My husband and I are at wits end! Our daughter is seventeen, and is driving us nuts. For example she left yesterday with people I have never met, she left a note saying she would be back in 30minutes. That was yesterday! She phoned at 1130 last night saying she was out quadding all day, and had the nerve to ask if I had locked her out! It is now 4pm and still nothing from her. We went through this last summer, we kicked her out, tough love after trying three different counsellors with no sucess. My husband and I do not know which way to turn anymore. Do we ask her to leave or just put up with the crap?

Fr_Chuck

will I assume she is home alone ? since if there was a parent at home you tell her she can't go, and don't let her.

Does she have a cell phone, a computer, a CD player, all of which I will assume are locked away because she does not follow instructions ??

And if he is totally deliquent, *depending on where you live, since in some states at 17 they are no longer minors to the law, but there is detention, boot camp and other things to shock the idea of behavior.

Also since school is not out here, is she going to school ?? if not,

bluerose

Is she your only child? When will she be eighteen?

What ages are the friends she is staying out with and what is their parents take on the situation. Lets face it she is not out there on her own. She is either with other people her age or older. If they are her own age and are pretty good kids, perhaps you should just give her a key and trust her to take care of herself. If they are older then it might be time to consider something more serious.

rockerchick_682

I'm 17 and most of the people I know that are out that long are usually wasted or high on something. I hope she's just sticking to weed and alcohol. If I were you I'd set rules and if she didn't follow the rules I'd kick her out. It's your house and if she's not going to accept your rules then she doesn't have the right to live there. Give her a curfew and whatever other rules you want. Everybody wants a home to come back to, eventually she'll comply to the rules. I just hope she doesn't get into too much trouble while she's out. I don't think I know enough about it to give you a great answer.

brooklyngurl345

Ok what you should is sit her down for a serious talk. Set some strict ground rules. Tell her what will happen and tell her to get a grip. I mean nothing goods going to come out of her spending the night with her friends!! This talk has to be serious. She has to get in her shead that she has a life ahead of her doing what is doing right now, she will have a bad one. Watch her at all times too.

NowWhat

You have to set ground rules and stick to them. If she has a curfew and misses it - then you can either shorten her curfew the next night by however late she was (so if she's 1 hour late on Friday, then her curfew is a hour earlier on saturday). Or, you ground her and take priviledges away.
If you want to know who she is hanging out with - tell her you have to meet any new people before she is allowed to go out with them.

I remember when I was late once - I came home and my dad was outside sitting on the tailgate of his truck waiting. There was no getting around it - and I knew I was in trouble just by looking at his face. She is not an adult and needs rules.
If she breaks your rules - she losses priviledges, luxuries and whatever else you want to take away. you should also add chores to what she has to do.
Good Luck and don't give up.

rockerchick_682

she's almost 18 so it's really not that hard to just walk out, and living without electronics isn't that hard when you're out with your friends.

if she isn't going to school, there's some ticket you get and they'll put her on diversion for it, but then again she might be too old, but she's still a minor

proudmommyoftwingirls

I think you need to let her know that as long as she is living in your home there is rules that need to be followed and if she doesnt follow them then she needs to leave but set boundaries and let her know you are the BOSS

raydrums1

YIKES - My daughter is turning 16 August 3rd. I got bumps reading what you wrote. I was one of those kids that didn't come home and did bad things but I was also working 6 nights a week from age 9 - I then skipped 8th grade all while working as a drummer in bands in clubs with drunks and druggies. I did get involved with all the wrong people but always maintained my work and commitments and grew well respected as a drummer. Now I'm 44 yo - and my drumming career never flourished into stardom, but from what I gather most of the famous drummers don't make 400 per gig like I do.
What I'm tryin to say here is that the bad in the world can't be hidden from the kids - we teach them right from wrong and show how horrible the results are from hanging with the bad stuff. The difference is that to much time to hang out and wonder if yur cool like yur peers-wanting to jump onto that band wagon creates a person who demeans what she's been taught - going so far - only to conclude - it - thats what's coming - Ill find my way passed it. The other person who is involved and devoted to something turns out to be a cut above the rest and looked up to. My son is 17 - I put him into Martial arts when he was 5 - he teaches at the school now part time and is a black belt. - he was aked to go on tour with Chuck Norris which I turned down. I made him realize why he wanted to go so much - that illusion and showed him what he would lose. He agreed and is now on Jr. Varsity soccar for the state and travels for away games on weekends - he did both
Everyone has a talent - not everybody is granted the circumstances to find and manifest that talent - One found - yur daughter will be dead on that endevour and looked up to too boot and probably make $$$ MAKE HER FIND HER ABILITIES AND USE THEM

alizabethdarlameithof

I am going to offer some advice, i am only eighteen, and so i dont know if you take it or leave it. It's all right with me. Last summer i was seventeen and was pulling the same crap. My mom was going nuts, and she didnt know what to do with me. I was at my stage where i wanted to be my own person, and it didn't matter what the adults around me thought. My mother eventually just made it hell there, until i decided to move out. Once i did move out i made even worse choices than i had been making when i was living with my mom. I had all the freedom in the world, and eventually my dad made me move with him, and got me away from all the friends and the problem was solved, until i moved to arizona i found myself in the same boat. I think the best thing to do would be to sit down talk with her, and ask her how you can help her. She needs you, especially her mom. Life for a teenager is not easy these days, and she needs you. Just talk with her, don't kick her out it will only make it worse, then she will go on hating you . I am sure that is not what you want right? you only want whats best. Just talk with her ask whats wrong, and set rules for her. Make her understand that if she wants to be an adult, then she can't live there. and if she wants to know how hard the world really is, then let her. But don't throw her out. Hopefully this works for you. I know if my mother had only talked to me, i probably wouldnt have done half the things i have done in the last year. I hope this helps. Best wishes.