In the scope of things, my teenager is not a bad kid. She is a great student and is not in trouble with the law or staying out doing things she shouldn't.

But she has become almost unbearable to live with here lately and we are at the end of her rope. She doesn't respect me or her brother (15 1/2 yrs old), she is nasty to him and never respectful of his feelings or needs. She never asks him to do something, just demands. She feels she has the right to boss him around, and has even resorted to physical violence with him. To his credit, he doesn't hit her back or hurt her in any way, even though he could. He has told me that he will never hit her back, because he knows he will hurt her. She screams at him and yells at him and calls him names.

She is nasty to me and speaks to me disrespectfully. My husband travels for his job, she would never behave this way if he were home. She won't do her chores and when I tell her to, she gets nasty. She does them, but not without a fight.

We just moved from Florida to Illinois, because of my husbands work. Her attitude is getting worse, and she tells me that she hates it here, she hates this house, she is bored and we don't do enough to make her happy. Her attitude and behavior started long before we moved from Florida, so it is not the move that is causing this. I am frustrated because I am tired of her being ungrateful and disrespectful. I don't know what else to do. Grounding her doesn't work, yelling at her doesn't work. Nothing works.

Hoping there is another answer.

cal823

well of course yelling back wont work, thats trying to fight fire with fire
have you tried talking to her, asking her why she gets so angry? if not, try that, and try to ask it respectfully, and listen, actually listen, if she answers. Shes 17, and it is so frustrating for us teenagers when parents do not listen. I would try not to act all superior in a conversation with her. Maybe this can be resolved through a good talk, not terribly likely, but worth a shot. Maybe councelling would be good, she could have an anger management problem, which can be helped through a anger management course. Seems like she mostly needs to learn that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and that she is not the only person in the world.
I hope this helps a little, i dont have any knowledge about parenting, but i am a 16, almost 17 year old teenager myself, and despite what alot of people think, things would go alot smoother for both parents and teenagers if the parents would just talk and listen to their child. Some parenting experts should answer this post eventually, good luck!

Greg Quinn

Its hard to help anyone who is dealing with a difficult teenager. On one hand you want to go to extremes in order to teach her a lesson. On the other hand it probably wouldn't work out to well for anyone involved. I don't know her or what she is like around other people, but having a third party there for mediation and communication usually works out fair for most people in these situations.
If I treated my mother that way, my parents would have packed all of my stuff and left it on the front door and that would have been it. I had a girlfriend who was very candid with me about her past, and she told me when she was 16 17 she had put her parents through hell. But when I knew her she was almost 19 and very well together, she had a great relationship with her mother. Hopefully in time, she will be able to see that she needs to change her ways. Defusing Hostile People - Part 2/2

shellanders

We have had a great relationship until about a year ago, and we still do off and on. But I cannot continue to allow this behavior. I have tried talking to her, reasoning with her, asking her what is wrong and all of the normal things. She answers me with normal teenage things such as friends, school, boys, etc. As you said, Cal823, she does need to know that you catch more flies with honey and that she is not the only person in the world. I have told her how much we sacrifice so she can have, but none of these things matter. Counseling is not an option, she won't go to them, and if we made her go, she wouldn't talk to them.

Like I said, I know she could be a lot worse, but I am fed up with her behavior and attitude.

JAKO-822

I think that you are in a very tough position here. If you have tried speaking with her, asking her what is bothering her, and the only answer she can provide you with is friends, school, etc., then I doubt she is going to open up and provide any other insightful answer as to the reason for her behavior. In my opinion, allowing this behavior to continue is harmful to both you and your son. Who is the parent here? I'm no sure if you are willing or have the guts, but a little tough love is in order. She needs to learn to respect others, and treating her with kit gloves (sounds to me anyway) is not going to do the trick. In my opinion, she needs to be told in a stern manner that her behavior is not acceptable, and if she cannot treat you and her brother with respect, she needs to pack her things and find another place to live. I know this sounds harsh and being a mother myself, is something very, very hard for us to do. But if you do not put an end to his now, her behavior will only worsen and who knows what she could end up doing in the moment of a "temper tantrum." I have been there, and I had to put my child out of the house in order for him to grow up and find out that in order to be treated with respect, you must earn it by treating others in the same manner in which you expect to be treated. I wish you the best, and hope that someday your daughter will grow up and see the error of her ways.

liz28

It sounds like she testing you and you have to stand firm. You should give counseling a try since you try talking to her to see if she might open up to someone else. Do you know what types of friends she hang, and/or what she into?

Try talking again to her in a loving tone, set boundaries, enfore rules, etc. Try doing when the whole family is then for intervention so every can express their feeling, because her behavior is unacceptable.

If all fails it time for tough time, so pull up your sleeves and get ready, but whatever you do firmly hold your ground. Remembe your daughter is the daughter and your the mother. Never lose sight of what parenting is, if you need help seek them now. Try troubleteensolutions.com