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    My 19 years old daughter left home yesterday

    Asked Aug 25, 2012, 05:59 AM 5 Answers
    My 19 years old daughter left home yesterday. We are her worst enemy. She has loser friends who can play with her brain and tell her that your parents are old fashion. How they don't let you stay out till midnight or more you are an adult now. I always tell her don't let your friends play with your mind you have comfort home here we love you and we want you to be the best we want you to get your degree and be proud of yourself. She never listen she put her eyes on the floor as if I'm talking to myself I spend one hour with her in my room talking to her calmly and quietly but no way. I'm sure she was thinking how to plan to leave the house while I was talking to her about her future.

    She never do anything around the house she wakes up around 11 am stay a little bit on the couch watching TV and later she takes shower and go out till 10 pm every single day like that as like she lives in a hotel. I don't say anything because I know she would say to me I'm 19 years old all my friends they stay up late why not me? Let me have fun, I told her I will let you have fun if you are with good people not losers they don't have a job or even degree how I leave you like that with bunch of losers she gets snap and tell me you don't know them, I told her I don't want to know them .

    And by the way she graduated from high school a year ago and me and my husband begging her to find a job and to save money for her college. She always says that she's applying but I know for facts that she’s not trying so hard or make an effort. She doesn't care at all about finding a job or get her degree. She used to work she got fired. She told me a story to make me believe it’s not her fault. She worked with them for one month. Only I know my daughter she’s so lazy even she never do anything to help me out around the house even her own room. I clean it for her she never do anything and when she comes home around 9 pm or 10 she stays with us for 10 minutes watching TV and then she goes upstairs to her room shut her door and talk on the phone 3 hours with her loser her boyfriend and tell him about how we are not fair with her.

    He also doesn't work. He's still living with his mother his 21 years old or 20 god knows. I can’t take any word from her because she lies too much. So few days ago I decided to not talk to her like before only if she asks me something I will respond. So anyway she asked me can my boyfriend borrow her bicycle I said no. She knows I hate him and I will not let him borrow the bicycle. But she asked me this question on purpose to have an excuse to go into a fight and leave the house. She said to me you are so mean and rude I can’t wait to leave this house. By the way for about a month or more whenever we go into a fight she always mention I can’t wait to leave this house. I hate you and that hurt I a lot when you hear from your own daughter the word (hates, because hates is a strong word). Anyway so when I said no she was so upset she started saying I will leave the house and you will cry for me. I said no I won’t cry I said that because I didn't want to show her my weakness because she will walk over me even more.

    Anyway I went out to my drive way to wash my car. When I finished came back inside my house I saw bags on the floor I asked her what is this she said I am leaving. I told her OK. I was so mad at her at this point I told her the pants your wearing is mine and your shirt your wearing is mine. I took everything new I bought for her couple of days she left with the basic clothes. Anyway her father tried to call her when he came back from work. She didn't answer because she closed her line because she knew one of us will call her. And by the way her cell we pay for it. Everything we pay for it because she’s so lazy to find a job she thinks life is very easy and simple we are working our butts off to provide her food, clothes, everything. But she doesn't appreciate anything. I do everything around the house she does nothing and on the top of that she give us attitude and she is professional with lies.

    I'm so heartbroken I don't know what to do. I want her to come back home but at the same time I want her to know how life outside is not so easy. It’s either her way or no way she’s very stubborn. I want her to come back under my rules not hers. But I missed her so much. I don't know what to do I am lost (

    Last edited by talaniman; Aug 27, 2012 at 07:10 AM.
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    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,513, Reputation: 4591
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    #2

    Aug 25, 2012, 06:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sue 1 View Post
    My 19 years old daughter left home yesterday, we are her worst enemy she has losers friends who can play with her brain and tell her that your parents are old fashion how they don't let you stay out till midnight or more you are an adult now . I always tell her don't let your friends play with your mind you have comfort home here we love you and we want you to be the best we want you to get your degree and be proud of yourself , she never listen she put her eyes on the floor as if I'm talking to myself I spend one hour with her in my room talking to her calmly and quietly but noway I'm sure she was thinking how to plan to leave the house while I was talking to her about her future , she never do anything around the house she wakes up around 11 am stay a little bit on the couch watching t.v and later she takes shower and go out till 10 pm every single day like that as like she lives in a hotel... and i don't say anything because I know she would say to me I'm 19 years old all my friends they stay up late why not me??let me have fun, I told her I will let you have fun if you are with good people not losers they don't have a job or even degree how I leave you like that with bunch of losers she gets snap and tell me you don't know them , I told her I don't want to know them . and by the way she graduated from high school a year ago and me and my husband begging her to find a job and to save money for her college she always say that she's applying but I know for facts that shes not trying so hard or make an effort she doesn't care at all about finding a job or get her degree she used to work she got fired she told me a story to make me believe its not her fault she worked with them for one month only I know my daughter shes so lazy even she never do anything to help me out around the house even her own room i clean it for her she never do anything and when she comes home around 9 pm or 10 she stays with us for 10 minutes watching t.v and then she goes upstairs to her room shut her door and talk on the phone 3 hours with her loser her bf and tell him about how we are not fair with her he also doesn't work he still living with his mother his 21years old or 20 god knows I cant take any word from her because she lies too much , so few days ago i decided to not talk to her like before only if she asks me something I will respond so anyways she asked me can my bf borrow her bicycle i said no she knows i hate him and i will not let him borrow the bicycle but she asked me this question on purpose to have an excuse to go into a fight and leave the house she said to me you are so mean and rude i cant wait to leave this house by the way for about a month or more whenever we go into a fight she always mention i cant wait to leave this house I hate you and that hurt me alot when you hear from your own daughter the word (hates, because hates is a strong word) , anyways so when i said no she was so upset she started saying i will leave the house and you will cry for me i said no I wont cry I said that because I didn't want to show her my weakness because she will walk over me even more , anyways i went out to my drive way to wash my car when i finished came back inside my house i saw bags on the floor i asked her what is this she said I am leaving i told her ok i was so mad at her at this point I told her the pants your wearing is mine and your shirt your wearing is mine I took everything new i bought for her couple of days she left with the basic clothes anyways her father tried to call her when he came back from work she didn't answer because she closed her line because she knew one of us will call her and by the way her cell we pay for it , everything we pay for it because shes so lazy to find a job she thinks life is very easy and simple we are working our off to provide her food clothes everything but she doesn't appreciate anything , i do everything around the house she does nothing and on the top of that she give us attitude and she is professional with lies , I'm so heartbroken I don't know what to do I want her to come back home but at the same time i want her to know how life outside is not so easy its either her way or no way shes very stubborn I want her to come back under my rules not hers but I missed her so much I don't know what to do I am lost (


    Honestly, this is just too long to read and absorb, more like a blog.

    What specifically is the problem? I gather that your 19-year old daughter has moved out of your house. You want her to come back but under your rules (which she cannot abide by).

    There is nothing you can do but be available if/when she needs you, don't preach, keep your fingers crossed and wait to see what happens next. At 19 if she's defiant there is little you can do. She's a legal adult.

    I am "guessing" that this problem didn't start yesterday.
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    Sue 1's Avatar
    Sue 1 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 25, 2012, 06:07 AM
    No It didn't start yesterday couple of months she wants to be like her friends a loser she wants to discover world , I'm not against that but when you have a job and money discover world she's not responsible she's not serious with her life
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    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,513, Reputation: 4591
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    #4

    Aug 25, 2012, 06:51 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sue 1 View Post
    No It didn't start yesterday couple of months she wants to be like her friends a loser she wants to discover world , I'm not against that but when you have a job and money discover world she's not responsible she's not serious with her life

    And what is your question?
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    Sue 1's Avatar
    Sue 1 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    Aug 25, 2012, 08:23 AM
    We lost contact with her she still not openining her line what I can do in this case?
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,054, Reputation: 10289
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #6

    Aug 27, 2012, 07:19 AM


    Let her explore and experiment, but stop paying for her phone. She knows how to get in touch with you when she finds life is hard and its not a big party. You have raised her and sometimes kids have to have tough love and learn from there mistakes.

    My wife fainted and wants to know why you clean the bedroom of a 19 year old and let her have a phone in the first place. Not easy letting go, never is, but now is the time to just watch from afar, and pray that their upbringing comes out. It usually does, but takes time,and some hard lessons.

    She must be the spoiled only child(?).
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