has changed and he had to work then we found out he was at his parents' house in Ill. My daughter asked him why he didn't stop buy on his way home and he just said that price of gas was so high that he didn't have the money. He was going by our town on the way to his parents' house. Now he wants her to go to TX to see him. He said she would fly free since he works for the airlines. I told her that, her boyfriend doesn't sound like he really cares for her and the way the world is today that it's not safe for a young girl to fly or take a trip by them. I told her why you are running to him when he didn't go out of his way to see you when he was going home that time. She says that I don't let her grow up but I told her that she is the only thing I have left and I don't want anything to happen to her. And I feel like that guy really don't think anything about her since he didn't and don't come to her to see her. What's wrong with my daughters thinking? She gets so mad at me for not approving of her going to see him. I told her that it isn't right for her to stay with him because I didn't want her to get pregnant either. She said that she wasn't going to have sex because she has already told him she wanted to wait until she got married before she wanted to have sex. I know that harmony is there. I don't want to accuse her but I'm not stupid. My daughter gets so mad at me and she always turns everything around and blames me for everything. If something goes wrong then she tells me that I should have been a parent and shouldn't have let her do whatever. I just know if something happens she will say that to me again. But if I tell her she shouldn't go she will be mad at me too. So now win situation. What should I tell her about going to see her boyfriend?

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22 Answers
smoothy's Avatar
smoothy Posts: 15,494, Reputation: 10703
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#2

Jul 28, 2011, 12:34 PM
You are seeing him for what he is.....she is the one that's not.

If she isn't actually sleeping with him now I'd be surprised....she's acting like she is. And he's acting like she's his "booty call".

Huge red flags waving over the "you can fly here free".

If he isn't sleeping with her yet....he would get her in a situation she is likely to submit. But her actions tell me they already are.

I would not let her if she was my daughter....she's going to be upset...she's going to be stomping around. Because she is in heat and isn't going to listen to reason. Not yet anyway.

Wish I had some magic words that would make it all go away....but I don't. If she doesn't have a full time job yet, its time she got one. Nothing better at imposing some maturity on an immature youth than work.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,305, Reputation: 24118
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#3

Jul 28, 2011, 12:36 PM


She's 22. She's not a "young girl." Why is she still living at home?
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joypulv's Avatar
joypulv Posts: 11,857, Reputation: 9166
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#4

Jul 28, 2011, 12:51 PM
You ARE both in a no win situation, because you are not letting her be an adult and make her own mistakes and learn, and she isn't getting away from your apron strings because it's convenient for her to live with you and put up with your mothering. Of course if she is living with you, you are going to be all tangled up in her life and loves. It's impossible. She has to be on her own. You have to tto, for her sake, if not for your own. Take courses, get a job, volunteer, raise animals, sew quilts, join a book club. Let her be an adult now or it will be worse later.
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Fr_Chuck's Avatar
Fr_Chuck Posts: 72,597, Reputation: 37026
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#5

Jul 28, 2011, 12:58 PM


You can just sit back and watch, trying to force her will only make her fight back
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Ameritech1's Avatar
Ameritech1 Posts: 5, Reputation: 10
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#6

Jul 28, 2011, 03:03 PM
But if I let her make a mistake she blames me and says I should of been a parent and stop her.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,305, Reputation: 24118
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#7

Jul 28, 2011, 03:06 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameritech1 View Post
But if I let her make a mistake she blames me and says I should of been a parent and stop her.
No, that's a cop-out. Your parenting time is finished. You taught her the right way to handle her life, so now it's her turn to use those tools you gave her. Don't let her send you on guilt trips.
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Ameritech1's Avatar
Ameritech1 Posts: 5, Reputation: 10
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#8

Jul 28, 2011, 03:11 PM
She does this all the time and always turns the situation around and blames me. She also has to have the last word. I think s
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,305, Reputation: 24118
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#9

Jul 28, 2011, 03:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameritech1 View Post
She does this all the time and always turns the situation around and blames me. She also has to have the last word. I think s
Ignore her. Don't argue. Time for her to find a new place to live and learn how to be on her own.
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Ameritech1's Avatar
Ameritech1 Posts: 5, Reputation: 10
Junior Member
  
#10

Jul 28, 2011, 03:20 PM
I think deep down she knows he is just using her. He is a total bum. I told her when he was here all they did was lay on the sofa and watch movies. She said he didn't have any money . I said why then is he even dating you. She said that she would pay and drive sometimes because she felt sorry for him driving to our house and using all his gas . I told here a guy is to wine and dine you. I just give up
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